I didn’t choose the pizza life—the pizza life chose me. I haven’t met a piece of pizza I didn’t like.
Show me a pizza, and suddenly I’m negotiating with my elliptical like it’s a hostage situation. I wanted to eat healthy, so I gave up red meat. When I gave up red meat there went pepperoni and sausage off the pizza. I didn’t know nitrates could taste so good. So I gradually weaned myself away and began substituting veggies and fresh mozzarella. Without the meat, I reasoned I could eat more. At first I reasoned that my weight gain was water retention. After a few more days I knew I had to take corrective action. Cut back on pizza? Never! I began calculating how long I’d have to work out at the gym so I could consume a generous slice of pizza. Eventually, through trial and error and a few pounds here and there I figured it out. If I went on the elliptical machine for one hour at a moderate pace and lifted weights for 45 minutes I could eat a generous slice of pizza and not gain weight. The problem being who can stop with one piece of pizza? The solution was simple, exercise more. Soon I found myself showing up to the gym five days a week so I could maintain my pizza habit. That’s when a friend confronted me with the startling truth, “Ray, you’ve got a problem. You’re hooked on pizza.” I answered, “That’s a good thing, right?” My friend challenged me, “You’re in denial. Do you want me to check to see if there is a pizza anonymous in the city?” My mind raced, he wants me to attend PA meetings. started to sweat. The thought of sitting with a group of like people and saying, “Hi, my name is Ray and I’m addicted to pizza.” Thanks to my friend I am reformed pizza addict. Now I eat stuff that says it’s pizza but it isn’t. It has cauliflower crust and I something that supposed to be mozzarella. At least I’m not falling asleep in the middle of the day after being exhausted from working out for a couple of hours.