All Joe wants is a quiet, fragrance-free weekend. Instead, he’s facing a powder-dusted mother-in-law, a sports-ranting father-in-law, and the emotional equivalent of a three-day hostage situation—with baby powder in the air and judgment on the menu
Joe: “I’m bummed out. My girlfriend, Ann, invited her parents to come and visit us for the weekend.”
Jack: “It’s only for the weekend. It can’t be so bad.”
Joe: “You don’t know her parents. I can’t stand fragrance. I swear her mother must cover her entire body with baby powder. That’s what it smells like. It makes me gag. And her father must slap on some kind of lotion that could sink an aircraft carrier. And that’s just the start with those two.”
Jack: “Does your Ann know about your fragrance issues?”
Joe: “Yes, and she’s really quite good about it. She does her best to stay fragrance free. It’s one of the reasons I love her. Here’s how it will work out. Her father will sit down on the sofa and grab the remote. He’ll go to some sports channel and ask me to sit down and watch some game in which I’m not interested. Then he’ll rant and rave at the players on both teams, calling them stupid. Saying they’re bums, and each time he asks me what I think.” Her mother takes her into the kitchen area and talks about her father. She complains and complains about him. She gives my girlfriend a migraine.”
Jack: “Why don’t you make up an excuse like you have some disease? Maybe you can tell them you have Covid.”
Joe: “No can-do. Mr. macho, her dad, will come anyway and then he’ll tell me how he had Covid five times and refused to tell anyone and how he went to work while he had it.”
Jack: “He sounds insane.”
Joe: “Now you’re getting it. Ann and I are both vegetarians. Her parents will want to take us out to restaurants while they’re visiting. They won’t think about our needs. When her dad found out that I was a vegetarian too, he called me a pussy. And this is a quote, “Only pussies are vegetarians.”
Jack: “What did Ann say to that?”
Joe: “She just laughed and told me afterwards that it was her dad’s way of making a joke. Do you think I could poison them?”
Jack: “Are you serious?”
Joe: “No. But I do fantasize about it.
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