“Come to the edge.’ ‘We can’t. We’re afraid.’ ‘Come to the edge.’ ‘We can’t. We will fall!’ ‘Come to the edge.’ And they came. And he pushed them. And they flew.” ~ Guillaume Apollinaire
Month: November 2017
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up – Part 1
Life can be stranger than fiction. How often have you said, “You can’t make this stuff up?” It’s what happen to Dr. Stephen Burnett when he went to the airport to board a plane for Boston.
Dr. Burnett preferred to be called Steve. He didn’t like to be called doctor. Steve is a professor at a prestigious Big Ten university. He is also a globally renowned expert in cyber technology. Steve was traveling to an international conference on global security to present his breakthrough research on protection of power grids. We pick up Steve’s story at the airport where he began his journey.
Steve walked into the airport pulling a suitcase; a backpack hung on his shoulders. Once inside the airport, he paused, checked his iPhone airlines app. The flight was on time. He boarded at Gate 6. Steve had 40 minutes before his plane boarded. He loaded his boarding pass on his smart phone and made his way to the TSA security line. He envied the passengers who were TSA approved, but the normal TSA security line was short, there were only five people in front of him.
Steve got in line, pulled out his driver’s license. Held his driver’s license in his left hand, and his iPhone with the boarding pass in his right hand. He waited his turn. Steve’s mind was more on his presentation than on getting through security. There was no need to worry, after all, he spent as much time in the air as he spent in the classroom.
“Next,” said the TSA agent.
Steven walked up to the TSA agent. He handed him his license and put his iPhone boarding pass under the digital reading laser light.
The TSA agent looked at the license, looked back at Steve. He looked at the license and then back at Steve. “Excuse me, do you have a secondary piece of proof of identity?”
“That’s me. It’s my driver’s license,” said Steve.
“Sir, I didn’t ask if it was you. I asked if you had a secondary form of identification. A passport will work,” said the TSA agent.
“I only going to Boston. I wasn’t planning to leave the country. I didn’t take my passport.”
“Does your credit card have a photo ID?” asked the TSA agent.
“Can you tell what this is all about, my plane boards in 30 minutes,” asked Steve nervously.
“Your driver’s license shows a person who is clean shaven. You sir, have a thick grunge,” said the TSA agent.
“It’s me. Honest. Here’s my credit card. Here’s my voter’s ID. Here’s my gym membership card. I really need to make this flight,” pleaded Steve.
The TSA agent gathered up the documents. “I’ll need to show them to my supervisor. I can’t make this call.” The agent took the documents and left his station. Another TSA agent replaced the departed TSA agent. He motioned Steve to the side.
Did Steve make his flight? Come by tomorrow to find out.
Advice To Reach Impossible Goals
How do you and I accomplish a goal? What separates the people who seem to reach impossible goals from those who don’t? Elmore Leonard, the famous mystery fiction writer, gives us a clue. His simple message can be applied to any aspect of life as well as writing. His fantastic advice is offered in under 2 minutes on this YouTube video.
Quote for Today – November 13, 2017
“Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone-we find it with another.” – Thomas Merton
He Forgot To Put Down The Toilet Seat
The group of five people, three men, and two women, turned their attention from the figure on the folding chair to Farlo, Tina, and Joey G.
A no nonsense, buff, thirty something Hispanic woman, sat in the center of the group. She wore a black sports bra and black workout power tights. Her six-pack visible. She stared at Farlo for a moment, “It took you long enough, Farlo.”
Farlo said, “I was slowed down by the kid, Mia,” Farlo kept his eyes on the woman and pointed back toward the entrance with his thumb.
“Do you mean the creeping looking homeless guy that’s using you for a human shield?”
“That would be the one,” said Farlo.
A fiftyish, crewcut gray haired guy wearing a muscle shirt and sporting biceps that looked like an oversized orange was implanted in them said, “I heard about Filo sticking you with this job. The kid must be a piece of work.”
“You don’t know the half of it, Tango,” said Farlo. “He’s only been with one woman in his entire life.”
“That’s not true,” came Joey G’s voice from somewhere behind Farlo.
Farlo didn’t turn around, he growled, “You can’t count any woman where you were so drunk or stoned you can’t remember the event.”
“Okay, it’s one,” said Joey G.
The group of five laughed.
Farlo said, “Any luck with Harry J?”
Mia said, “Filo told us no rough stuff. What we’re doing now is an intervention. For the past two weeks, Harry Js been on a tough diet. We made him go straight vegan. No meat, no dairy, no fish, no life.”
A wiry, tall, thin, sandy haired guy said, “I object. I’m a vegan. It wasn’t punishment. It was more of a detox for Harry J. And, I’d appreciate it if everyone here would say, Vee Gan instead of Vay Gan. It’s insensitive to vegans when you purposely do that.”
“Chill,” said Mia. “Then she turned back to Farlo, “It’s been a long time since we hooked up. Too long. When we finish this, why don’t you and I head out to O’Rourke’s for a few beers and talk about where we’ll go for R & R?”
From behind Farlo, “I don’t believe this.”
Farlo said, “Can we go to O’Malley’s? It’s a bit quieter, and a more sophisticated crowd.”
From behind Farlo, “What are you going to do with the three women, you promised you’d meet?”
Mia looked at Farlo, “He hasn’t read the manual, has he?”
From behind Farlo, “I don’t believe this.”
“You already said that kid. Come up with a new line,” snarled Farlo.
Two guys, who looked like Navy Seals, who wouldn’t sit near the vegan guy looked at Mia. She nodded. They got up from their chairs walked passed Farlo, fist bumped him as they passed and sidled up to Joey G.
“I didn’t do anything. He made me do it. I was coerced. He’s a lunatic. He’s nuts. He needs to be locked up,” screamed Joey G.
Farlo half turned, “Stuff it, kid. Suck it up.”
“I don’t want to suck it up,” said Joey G.
The two Navy Seal looking guys picked Joey G up and carried him to the front of the group. Mia, who in the meantime got another folding chair and placed it in front of Harry J. The two Navy Seal guys sat Joey G in the empty folding chair and then took a step toward Harry J. They stood on either side of Harry J. They turned and faced the group. Harry J was awake, but he had his eyes closed tight.
Mia said, “It’s time Harry J. Or should I use your real name?”
“No. Don’t blow my cover,” said Harry J, his eyes still closed.
“We won’t blow your cover, if you’ll open your eyes,” said Mia.
Harry J opened his eyes. He stared at Joey G. Joey G stared back at Harry J.
“What am I supposed to do, Farlo?” asked Joey G.
Farlo grumbled, “Sit still and be quiet.”
“I can do that,” said Joey G sitting still and being quiet.
Harry J said, “You know me?”
Joey G made a zipper motion that his lips were sealed and he couldn’t speak.
Harry J said, “Farlo? You ever get this kid to read the manual.”
“He refuses to read the manual. He thinks it doesn’t exist.”
“What’s he got, cauliflower rice for brains?” Harry J snarled.
“Kid, I’m going to give it to you straight,” snarled Harry J sounding as he were doing a Farlo impersonation.
Joey G shrugged his shoulders, made off like he was bored.
“Your mom’s doing time. I’ll give her credit. She’s handling it well. She’s got another four years before she can come up for parole. Maybe she’ll get it, maybe she won’t. She has a trigger point temper.”
Joey G broke the code of silence, “How do you know her?”
“We shacked up for a week, thirty-four years ago. I thought it was a perfect match until she blew a fuse when I forgot to put the toilet seat down. Hey, it’s a guy thing women don’t understand.”
The vegan interrupted, “Sensitive males understand.”
“So?” said Joey.
“I’m your father,” said Harry J.
“My father? I don’t believe you,” said Joey G.
“It’s true, kid. Farlo sent in your DNA for comparison. One-hundred percent certainty.”
“Some father,” said Joey G.
“Some son,” said Harry J.
“Okay, you two, get up and hug. Me and Farlo can feel romance in the air,” said Mia.
Harry J stood. Joey G stood.
Joey G said, “Dad, can you help me out of a jam tonight?”
“What is it son?” asked Harry J.
“I’m supposed to meet two women at O’Rourke’s tonight. Would you like one?”
“What are we waiting for, Joey G?” said Harry J wrapping his muscular arms around Joey G.
“Dad, one more question?”
“Anything?”
“Who’s Filo?”
Quote for Today – November 12, 2017
Persistent people begin their success where others end in failure. – Edward Eggleston
Imagine Inspiring Others
There is no small, unnoticed action of outs. It is witnessed by others. Even when we act in a space where there is no human observation of our activity, we carry that action within and its presence makes itself felt as we interact with others. Our actions count. Imagine each of your actions, however small, contributing to enrich, enliven and inspire others. I can see you doing this. This brief YouTube video of a Native American woman who grew up on the “Res” will inspire you as she inspires her brothers and sisters on the “Res”.
He Needs Relationship Help
Farlo turned and looked at the garbage truck, “We don’t need this. We’re abandoning it. It’s time to rescue Harry J.”
Joey G held up his right hand like a cop directing traffic, “Hold on Farlo. We just can’t abandon a garbage truck. We got permission to borrow it.”
“Look, kid. Read your manual. It’s on page 734, section 5, paragraph 3. I quote it since you can’t find the time for reading the manual. It reads, “You can abandon a garbage truck even if you borrowed it from a beautiful, fully figured African American woman.”
Joey G said, “Do you think you’re talking to a second grader? You made all that up.”
“Didn’t. Filo has a gift to predict future contingencies. Don’t hold me back, Kid,” grumbled Farlo.
“If you’re so smart. What will I tell the beautiful, fully figured African American who wants to have drinks with me at O’Rourke’s? What if she wants to stay longer than an hour? What am going to do with tough dame?” asked Joey G.
Farlo glanced at Tina, “Do I look like his father?” Then he turned his attention to Joey G, “What did you learn in school? You’ve got no clue on working the relationship. I bet the longest you’ve been a relationship is seventy-two hours.”
Tina barked twice in agreement with Farlo.
Joey G was puzzled for a moment, then he said, “How many days is that?”
“You are dense. I think you got one too many hits to the head. You play football?”
“Fantasy football at the bar. You think the pot smoking in high school messed up my brain?”
Farlo said, “You asked and answered your question. That’s a good start. Seventy-two hours is three days.”
Joey G beamed in triumph, “You are so wrong. You don’t know everything. You only think you do.”
Farlo scratched his head. “I’m usually pretty good at this. How many days?”
“A whole weekend, one time.”
Farlo looked down to Tina, “It’s not worth it, is it girl?”
Tina Barked.
“What?” asked Joey G.
“Let’s go. I don’t want to miss Harry J again,” barked Farlo sounding like an agitated pit bull. He turned and walked toward the delivery door of the Crack House. Tina followed. Joey G stood still basking in his victory over Farlo.
Farlo reached the door, turned back, and said, “Well? You gonna stand there recalling the one exciting moment in your life before I entered it?”
Joey G scurried to the delivery door. He said, “What’s the plan? Will you mentor me on how to handle the beautiful, fully figured African American woman who digs me? What about the tough dame. She thinks I’m cute. I got two hot women after me.”
“What you have, kid, are two beautiful women who want to do charity work. No more talk, follow me.” Farlo opened the delivery door. It opened to the hallway. The tough dame stood three-fourths of the way down the hall and pointed to a room. She blew a kiss toward the trio.
Farlo extended his right arm, pretended he caught the kiss, and put his hand on his lips and sent a kiss back. The tough dame mimicked Farlo’s moves, turned and walked toward a door that left to the Crack House’s store.
Joey G whispered, “That move was so unfair. Her kiss was meant for me. I’m sure it was. If I had a few more seconds I would have made an acrobatic catch to put you to shame.”
Farlo ignored Joey G’s complaint and strode down the hallway. He stopped by the door indicated by the tough dame. Tina sat on her haunches next to Farlo. Joey G trailed, practicing extending his left arm high over his head.
When Joey G approached Farlo and Tina, Farlo put his finger to his lips and pointed to the door. Farlo stepped toward the door and put his ear against it. Joey G did the same. Tina sat on her haunches, feeling superior to the human species because dogs had super sensitive hearing.
Farlo pulled his head back from the door, Joey G stayed against the door. Farlo grabbed Joey G by the shoulder and yanked him back. He got up close to Joey G’s face and whispered, “On the count of two we’re going in. Get your head in the game.”
Joey G whispered, “What’s with counting to two instead of three?”
“I’m making it simple for you,” growled Farlo.
Farlo placed his hand on the door knob. He slowly twisted it. He moved the door a fraction of an inch, it wasn’t locked. “One, two.”
Farlo opened the door, walked in and stared at five people, three men and two women sitting in chairs who were focused on a solitary figure sitting on a folding chair in front of them. Tina and Joey G stood in order behind Farlo. Joey G was wondering if Farlo’s body would stop any bullet before it reached him.
Who are these people? Which one is Harry J? Is Filo in the room?
Quote for Today – November 11, 2017
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. – Mark Twain
Facing Our Challenges
Each day brings us a new challenge. The challenges unforeseen. The challenges, some small and some great. The challenges, at times shaking us to a very core. The challenges, looking at us, laughing at us, asking us if we are man or woman enough to face them head on and not back down. In this brief YouTube video get inspired to meet your challenges. Listen to Morgan Freeman recite William Ernest Henley’s poem, Invictus, the poem Nelson Mandela turned to for strength while in prison.
