conversation

Taxing Conversations: When Small Talk Turns into a Full Audit

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Ever asked someone, “How’s it going?” and instantly regretted it? I did. What I thought would be a quick gym chat turned into an unsolicited deep dive into marital discord and overdue taxes.

What irritated you today? If something did, how long did you carry it around with you? There are times when we get irritated and our brain freezes and it refuses to move on. It’s like listening to a song on our favorite streaming service and it keeps repeating. No matter how many times we try to turn off the repeat icon on our phones or iPads, the song repeats.

This is how a conversation went down today between me and a gym buddy. My gym buddy was having one of those brain freeze moments.

Ray: “Hi, Tom. How’s it going?” (I should have thought twice before asking “how’s it going?”).

Tom: “I’m working on my taxes. I’m already six weeks late.”

Ray: “Ouch.”

Tom:: “It’s my wife’s fault. Getting her stuff is like pulling teeth.”

Ray: (I really need to change the subject). You see the ball game last night.”

Tom: “No. I had an argument with my wife over why she is so slow in getting the stuff I need.”

Ray: (Still trying to change the subject). “You have plans for the weekend?”

Tom: “Not if it involves her. I told her to go out with girlfriends Saturday night while I work on the taxes”

Ray: (Tom needs a marriage counselor and I don’t want to get caught in the middle). “I’m sure everything will work out. I see my machine is open, Have a great rest of your day.”

Tom: “You know I married her on the rebound.”

Ray: (Fist bumps Tom). “Gotta go, Tom. Hang in there.”

Tom: “There’s someone I’d like to hang.”

New Podcast: The First Step Is the Hardest: Grief, Healing, and the Will to Try

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What if the hardest part of healing isn’t the pain—but the will to begin? In this deeply honest episode, Ray shares a conversation with a grieving neighbor, reflections on discipline, and lessons from sports psychologist Bill Beswick. If you’re stuck in grief or love someone who is, this episode may be the gentle nudge toward your next step.

Listen Now:

Today’s Thought: Resolving Differences

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I am in the process of negotiating with a contractor for some work on my property. I thought we reached an agreement. The contractor emailed me a contract. When I read it, it wasn’t consistent with what I expected. I texted him. He texted back. This went on for a few more texts. Nothing was resolved. The contract stayed unsigned on my laptop. I decided to speak to him in person to see if we could iron out our differences. We met, we talked, and everything was worked out in ten minutes. I think face to face conversations are always more productive in ironing out differences of opinion than digital transmissions. The key is to enter the conversation looking for common ground.

Feeling Good Tip ~ A Pleasant Surprise at the Supermarket

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Taking Time to Connect

I went to the supermarket today. While I was pushing my cart through the produce section, this guy comes up and taps me on the shoulder. I look at him. He looks familiar. My brain is racing for a name and location. Fortunately, my brain didn’t have to race to far. It stopped at A. I said, “Hi, Al. How are you?” Al said, “You remembered me. I recognized you, but I don’t remember you name.” From there we blocked the area in front of the jalapeños and avocados and had a nice conversation. Ten minutes later we split. Taking time to have a catch up conversation is always a good thing. I felt good after talking with Al and I hope I he felt the same after speaking with me.

Kindness Works ~ A Smile is a Kind Act

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Make Friends with Everyone, Even for a Moment

It may seem unimportant, but a smile and a little sincere small talk goes a long way. Whether I’m at the grocery counter or picking up takeout, I make an effort to keep my phone in my pocket, look the clerk in the eye, and strike up a little conversation. Meeting someone’s gaze makes us more subtly aware that they’re a whole person in their own right, and it lets them know that we see them that way.

In a sense, every time we don’t look someone in the eye as we move through the mundane parts of our day, we’re losing an opportunity to see and be seen as a relatable, valuable human being with a sense of shared identity. It’s important to note that individuals with neurodivergent conditions like autism may have difficulty with eye contact, and that’s OK too.

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What if I had a conversation with myself, would I find it interesting?

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What if I had a conversation with myself, would I find it interesting? Would I find myself interesting? Would I talk only about myself and not allow my other self a chance to speak? My experience is that most people like to talk about themselves, their lives, problems and work. It’s only incidental that they draw an other into the conversation.  When we view a conversation as an exchange of ideas or experiences, we are likely to find each other interesting. 

What If . . .

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The weather is starting to cool down a bit in south Texas. It’s still hot by most standards. Instead of 100 degrees (38 Celsius), It’s cooled to 90 degrees (32.2 Celsius). Break out the gloves and scarfs – LOL. I went for a walk on a close by nature trail. I wanted some solitude and the trail offers plenty of it. Well, a biker passed by and wished me good morning. Ten minutes later he passed by again and asked how my day was going.  Ten minutes later he comes up behind me and slows down and starts talking. I had several choices. I could have told him to get lost. I could have told him i wanted solitude. Or, I could engage in conversation with him. I asked myself, What if I engaged in conversation with him. My intuitive defenses weren’t giving off an alarm, so, I did. He rode at my walking pace as we talked. After a half mile, he got off his bike and walked his bike while we talked. Here were two strangers connecting. He was from India and I from the US. A mile later he thanked me for the conversation and took off on his bike. I was grateful for meeting him and the engaging conversation we shared. 

Today’s Good Word ~ Two

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Two represents the number 2. I like the number 2.

It takes two people to dance.

It takes two people to fall in love.

It takes two people to make love.

It takes two people to hold each other in times of struggle.

It takes two people to celebrate joyful moments. 

It takes two people to have meaningful conversations.

Yes, I like 2

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