communication tips

Stand and Deliver (a Hug): The Parenting Hack That Could Save Your Marriage

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What started as a simple strategy to stop sibling squabbles may just be the ultimate peace treaty for adults, too. Before you storm off—try standing one foot apart and seeing what happens. Just don’t forget to pack snacks and patience.

My five daughters were all born fairly close together. We called it the Cape Catholic countdown, Lol. With the girls so close together, there were times when they didn’t get along. They’d demand that either my wife or I took sides. We didn’t fall for that trap. We did however come up with a creative solution that worked. Let’s say daughters two and three were having an argument. We found the best way to settle the argument was to have them stand face-to-face, just a foot apart, and stay that way until  they could resolve the issue they were fighting over. Within two minutes, we’d hear them laughing. They never resolved the issue, but they forgot what it was about. I think that’s a good lesson for adults too. We get in squabbles. We can’t help it. I think it must be in our DNA. What if we stood in the middle of the room facing each other until we reached some kind of agreement? Maybe we adults don’t have to stand in the middle of the room, but maybe we can agree not to leave the room until we reach agreement. That might mean we have to camp out for two or three weeks. Dialogue has to start someplace if common ground is to be found. If it can be done civilly, there would be many more happy relationships. Don’t forget to pack a lunch for you and your partner as you stand 1 foot apart until you decide whose parents will you see for Thanksgiving..

Advice, Popcorn, and Other Things No One Asked For

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Ever tried to stop someone from walking straight into a disaster only to be met with a “Thanks, but no thanks”? Welcome to the uncomfortable, cringy world of giving advice to people who didn’t ask for it—and might just be starring in their own personal B movie.

When do you stop giving others advice? Maybe we shouldn’t ever give advice to others who did not ask for our advice. Let them figure it out on their own. What if you can see that what they are okabbubg ib doing will end up disastrously? But the person you are concerned about is headstrong and all set to make a decision that only has one outcome. That outcome is bad. It sounds like I’m writing a script for a B movie. Perhaps, our lives resemble a B movie at timss and not an Academy award winner. This is especially true when the person you want to help is someone close to you. It could be a partner, a spouse, an adult child, or a parent. I’ve had these struggles. My general rule of thumb and I’m not sure it’s the right one, is to mind my own business. Let others do what they want to do. If they ask me, my advice, I’ll give it. But if they don’t ask me, my advice, I found my best strategy is to keep quiet. At the same time, I have to remind myself not to say I told you so. Maybe the best lesson we learn in our personal B movies are the hard lessons that life teaches us. We didn’t sign up for this class, but it is the class we got. If you feel must say something a strategy may be the following: When you communicate with this person say, “way of dealing with situations like these is to say, “Here’s how I see it, toss my comments in the trash if you like. I offer them in a helpful way.” Hope your B movie gets an academy award nomination and wins the award for BEST ADVICE EVER GIVEN”

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3 Amusing, Thought-Provoking Questions:

  1. Have you ever delivered a brilliant piece of advice, only to watch someone treat it like junk mail?
  2. When does helpful turn into meddling—and are we ever really objective about that line?
  3. If your life were a B movie, would your character learn the hard way… or just roll the credits and try again next season?

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