“I Just Asked ‘How’s It Going?’ — And Now I Know Too Much”

Being a good listener is a gift… until it turns into a hostage situation disguised as a conversation.

I consider myself a good listener. Being a good listener has its upsides and it’s downsides. It’s upsides let you learn a lot more about people and discover their stories. That also helps you to develop friendships. One of the downsides is that sometimes you get more information than you really want. Here is a fictional conversation between two people who illustrate this point.

Mary: “How is it going ,Jean”

Jean: “Oh, I have had a terrible day.”

Mary:”What happened? Tell me about it”

Mary doesn’t realize it but she just made a big mistake. Jean will be happy because she gets to unburden her soul on Mary.”

Jean: “I’ve had it with my mother-in-law. Joe and I went to their home for dinner last night. Joe runs into the living room with his dad and they start watching a ball game while I got stuck in the kitchen with his mom. Do you know what it’s like to get stuck in the kitchen with her?”

Mary: “I’ve never had that experience.”

Jean: “Consider yourself lucky. The first thing she does is to give me an apron and then she doesn’t let me put it on. She puts it over me and ties it around me. It’s as if I didn’t know how to put an apron on and tie it behind my back. Then she tells me to go to the stove and start stirring something she has in a pan. She tells me, ‘Make sure it doesn’t burn. The last time I asked you to stir, you let it overcook. I don’t want that to happen again.” I felt like taking it and dumping it on the floor and saying,’how do you like that? It didn’t burn.’

Mary: “What did you do?”

Jean: “I started stirring it and making sure it didn’t burn. Then she says, ‘Add a pinch of salt. I don’t mean the whole jar like you threw in the last time.” I can’t do anything right with that woman. Then she brings up Joe’s former girlfriend, Debbie. Every time I’m at her home she has to tell me how Debbie is such a great cook. His mom said, ‘Debbie knew exactly how to add salt and I should see the cookies that Debbie can make. I always thought she was a great choice for Joe but love does what it does then we have to put up with it. I looked for a knife. I wanted to gut her the way you gut a fish.’ Fortunately, Joe walked into the kitchen and put his arms around me and gave me a kiss. He looked at his mom and said, “Mom, Debbie is such a great wife. I’m so happy she married me.’ I thought his mother was going to puke. So I just cleared at her and said, Joe, so romantic just like his dad. Zing!

Mary, “Well what happened?”

Jean: “Listen to what happened next. Oh darn, I’m getting a call. I’ll have to let you go, but we’ll catch up and I’ll tell you what happened.”

Poor Mary. I think she should block Jean. She got more information than she needed now she will think about it most of the day. This ever happened to you?