Responsibility challenges us to step up and take ownership. When my children were young, I had a responsibility to protect, love, and provide for them. When my wife was alive, I had a responsibility to love her and no other. I also had a responsibility to my employer to provide an honest day’s work for an honest for an honest day’s wage. I live in a democracy and I have a responsibility to my fellow citizens to vote and work with them to create a better society. There are many other areas of responsibility that touch our lives. They may arise on a moment’s notice. For example, if we see someone injured in an accident we have a responsibility to bring aid and call for help. The more we embrace our responsibilities the more we contribute to a kinder and compassionate society.
responsibility
Today’s Reflection: Respect
Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves. ~ Abraham Lincoln
Today’s Quote on Responsibility
You are responsible for how your life turns out, and your attitude shapes that life for better or worse.
Today’s Quote by Paul Tillich on Love
The first duty of love is to listen.
Paul Tillich
Today’s Quote by Bruce Spring
Today’s Quote
A time comes when you need to stop waiting for the man you want to become and start being the man you want to be. ~ Bruce Springsteen
Is It Time To Wake Up?
We can sleep walk through life. It’s easy when we don’t pay attention to life as it comes toward in the present moment. When we wake up, we see life as it is. It isn’t always pleasant. When we experience life, we experience it’s joy and sadness. We experience love and pain. We experience hope and despair. It’s all part of life. In this brief YouTube video Anthony DeMello challenges us to wake up. Get inspired.
Life Is Full of Surprises
Chapter 7
Nick thought what the heck and walked over to Johnny Balboni and sat down on the cold ground next to him.
Johnny reached over and grabbed a piece of cardboard and handed it to Nick, “Sit on this. It won’t be so cold.”
Nick took the cardboard and slid it under himself. He said, “Thanks, Johnny. How are you doing?”
Johnny stuck out his hand and wiggled his hand, “So, so. I do okay, You don’t look so good. You got girl troubles?” he said.
Nick shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t feel like talking. He started to get up, but stopped when Johnny put his hand on his arm.
“You got to talk to somebody or you gonna go nuts. Me, I live by myself. I don’t tell anybody what you say to me. I’m not gonna make any judgements. Before you tell me your problems, here’s an apple, I got two of them, we’ll eat and talk, that’s a good combination,” said Johnny wiping the apple first on his raggedy overcoat, then handing it to Nick.
Nick took the apple from Johnny and took a bite, “Thanks, Johnny. I was hungry. I didn’t eat lunch today.”
“Okay, what’s going on? I got all day to listen,” said Johnny.
Nick took another bite of the apple, chewed it, looked off across the ally, swallowed his bite, and began to talk. He told Johnny how he wanted to go to college out of town. He told him how he needed a scholarship so he could go to college. He told him how and why his dad got laid off. Nick talked for twenty minutes. Johnny sat beside him, listening, occasionally nodding his head.
When Nick finished, he said, “I spilled my guts, Johnny. The way my life is going is I’m waiting for the next bad thing to happen. I’m on a losing streak and there is nothing I can do about it.”
Nick scrambled in a bag, You want a candy bar, I got a couple or three in here?”
“No, you keep them,” said Nick.
“What for? You a growing boy, you need your strength. Here,” said Johnny handing Nick a Snicker’s bar.
“Thanks, Johnny.
“Not a problem. Now we gonna start with the first problem and then we gonna work through the rest of them,” said Johnny.
Nick’s first thought was I have homework to do. I have to study for the SATs. I made a mistake sitting down.
Before Nick could decide what to do, Johnny said, “What’s the problem in calculus? Maybe I can help you with it.”
Nick turned to face Johnny, “You know calculus?”
“Hey, maybe I’m 87 years old but I still know calculus.”
“How do you know calculus? Johnny asked.
“We gonna talk all day or you gonna show me the problem?” Said Nick.
Nick pulled out his iPhone and showed Johnny the photo of the calculus problem Mr. Durlo put on the screen. “I can’t figure out how he got the answer. I admit I wasn’t paying attention.”
Johnny didn’t say anything, he took Nick’s iPhone and stared at the screen. He held the iPhone in his right hand. His left hand gestured in the air. After a minute he handed the iPhone to Nick and said, “Listen up. You got any questions, you tell me after I splain it to you.”
Nick nodded. Then Johnny began taking Nick through the calculus problem one step at a time. Twice, Nick wanted to ask a question, but he stopped himself. By the time Johnny finished, Nick understood the problem and how Johnny arrived at the answer.
“I understand it perfectly, Johnny. I can’t thank you enough,” said Nick and started to get up. Johnny’s hand stopped him again. Nick took a deep breath and sat down.
“Not so fast, Nick. I’ll be here the next two days at the same time. I’ll help you with your calculus. You gonna do okay on the test, don’t you worry about it. That’s the first thing. The second thing, you gonna have disappointments in life. They happen to everybody. What you got to do is never give up. If you quit, the game is over. You as good as dead. But if you keep trying, you never know what’s gonna happen tomorrow, maybe the sun will shine on you.
“But, Johnny, it’s my dream to get out of town and study someplace else. I don’t have a chance,” said Nick.
Johnny shook his head, “Who told you that you don’t have a chance? Somebody send you a letter telling you not to try?”
“No?” Said Nick.
“Then you making this stuff up. You don’t know until it happens, You understand me?” Said Johnny.
Nick thought about it for a minute, then realized Johnny was right. He knew he was making it up.”
He turned to Johnny who was now standing. Johnny said, “I can’t spend anymore time today, I got to make my rounds. You remember what I tell you and I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”
“Right,” said Nick.
How does Johnny Balboni know calculus? Will Nick’s bad luck change? Come by tomorrow for another chapter in the Christmas story.
He’s No Bum – He’s A Human Being
Chapter 6
Mr. Durlo, the calculus teacher, used his extended pointer and pointed to the screen. “Any questions on how we arrived at this answer? Nick, you look like you’re someplace else. Do you understand the thinking we used to get this answer?”
Nick knew Mr. Durlo was right. His mind was on his dad. It was on Johnny Balboni. It was on the SATs that he’d take on Thursday. It was on everything but this class.
“I understand, Mr. Durlo,” said Nick.
Nick knew he didn’t understand, but didn’t want to embarrass himself. In one more minute the bell would ring to end class. It would be time for lunch. He was going to sit with Cara and ask her to go over the calculus problem with him. He glanced at her, but she didn’t glance back.
The bell rang, Nick stood up and walked to the front of the class and waited for Clara. The class slowly emptied. Clara remained at her desk. When Mr. Durlo and all the students were out of the room except for she and Nick, Clara said, “We need to talk, Nick.”
Clara pointed to a desk next to her. Nick’s stomach hurt. He knew Clara and knew her voice. Her voice this time was filled with seriousness. Nick had a feeling if this were a movie it was not going to have a happy ending. Nick sat at the desk in row next to Clara. He moved his desk so he faced her. He said, “Want to go to lunch? I could use some help on my calculus.”
“Yes, I want to go to lunch. But I am not going with you, Nick. I like you. I really like you. But I am going to end our relationship.”
“Why? What did I do?” Asked Nick.
“It’s not what you did. You didn’t do anything to hurt me. It’s just that with you working on the weekends we’ll never have time to see each other. I want more of a life and it’s not going to happen with you.”
“It’ll only be for a short time. As soon as my dad gets a job, I’ll be able to quit. We can see each other at lunch. We can get together on Saturday and Sunday afternoons. Want to give it a chance?” Nick didn’t want to get upset. Each time he felt his anger rising, he fought to control it.
“There’s more Nick. You don’t know it, but everyone is laughing and you and your father for helping the town bum out. He’s disgusting. You’re so much better than him. If you promise not to go near him, I’ll give it a try for a couple of weeks and see how it goes with us. Is it a deal?” Asked Cara.
Nick turned his head and stared at the Calculus problem on the screen. He thought, that is how my life looks, it’s one big problem after another. He made a deep sigh and looked at Cara, and said, “Johnny Balboni is no bum. He’s a human like the rest of us. If you talk to him, you’ll find out what a decent guy he is. I won’t stop talking to him or helping him out where I can.”
Cara took hold of her purse, she stood up and said, “Have a nice life, Nick. I’m not part of it and don’t try to sit with me at lunch.”
Nick watched Cara leave. He sat and thought about it. Everything happening to me is because of Johnny Balboni. And, Johnny doesn’t even know anything about it. Nick stayed in the empty classroom staring at the calculus problem. Twice he walked up to the screen and studied the problem more closely. He was missing something, he couldn’t figure out what it was. He snapped a photo of the problem with his iPhone to study later.
Nick went through his advanced chemistry class and his Spanish IV class in a daze. He couldn’t concentrate. In the space of a couple of days he lost his best friend, Buttons, his girlfriend Clara and any hope he had for scoring well on the SATs. After his last class, he left school and began walking home. He couldn’t remember walking home without Buttons. A first time for everything he thought.
When he got to the center of town, he decided to take a short cut through the alley behind the row of stores. He wouldn’t meet anyone in the alley, he didn’t feel like talking. He wasn’t quite sure how he felt. He was angry. He was sad. He was scared. And, he wasn’t going to tell anyone.
Nick was nearing the end of the alley when he saw an empty bottle. He bent over, picked it up and threw it against the back wall of a building. The glass bottle exploded against the wall and shattered into a thousand pieces.
Breaking the bottle didn’t help Nick. He still felt lousy. He kicked at the ground and started walking.
“Hey, Nick. Hey, Nick. What you do that for, break a bottle worth a five cents?” Said Johnny Balboni.
Nick stopped and looked for Johnny. It took him a minute before he found him. Johnny was sitting next to a large empty box, eating a sandwich and sipping from a bottle of water.
Before Nick could say anything, Johnny said, “Come over here and keep me company while I eat.”
Why does Johnny want Nick to sit with him? Will Nick’s string of bad luck stop? What else can go wrong for Nick
Forget About Being Friends
Chapter 5
Nick stood behind the counter at Martini’s Deli cutting onions into small pieces. He never wanted to look at another onion. His eyes watered and tears rolled down his cheeks. He still had twenty more onions to go. When he finished cutting the onions, he’d start cutting the green peppers, then the jalapeno peppers, then the habanero peppers.
He looked up at the wall clock, it was eight-thirty. Here he was alone, his girlfriend Cara was with her parents at her nonna’s house in Providence. He wouldn’t see Cara until he went to school on Monday. Nick made a deep sigh and kept on cutting onions.
The door opened, “Hey Nick, how’s it going?” said Buttons.
“It’s going okay,” said Nick.
Buttons took a seat on stool at the counter. “A bunch of us are going to the ten o’clock movie. Can you make it?” said Buttons.
“No. Tino will come by at ten and then I’ll have to clean up. I’ll be lucky to get out by eleven,” said Nick.
“What are friends for, Nick? I’ll hang out with you. After Tino leaves, I’ll help out and all we’ll miss is the coming attractions,” said Buttons.
“You can’t hang out without buying a sub. I’d get fired. I can’t afford to get fired,” said Nick.
“Make me a sub. What’s Tino to know. He’ll think I paid for it,” said Buttons.
Nick shook his head, “Buttons, I can’t do that, even for a friend. You know that.”
“Why not? Who’s it going to hurt. It’d be stealing,” said Nick.
Buttons wasn’t about to give up, “Let me put it this way. Suppose a starving person came in and asked you for a sub, would you give it to him?”
Nick put the knife down and leaned over the counter, “Buttons, I can’t sit and talk with you. You have to order or leave. It’s the way it has to be.”
“Some friend you are. Forget it,” said a suddenly angry Buttons. He walked to the door, then turned back to Nick. “If you can’t do me a small favor, forget about me being your friend. I’ll find another friend.”
Nick shrugged and watched Buttons leave. Buttons got into his car and drove off without waving at Nick.
Five minutes after Buttons left, a worker from the plant where his dad was laid off came into the deli. Nick knew him, it was Carl Pozzi. Nick said, “What can I do for you, Carl?”
Carl nodded, but didn’t say anything, he looked at the sub menu on the wall. Carl said, “It’s a tough decision. Maybe I want the pepperoni, provolone cheese, and hot peppers.”
“That’s a good choice,” said Nick.
“I didn’t say that was what I wanted. Maybe I’ll go with the friend eggplant, roasted peppers and mozzarella.”
Nick didn’t say anything. He waited.
“Okay, I made my decision. I’ll go with the veal parmesan with hot peppers and mozzarella.”
“Have it for you in a minute, Carl. Anything you want to drink to go with it?” said Nick.
“No, I’ll take it to go. Too bad about your dad. He would have been okay if he knew enough to keep his mouth shut, and not act stupid,” said Carl.
Nick’s back was turned to Carl as he made Carl’s sandwich. He stopped making the sandwich and turned around, “What do you mean?” Nick said.
“Your dad’s stupid. It happened last Friday. When our shift finished, the company put on a Christmas spread for us. There were sandwiches, cookies, cake, and coffee. It didn’t last long, maybe an hour. Your dad got a call on his cell, he stepped outside for a minute to take the call. I was looking out the window and saw him wave to the town bum, Johnny Balboni. Balboni’s fishing through the trash cans. Your dad finished his call and waved Balboni over. He said something to him. Balboni nodded. Your dad came in and picked up two sandwiches, a couple of cookies and cup of coffee and took it outside and gave it to the bum. I didn’t say nothing about it. But the supervisor saw him. He was angry. When your dad came back, the supervisor started hollering at him. Your dad turned and walked away. He didn’t care. You know what happened. He got laid off. It should have never happened, your dad had seniority.”
Nick was angry. Life was really unfair. You do something good and you get fired. It just wasn’t fair. At the same time, he felt a deep respect and pride for his father. His father didn’t mention it to the family. Nick made up his mind, he wouldn’t complain. He’d work hard to help support his family. If he had to go to college in town, he’d make the best of it.
Will Nick catch a break? Is the friendship between Nick and Buttons over? The Christmas story continues.
Getting Over Life’s Problems
Interviewer: “Dr. Frankl, what is the difference between people who can pick themselves up and get over life’s problems and those cannot?”
Dr. Viktor Frankl, “The decisive factor is the freedom to make a decision I want to become this way or that in spite of my conditions. … The freedom and responsibility for making something out of themselves.”
Dr. Viktor Frankl’s work, Man’s Search for Meaning guided my doctoral dissertation and played an important role in my life from the moment I read it. I’ve reread it several times. Each time I read it, I gain new insights.
His work sheds light on my path through the grieving process. In his book, he talks about discovering the meaning in one’s life that one can dedicate himself or herself to in spite of the conditions he or she finds himself or herself in.
Yes, grieving hurts like hell. I can’t do anything about it. But I discovered my meaning or some might say it is a call, and I pursue it with focus and vigor. I wrote a book about grieving and share my insights in how grieving affected me and how I am working through it. I intend to work with grieving groups to help those who share a similar experience find their way through their grieving process.
What meaning drives your life? Are you a better person because of the path you have chosen? Are others better because of you? These are questions I ask myself each day.
