This quote by Carlos Castaneda keeps popping into my head: “We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.”
It sounds a bit blunt, doesn’t it? But honestly, it’s one of the most empowering things I’ve ever heard. Think about it: when we’re stuck in a loop of worrying about a deadline or venting about a difficult client, we are exhausted by the end of the day. That’s because “misery” takes a massive amount of emotional labor.
Here’s the secret I wish I knew when I was younger: it takes the exact same amount of mental energy to pivot toward a solution. If you’re going to be tired anyway, why not be tired because you were building a new skill, refining a process, or crushing a goal?
Lots of things are often out of our control, but the internal work—how we process the stress—is entirely up to us. Let’s choose a path that leaves us stronger.
3 Ways to Choose Strength Today
- The 5-Minute Vent Rule: If something goes wrong, give yourself exactly five minutes to be frustrated. Once the timer hits zero, shift your focus entirely to: “What is the very next step to fix this?”
- Audit Your “Work”: At the end of the day, ask yourself, “Did I spend more time worrying about the task or actually doing the task?” Recognizing the pattern is the first step to breaking it.
- Reframing Challenges: Next time you get tough feedback, don’t view it as a critique of your worth (misery). View it as a free roadmap for exactly how to get to the next level (strength).
“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.” — Arnold Schwarzenegger