One can fail, rise, and try again and again. If one gives up, the door closes, the shades drawn. and the lights are turned off. Failure offers a lesson, learn the lesson, apply the lesson and move on. Keep moving forward. Don’t waste a moment looking back. Today is what you have, but tomorrow is jam packed with promise.
lessons
I Learned Valuable Lessons From Unavoidable Suffering
M Taught Me to Learn From Unavoidable Suffering
Here is an excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again:
“Can you see what’s happening, Ray? You’re not stuck. A grateful heart heals, renews, and recreates. Remember what Saint Teresa of Ávila said: ‘All things are passing; God never changes, patience obtains all things.’ Don’t be afraid of suffering. It’s unavoidable. You can do nothing to make it go away. It has a life of its own. You did not purposely will this suffering upon yourself. It happened. It happened as it will happen to everyone. It is part of the human condition. We can push aside all thoughts of it to some remote canyon in Texas, but it waits patiently, knowing its time will come. Instead of suffering being a curse, think of your unavoidable suffering as a wonderful gift to help you become a more loving and compassionate person. If you’re willing, you will see the lessons it is teaching you.”
Ordering information for the paperback or ebook version of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again may be found at https://optimisticbeacon.com/dancing-alone/
Excerpt From: Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again by Ray Calabrese. This material is protected by copyright
Gratitude Became my Grieving Turning Point
Gratitude Became my Turning Point
M continued to encourage me to be grateful for Babe. Being grateful was difficult because I fixed my focus on what I lost, not what I had. It was only later when I realized being grateful was the grieving breakthrough I sought. It was only later when I realized I couldn’t be grateful and sad at the same time. Here is a journal excerpt where I continue to express my gratitude for Babe.
“You taught me to love. You taught me about love. You were, and still are, love. Each moment we spent together, you taught me another love lesson. Each time you touched me, you taught me about love. Each word you spoke to me was a message of love. Each time you looked at me, you filled me with love. How can I choose to do anything else but love? You’re a gift. I buried your body, but I did not bury you. Ciao—until …”
I finished my brief journal entry. I was smiling. My heart was at peace. The images of Babe lingered with me. For the moment, life was good.”
Ordering information for the paperback or ebook version of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again may be found at https://optimisticbeacon.com/dancing-alone/
Excerpt From: Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again by Ray Calabrese. This material is protected by copyright
Today’s Quote by James Baldwin
Trust life, and it will teach you, in joy and sorrow, all you need to know. ~ James A. Baldwin
Lesson 1 ~ Poem by Julie Alger
Lesson 1
by Julie Hill Alger
At least I’ve learned this much:
Life doesn’t have to be
all poetry and roses. Life
can be bus rides, gritty sidewalks,
electric bills, dishwashing,
chapped lips, dull stubby pencils
with the erasers chewed off,
cheap radios played too loud,
the rank smell of stale coffee
yet still glow
with the inner fire of an opal,
still taste like honey.
Wisdom for Writers
The wise read the markers left by those who have blazed the trails. They learn the lessons that others in their generosity share. They adapt the lessons to their journey. Umberto Eco shares his wisdom to anyone who aspires to be a writer in this brief YouTube video. His wisdom can be applied to all aspects of life. Enjoy.
Dogs Make Great Teachers
Worries, deadlines, imagined crisis, trying to control what can’t be controlled; we’re all guilty at some time or other. These things, real or imagined, often blind us to what is important. The following YouTube video shares important values in life as taught to us by dogs. If you like dogs as much as I do, you’ll enjoy this video and learn much from it.
Maybe I Was Flirting
“Ray, Ray, do I have your full attention this is really really important?”
“How important is it La Flor? Is it still La Flor?”
“It is until I use one of my aliases.”
“What is your problem? Your eye is twitching. Your left leg is jerking at 90 miles an hour. And, you been popping chocolate truffles one after another as if they’re popcorn. Maybe I’m going to write about your character gaining an enormous amount of weight. How would you like that?”
“Don’t add to my problems, Ray. I told you I am beautiful, tough, and edgy, recall? You made me too beautiful, tough, and edgy, but don’t change anything.”
“I don’t understand. You look beautiful, tough, and edgy. You’re tanned, toned, and terrific. Do you like my alliteration to describe you?”
“I don’t have time for your nonsense.”
“Okay, what is it? I need to go to Starbucks and get my cold brew for the afternoon. Will this take long?”
“Men just don’t get it.”
“Hey, I’m one of the sensitive ones.”
“That speaks volumes for your species. If you are the archetype of the sensitive male, God help all women.”
“You’re making me look bad to my blog readers. What is your problem?”
“Do you know Jack Reacher?”
“Are you talking about the Lee Child character?”
“Exactly. He was hitting on me. I want you to do something about it”.
“Have you read any of the Jack Reacher books? I don’t imagine you have. Jack Reacher is one tough hombre. What were you doing fooling around with Jack Reacher?”
“I wasn’t fooling around with him. Well, maybe I was flirting a bit.”
“Did you go to the Alt Ego Bar with your mystery writer girlfriend?”
“So? How did I know Jack Reacher was going to show up.”
“He hit on you? What did he say? He doesn’t seem like kind of character that mistreats women. Bad guys that’s another story. Besides, I warned you about going to Alt Ego bars.”
“He sauntered to our table, bent over, his muscles popping through his shirt, his deep blue eyes were piercing my soul. It was the way he said it,”
“You’ve got a crush on Jack Reacher. Am I right?”
“No. I think it’s the real thing. Jack said,”I just wrapped up another book and I feel like celebrating. Let me pick up your tab. You beautiful ladies have a great day.”
“The real thing? I don’t think so. That was all? He didn’t sound like he hit on you.”
“That’s the problem, Ray. He didn’t hit on us.”
“Then why did you tell me he hit on you?”
“Because I wanted you to write Jack into the next blog so I can get to know him a little better.”
“La Flor, what am I going to do with you?”
“Love me?”
We all have our crazy moments. Moments when we may not be as nice as we ought. It’s one of life’s wonderful lessons, no one is perfect. No one is close to perfect. In those moments of imperfection, which are many for me, like La Flor, I ask, ‘Love me?’ Loving another, warts and all, during the good as well as the bad is the glue that holds our fragile world together.
The Tomato Heist & Really Tough Love
Joey Giamano’s dad owned Giamano’s Pizza and Bar. A warehouse separated Giamano’s Pizza and Bar from the tenement building where I lived. You’re probably wondering where is Ray going with this boyhood story – you in the last row, turn your iPad off, quit staring at your iPhone.
It’s Joey’s story. Joey and I are the same age – that is, if Joey’s alive. Chances 60-40 Joey’s not with us any longer. Joey never went by Joey. He was always Joey G. I believe he started using Joey G because he couldn’t spell his last name. He told me once, it had too many vowels. He goes, “You know it like the stuff that makes you go to the bathroom.”
I said, “You’re talking bowels or vowels?”
Joey G said, “Bowels, vowels it’s all the same.”
Now you must be getting an inkling of Joey’s intellect.
Here’s where it started to go wrong for Joey. My salvation was the grace of God and a dad who, after he gave me tough love (that’s what they call it these days); except it wasn’t the kind of tough love they talk about these days. It was really, really, really tough love. Lesson delivered. Lesson received. Oh my, was it ever received. I think it still hurts.
One lazy July afternoon, Joey and I were tossing rocks at a telephone poll in front of Giamano’s Pizza & Bar – this is what kids did before the Internet. It was harmless fun until a rock accidentally hit a passing car. Throwing rocks helped me to … did you think I was going to say become a pitcher? No, they help me to think that there had to be more to life.
Well, Joey G’s dad, Rocco Giamano, opens the door. I never saw Rocco without a full white apron with sauce stains. He calls Joey G, and said, “Joey G, we’re running short of fresh tomatoes. I want you to go to the store (it was 50 yards down the street) and get me a basket full. Tell the Beak to put it on my tab.” The Beak was Aldo
He calls to Joey G, “Joey G, we’re running short of fresh tomatoes. I want you to go to the store (it was 50 yards down the street) and get me a basket full. Tell the Beak to put it on my tab.” The Beak was Aldo
The Beak was Aldo Mangi. We all had big noses, but Aldo’s nose was something else. Hence, he got the nickname, The Beak.
Joey G said, “Pop, Aldo is way over there (Joey’s pointing at Aldo’s store). I’m in the middle of a game with Ray. Can it wait?”
Rocco wiped his pizza sauce hands on his apron and said, “You don’t get your bleep moving (only he didn’t say bleep) I”m gonna kick a field goal and you find yourself landing at the Beaks.”
“Okay, okay, I’m going. Can I take Ray?”
“I don’t care if you take Goldilocks, get me my tomatoes.”
Joey G turns to me, “Listen up. We’re going steal Aldo’s tomatoes from his garden in back of his store. He won’t miss anything.”
“I don’t know Joey G.”
“You chicken or something?”
That did it for me in those days. You could live with most things, but being called chicken was not one of the things you could live with. I agreed to go on the tomato heist.
We snuck into Larry Z’s garden. The problem is that Aldo is not in the store. He is in the garden. I said to Joey G, “We got to leave before Aldo sees us.”
Joey G doesn’t say anything. He grabs three ripe tomatoes and starts throwing them at Aldo. One of them catches Aldo smack on his clean white shirt. Joey G, throws the fourth one and takes off. Aldo runs after him only stopping after he spots me on the ground. He grabs hold of me and marches me home. He and my dad talked. They shook hands. I do not want to go into the details of tough love. Let’s say, I could no longer pal around with Joey G. Joey G was no longer welcome in the house.
Joey G was in juvenile detention when I graduated from high school. He got out when I enlisted in the army. He was in the state prison when I graduated from college. That’s the last I heard about him. The moral of the story is don’t toss ripe tomatoes at Aldo. Hey, that’s the best I could come up with on one cup of coffee.
I’m grateful for parents who made me walk a straight line. Grateful they knew who was a good influence on me and who was a bad influence on me. And, I am grateful after receiving tough love, I still felt loved.
