Month: February 2019

Grieving ~ A Time To Trust Your Heart

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I was fortunate. M is a good friend and she already experienced the pain I was experiencing. She encouraged me to listen to and trust my heart. If I did so, I’d eventually fly through the thick, dark cloud obscuring my vision. Here is an excerpt from M’s advice to me from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again

“M ignored my silence. She touched my hand, “You already have the path through the pain within you; it’s just not visible right now. Imagine you’re learning to fly and the instructor takes you into a cloud. You’re flying without a reference point of what is up and down. You’re flying blind. All you can do is concentrate on the data coming from the instrument panel. You’ll hear voices in your mind screaming at you to do something different from what your instructor is telling you to do. Your intellect wants to take control. Let your heart take control—it is your personal instrument panel. It’s going to take time.”

Ordering information for the paperback or ebook version of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again may be found here.

Excerpt From: Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again by Ray Calabrese. This material is protected by copyright

Writer’s Wisdom ~ Jeanette Winterson’s 1st of 10 Tips

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Turn up for work. Discipline allows creative freedom. No discipline equals no freedom. ~ Jeanette Winterson

Today’s Reflection ~ The Journey

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“Before you embark on it you ask the question: Does this path have a heart? If the answer is no, you will know it, and then you must choose another path. ~ Carlos Castaneda

Present Moment ~ Basho

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I am one
Who eats his breakfast,
Gazing at the morning-glories. ~ Basho

Grieving Is a Sacred Experience

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Grieving hurts. I’ve found that grieving moves into the background as I move forward. It doesn’t make the noise it once made, but it found a home in my soul. I think it’s that way for others who grieve. I learned not to judge how other’s grieve, it’s a private, sacred event uniquely experience by each person who grieves. 

“M removed her hand, “It’s been four years since Peter died, Ray. I was like you. I wanted it over. My grief wouldn’t let go of me. At first, it wrapped me so tight I had trouble breathing. I quit wearing makeup because I couldn’t stop the tears from running down my face. I can breathe now. It took a little bit, but I started wearing makeup. I’m different now. But, I’m not over it. Oh, the pain comes and goes like waves on a beach. Sometimes the waves are small, barely discernible. Other times, you can take a surfboard to them.”

“I feel like I’m in a tsunami, M.”

“I didn’t experience a tsunami,” M said.

“You didn’t?” I asked.

Mine was more like an F5 tornado devastating everything in its path. Understand, Ray, what you feel is what you feel. You can’t compare it to what other’s feel. Everyone experiences loss in the same ways, just differently. Don’t judge anyone’s grief. You now understand what others feel. Let your compassion for others who suffer as you do grow.”

Ordering information for the paperback or ebook version of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again may be found here.

Excerpt From: Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again by Ray Calabrese. This material is protected by copyright


Writer’s Wisdom ~ T. S. Eliot

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But nobody can tell you how to start writing. The only good reason for writing is that one has to write. ~ T. S. Eliot

Can You Sing a Song ~ Joseph Morris

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Can you sing a song to greet the sun,
  Can you cheerily tackle the work to be done,
  Can you vision it finished when only begun,
    Can you sing a song?

  Can you sing a song when the day’s half through,
  When even the thought of the rest wearies you,
  With so little done and so much to do,
    Can you sing a song?

  Can you sing a song at the close of the day,
  When weary and tired, the work’s put away,
  With the joy that it’s done the best of the pay,
    Can you sing a song?

Joseph Morris

Today’s Reflections ~ Kindness & Sorrow

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Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside, you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing. Naomi Shihab Nye

In Grieving, A Trusted Friend Who Won’t “Fix” You is a Blessing

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Grieving is never easy, it helped to have a trusted friend who didn’t want to “fix” me. I use the first letter of her name, M, in Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again. M didn’t cuddle me or hold back when I needed “tough love.” She perfectly mixed tough love and compassion into a healing mix. Here is an excerpt of an exchange between M and me in the early stages of my grieving:

“I sat across from M and said, “Thanks for the coffee, M.” My words came without emotion.

“Talk to me.” That’s all she said.

I inhaled a deep breath. I remained silent for a moment. I wanted to tell M how I really felt. I wanted to swear, but held it in. I can swear as easily as I breathe. Babe would have told you that I don’t swear in public or at people. I reserve my swear words for situations in which no other words could be used as descriptions. I wanted to let go with my best swears, honed over time. I knew they would flow as smoothly as a Mozart concerto. They were the only words to describe how I felt.

Instead, I held back and said, “I hurt like hell, M. Honestly, I can’t concentrate. Normally, I can juggle seven or eight things at a time. It’s now difficult juggling even one.”

“You’re normal,” she said.

“This is normal? I feel like …” I caught myself before finishing.

“No, it is not normal in the way most people you know experience normal.” M replied. “It’s normal when grief strikes. It strikes like a rattlesnake: quick, painful, and intense, releasing its poisonous venom into you. Life is different, Ray. Whatever way you experienced life as before, that’s over. You can’t have it back.”

Ordering information for the paperback or ebook version of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again may be found here.

Excerpt From: Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again by Ray Calabrese. This material is protected by copyright

Excerpt From

Dancing Alone

Raymond Calabrese

This material may be protected by copyright.

Writer’s Wisdom ~ John Steinbeck

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In every bit of honest writing in the world… there is a base theme. Try to understand men, if you understand each other you will be kind to each other. Knowing a man well never leads to hate and nearly always leads to love. ~ John Steinbeck

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