You know that sacred moment when your soul whispers, “Just give me caffeine before I make decisions”? Yeah… this isn’t that story.
II brewed my morning coffee with my trusty Keurig—clean, quick, easy, and efficient, just like a ninja with a caffeine addiction. But then I had a wild thought: What if… I wanted more than one cup? I dusted off the guest-only coffee maker like it was an ancient artifact from the Temple of Java and gave it a fresh start. Cleaned it. Filtered it. Loved it.
All I needed? Ground coffee. Simple, right?
Enter: The supermarket. I spotted a coupon like a caffeinated mirage—$1 off Starbucks bags. Boom. Scanned. Grabbed the Espresso Roast. Victory lap to the checkout.
The next morning, post-stretch and still in my “zen master of mornings” mode, I prepped my majestic brewing station. Water? ✅ Filter? ✅ Coffee? OPEN THE BAG…
Whole. Beans.
My jaw dropped. My soul whimpered. I don’t own a grinder. My life turned into a slow-motion horror movie. Back to the Keurig. Back to single-serve reality.
But I’m not one to be defeated by legumes in disguise. I returned to the scene of the grind. Coffee bag in hand. Receipt ready. Hope in my heart.
Then came the clerk, clearly moonlighting as a TSA trainee.
“It’s been opened.”
(Ah yes, I sampled the beans… by looking at them.)
I went into “zen warrior” mode: Silent. Calm. Slight shrug.
She said, “Sorry, we can’t do an exchange.”
I said, “What can we do?”
She blinked like I’d asked her to solve world peace using a French press.
A puzzled look crossed the clerk’s face. I stayed silent. I don’t think the clerk studied FAQ’s about my question. I channeled my inner Zen warrior, smiled, titlted my head, and mentally walked through a meadow filled with daisies.
The clerk looked at the coffee bag and said, “I’ll have to speak to my manager.
For the next five minutes I checked texts, emails, ball scores, and photos. The clerk returned, “The manager said, this time we’ll let you exchange it, but we can’t do it again.”
Will I sleep tonight? Probably not.
Was it worth it? Absolutely.