grieving

Journaling Opened My Wounds

by

Journaling opened up wounds. Each time I journaled, tears flowed as if I were caught in a torrential downpour. It didn’t matter to me. I let them flow with each word I wrote. Here is an excerpt from my first journal on how I felt when Babe died.

“Babe’s death knocked me down to the depths of new sorrow. Like a badly beaten boxer, I am in a semi-conscious state trying to grab hold of my opponent before he pummels me with both fists and sends me to the canvas hoping I’ll stay down. I wait for my mind to clear. I wait to regain my strength to continue the fight against grief. In my dazed and befuddled state, I see Babe’s presence and touch everywhere. She was my life, she is my life, and her absence is devastating. My knees wobble and my legs feel like overcooked spaghetti. I struggle to keep going, holding on to the ropes to prevent me from falling again to the canvas as grief continues to deliver hit after hit to my heart.”

Ordering information for the paperback or ebook version of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again may be found at https://optimisticbeacon.com/dancing-alone/

Excerpt From: Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again by Ray Calabrese. This material is protected by copyright

Journaling Helped Me to Unpack The Grieving Baggage I was Carrying

by

While I Grieved, Journaling Helped Me to Unpack The Baggage I was Carrying

Grieving is a heavy load to carry. M told me I was carrying a lot of baggage and it was time to start unpacking. She gave me advice that made all the difference. She encouraged me to journal as I grieved. Here is an excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again.

“You’re carrying a lot of baggage, Ray. You need to unpack it, or it’s going to burden you for the rest of your life.” M replied. “Journaling will help lighten the load so one day you will fly unafraid through the clouds. Let your journal reflect your deepest emotions, your deepest feelings, and your perceptions of what happened to Babe and you. Try journaling about your grieving experience.”

Ordering information for the paperback or ebook version of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again may be found here.

Excerpt From: Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again by Ray Calabrese. This material is protected by copyright

Grieving ~ A Time To Trust Your Heart

by

I was fortunate. M is a good friend and she already experienced the pain I was experiencing. She encouraged me to listen to and trust my heart. If I did so, I’d eventually fly through the thick, dark cloud obscuring my vision. Here is an excerpt from M’s advice to me from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again

“M ignored my silence. She touched my hand, “You already have the path through the pain within you; it’s just not visible right now. Imagine you’re learning to fly and the instructor takes you into a cloud. You’re flying without a reference point of what is up and down. You’re flying blind. All you can do is concentrate on the data coming from the instrument panel. You’ll hear voices in your mind screaming at you to do something different from what your instructor is telling you to do. Your intellect wants to take control. Let your heart take control—it is your personal instrument panel. It’s going to take time.”

Ordering information for the paperback or ebook version of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again may be found here.

Excerpt From: Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again by Ray Calabrese. This material is protected by copyright

Grieving Is a Sacred Experience

by

Grieving hurts. I’ve found that grieving moves into the background as I move forward. It doesn’t make the noise it once made, but it found a home in my soul. I think it’s that way for others who grieve. I learned not to judge how other’s grieve, it’s a private, sacred event uniquely experience by each person who grieves. 

“M removed her hand, “It’s been four years since Peter died, Ray. I was like you. I wanted it over. My grief wouldn’t let go of me. At first, it wrapped me so tight I had trouble breathing. I quit wearing makeup because I couldn’t stop the tears from running down my face. I can breathe now. It took a little bit, but I started wearing makeup. I’m different now. But, I’m not over it. Oh, the pain comes and goes like waves on a beach. Sometimes the waves are small, barely discernible. Other times, you can take a surfboard to them.”

“I feel like I’m in a tsunami, M.”

“I didn’t experience a tsunami,” M said.

“You didn’t?” I asked.

Mine was more like an F5 tornado devastating everything in its path. Understand, Ray, what you feel is what you feel. You can’t compare it to what other’s feel. Everyone experiences loss in the same ways, just differently. Don’t judge anyone’s grief. You now understand what others feel. Let your compassion for others who suffer as you do grow.”

Ordering information for the paperback or ebook version of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again may be found here.

Excerpt From: Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again by Ray Calabrese. This material is protected by copyright


In Grieving, A Trusted Friend Who Won’t “Fix” You is a Blessing

by

Grieving is never easy, it helped to have a trusted friend who didn’t want to “fix” me. I use the first letter of her name, M, in Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again. M didn’t cuddle me or hold back when I needed “tough love.” She perfectly mixed tough love and compassion into a healing mix. Here is an excerpt of an exchange between M and me in the early stages of my grieving:

“I sat across from M and said, “Thanks for the coffee, M.” My words came without emotion.

“Talk to me.” That’s all she said.

I inhaled a deep breath. I remained silent for a moment. I wanted to tell M how I really felt. I wanted to swear, but held it in. I can swear as easily as I breathe. Babe would have told you that I don’t swear in public or at people. I reserve my swear words for situations in which no other words could be used as descriptions. I wanted to let go with my best swears, honed over time. I knew they would flow as smoothly as a Mozart concerto. They were the only words to describe how I felt.

Instead, I held back and said, “I hurt like hell, M. Honestly, I can’t concentrate. Normally, I can juggle seven or eight things at a time. It’s now difficult juggling even one.”

“You’re normal,” she said.

“This is normal? I feel like …” I caught myself before finishing.

“No, it is not normal in the way most people you know experience normal.” M replied. “It’s normal when grief strikes. It strikes like a rattlesnake: quick, painful, and intense, releasing its poisonous venom into you. Life is different, Ray. Whatever way you experienced life as before, that’s over. You can’t have it back.”

Ordering information for the paperback or ebook version of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again may be found here.

Excerpt From: Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again by Ray Calabrese. This material is protected by copyright

Excerpt From

Dancing Alone

Raymond Calabrese

This material may be protected by copyright.

Life Changed When Grieving Knocked

by

Life radically changed when I began grieving. One change for me was the home Babe and I shared. I still lived at the same address. The difference now, my home became a house. Here is an excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again that talks about this change:

“My house was empty. It was no longer a home. A home was what Babe made it. It was now as empty as I was. I wandered from room to room. I didn’t know where to begin. Everywhere I turned, a memory stared back at me. I stared momentarily at a photo of us together and cried. I turned and saw the flowers she loved and the tears continued to flow. I walked into the bedroom and gazed at her side of the bed. I turned and walked into the study, my eyes staring at Babe’s empty seat with her unopened computer sitting on her desk. I quickly walked to my desk, got my computer, and closed the double doors to the study. It was too painful for me to work in there. Pain was everywhere. I couldn’t avoid it.”

Ordering information for the paperback or ebook version of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again may be found here.

Excerpt From: Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again by Ray Calabrese. This material is protected by copyright

When Grieving Strikes, There is no Turning Back

by

Willie Nelson sang, “It’s not something you get over, but it’s something you get through.” His words clearly describe grieving. When grieving hits, it leaves a permanent scar. The wound heals, but the scar remains. It’s the way it is. Here is a an excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again: 

“Grief hits like a lightning bolt. My world crashed on top of me after Babe’s death. I functioned, but I don’t remember anything I did. Tears flowed and flowed and flowed. The U.S. Army Corp of Engineers couldn’t even turn my tears off. . . . I knew the meaning of grief. And, at the same time, I never knew grief in the way I now know it. Now I am learning, and I am learning the hard way—through experience.”

Ordering information for the paperback or ebook version of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again may be found here.

Excerpt From: Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again by Ray Calabrese. This material is protected by copyright

Excerpt From

Dancing Alone

Raymond Calabrese

This material may be protected by copyright.

You Never Grieve Alone – Millions Grieve With You

by

When I entered the grieving universe I quickly discovered the millions and millions of people with grieving’s scars imprinted on their hearts.

“My prayer was answered, but not the way I wanted. Babe died five hours later. When she died, my tears began to flow and continued to flow unannounced, unpredictable, and at the most inopportune times. I am left to negotiate my way alone through the parallel universe. I thought I was the only one who grieved this deeply. I quickly learned I am one of a growing legion of people who suffer as I do.”

Ordering information for the paperback or ebook version of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again may be found here.

Excerpt From: Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again by Ray Calabrese. This material is protected by copyright
D


Grieving: You Don’t Know Until You Know

by

I wrote Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again in real time to help me understand what I was feeling and to help others who grieve along with me. Grieving hurts, but it won’t have the last word. Here is an excerpt:

“Before my world turned upside down, Babe and I shared dreams over morning coffee. We were spontaneous; we’d take off on a moment’s notice from our home in San Antonio, Texas, and take a day trip to the hill country or to Austin, or head to Vegas or the Rockies. We turned life into a continuous adventure. We filled each moment with love—a deep, abiding love. Each moment together was a love song we thought would never end. Then, without warning, our world spun out of control. Our happy, joyful, adventurous world turned chaotic.

A riptide caught hold of us and swept us far from shore. Any reluctance I had to enter this world vanished because the riptide took hold of Babe and carried her far away from me. . . . I quickly learned you don’t know until you know. I did not know I would soon become a grieving man. Only when it happened did I know.”

Ordering information for the paperback or ebook version of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again may be found here.

Excerpt From Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again by Ray Calabrese

This material is protected by copright.

.

Grieving Became My Teacher

by

I wrote Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again in real time. Grieving became my teacher. It taught me many valuable lessons. Here is an excerpt illustrating one of those lessons:

“I learned those who grieve become invisible to many people. I now know what it is like to walk among those who grieve. In the past, if I caught a hint of their suffering, I kept them at a safe distance. I offered a short hug and kind words such as, “I’m sorry for your loss,” and “Let me know if there is anything I can do.” I now walk among them, invisible to those who have not yet experienced grieving.”

Ordering information for the paperback or ebook version of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again may be found here.

Excerpt From Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again by Ray Calabrese

This material is protected by copyright

Verified by MonsterInsights