resilience

🔎 Day 3: What You Can Influence vs. What You Must Adapt To

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Some stressors are dragons you can slay. Others? You learn to ride them.

Understanding which stressors you can influence—and which you can’t—is a game changer. Researchers note that people who distinguish between controllable and uncontrollable stressors experience better psychological resilience and lower cortisol levels (Park & Folkman, 1997). Trying to control the uncontrollable (like others’ behavior or the past) adds more stress. Instead, channeling energy toward stressors within your influence (like how you manage time or boundaries) lightens your mental load. This distinction isn’t about giving up—it’s about growing wiser.

Action Step:

From your stress audit, mark each item with “I” (influence) or “A” (adapt). Then review how your energy is currently divided.

LIght for the Journey: Stronger for the Fall: Why Trying Matters More Than Winning

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The true strength isn’t in never falling—it’s in rising after you do. Here’s why the bravest thing you can do is try.
“The one who falls and gets up is stronger than the one who never tried. Do not fear failure but rather fear not trying.” ― Roy T. Bennett,

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Reflection:

We often admire the one who never stumbles, who seems to float through life untouched by failure. But Roy T. Bennett reminds us that true strength comes not from avoiding the fall—but from getting back up after we’ve hit the ground. Failure is not the enemy. In fact, it’s often the only path to mastery, self-knowledge, and courage. Every scar tells a story of someone who didn’t give up. The fear we should challenge is not of failure—but of the regret that comes from never trying at all. Life doesn’t reward perfection; it rewards persistence. So fall. Rise. Repeat. And know that with every effort, you’re becoming not only stronger—but more fully alive.

 The Blessing Behind the Bench: How Disappointments Build a Life Worth Living

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What if the no’s you received growing up were the hidden yes’s your soul needed to thrive?

Things that seemed devastating to us as a child or adolescent often turn out to be wonderful gifts. There were a couple of ball teams I didn’t make. Not making the teams, at the time, was devastating to me. I was disappointed and I thought I disappointed my father. Those disappointments and many others created a strong drive in me, over time, to work hard and be successful. I don’t think I would have been as successful in my life as I have been if it wasn’t for the disappointments. As I look back on my disappointments, I can thank the different coaches for not selecting me. My life would’ve been totally different if I had been selected and if I had been successful as a ball player. I’m happy with my life and the journey I’ve taken, so the disappointments must have been good for me. Somehow, without thinking about it, I turned the disappointments into a triumph. How often have you done this? I imagine you have many examples of disappointments that you turned into triumphs. Instead of ruminating on a disappointment reflect on how it transformed your life. As an adult, I’ve always operated with the notion that the path I’m on is the right path for me whether I chose it or not.

Three Questions to Deepen the Theme:

  1. Can you think of a moment in your life when not getting what you wanted turned out to be a blessing in disguise?
  2. How have past rejections or failures fueled your growth or redirected you to a better path?
  3. What story of personal disappointment can you now view through the lens of gratitude or wisdom?

Life ~ A Poem by Edgar Albert Guest

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Life’s No Dress Rehearsal—So Belt Out the Ballad, Dance Through the Drama, and Frost Your Cake With Joy. Dive into Edgar Albert Guest’s stirring poem Life, a timeless reminder that while grief may knock, joy still sings. This post explores how laughter, perseverance, and soulful choices shape the lives we live.

Life

Edgar Albert Guest

Life is a jest;
  Take the delight of it.
Laughter is best;
  Sing through the night of it.
Swiftly the tear
  And the hurt and the ache of it
Find us down here;
  Life must be what we make of it.

Life is a song;
  Let us dance to the thrill of it.
Grief’s hours are long,
  And cold is the chill of it.
Joy is man’s need;
  Let us smile for the sake of it.
This be our creed:
  Life must be what we make of it.

Life is a soul;
  The virtue and vice of it.
Strife for a goal,
  And man’s strength is the price of it.
Your life and mine,
  The bare bread and the cake of it,
End in this line:
  Life must be what we make of it.

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Reflection:

Edgar Guest invites us into life’s full theater—where comedy, tragedy, and soulful striving share the same stage. In just three stanzas, he reminds us that tears are real, but so is laughter, and while pain can linger, joy is essential. His refrain, “Life must be what we make of it,” isn’t just advice—it’s a challenge to create meaning, to choose beauty, and to craft a life that sings even in minor chords.

🧐 Three Questions to Deepen the Reader’s Experience:

  1. Which line from the poem echoes your current stage of life—the laughter, the ache, the goal, or the creed?
  2. If “life must be what we make of it,” what’s one deliberate change you could make today to shape your life more intentionally?
  3. How does the interplay between joy and grief in the poem mirror your own experience of resilience?

Light for the Journey: Your Darkest Hours? That’s Where Your True Beauty Is Forged

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Let’s face it—no one looks picture-perfect when life knocks them down. But it’s in those raw, messy moments that we shape the strongest, most beautiful parts of ourselves. Ready to see your struggles in a new light?

“Nobody looks good in their darkest hours. But it’s those hours that make us what we are.” ― Karen Marie Moning

Reflection

It’s easy to celebrate ourselves in bright, joyful moments, but it’s the dark hours—the tear-streaked, soul-worn, doubt-filled nights—that mold our character. Like steel tempered by fire, we emerge from those times stronger, wiser, and ready for whatever comes next. Never be ashamed of your scars—they’re proof you’ve faced the storm and kept walking.

Get Healthy: Cultivating Resilience – Pärt’s Spiegel im Spiegel

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When the World Shouts, Pärt Whispers Back

The secret to resilience might not be louder playlists—but quieter ones. Let Pärt whisper you back to center.

Minimalist music can strengthen inner resilience by encouraging reflection and calming the nervous system. According to a study in Trends in Cognitive Sciences (2013), slow, repetitive music fosters emotional regulation and helps build stress tolerance. Arvo Pärt’s Spiegel im Spiegel is like musical meditation—subtle, steady, and deeply centering.

Why it works: With its quiet repetitions and balance, it gently nurtures strength and mindfulness from within.The secret to resilience might not be louder playlists—but quieter ones. Let Pärt whisper you back to center.

Healthy Tips: Healing Is Possible – Hope, Recovery, and the Road Ahead

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Recovery isn’t linear. It’s messy, slow, frustrating—and absolutely worth it. With time, support, and professional care, healing is not just possible—it’s happening every day. Eating disorder recovery is a journey, not a destination. Learn about treatment options, hope-filled outcomes, and how to walk the road of healing with resilience and support.

Plot Twist! Life Didn’t Ask for Your Opinion

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Just when you think you’ve got life figured out, it throws you a banana peel, a plot twist, and a backstabber with a charming smile. But guess what? You’re still standing—and now you’ve got better shoes.

Things don’t often turn out the way we want them to. In fact, they frequently turn out exactly the opposite. Sometimes there is no understanding why they turned out the way they did and it is a mystery that we can solve. Other times, we know exactly why they turned out the way they did and we can pinpoint a person or reason why it happened. Either way, I’m not a fan. I prefer things to turn out the way I want them to turn out. Perhaps it is life’s way of teaching us Life lesson 101 – that’s life. Get over it. Suck it up. And move on. The other alternative is to piss and moan to anyone who is willing to listen. Most people will try to avoid us when we take that road. When we move on, we discover new opportunities. We discover pathways we never considered before. And ,we discover an inner strength we never knew we had. So I tip my hat and say thank you to those who stabbed me in the back and forced me to take a different road. I won’t invite you to dinner, but I will say thanks because without you I wouldn’t be where I am today. And, I’m happy where I am. Don’t ever let them get you down, show them what you are made of.

  1. When was the last time life threw you a curveball, and how did you handle it?
  2. Do you prefer the predictable comfort of plans—or the adventure of unpredictability?
  3. If life handed you another curveball right now, how would you react—head down or head held high?

Change Is Coming—Put On Your Sweatpants and Get Ready

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Things change. All we have to do is wait and we’ll see change take place. Change may or not happen in the timeframe we want it to happen, but it happens. If we keep ourselves prepared, we can be ready for the change and take advantage of it when it happens. Often times, the change isn’t the way we wanted it. It is the exact opposite. When that happens, we can become frozen, angry, or depressed or we can adapt to it. I’ve always felt that being proactive is the better choice. At least, it gives me some control of where I want to go and how I want to respond to the change I wasn’t expecting. I have a personal guideline that helps me when this happens. I say to myself, almost as a mantra, I can do this, I can do this! When I have taken this proactive approach, I can look back and say, “I did this.” When change knocks, you don’t have to open the door in a panic—just crack it open, nod respectfully, and say, “I’ve been expecting you.”

  1. What if the change you’re dreading is actually the plot twist you didn’t know you needed?
  2. When life throws you a curveball, do you duck, catch it, or ask for the rulebook?
  3. Can repeating “I can do this” out loud actually rewire your brain… or at least convince your cat you’re onto something?

New Podcast: You Can’t Return Grief at the Self-Checkout

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What do a mistaken tea purchase and a 100-degree South Texas day have to do with grief? Everything. In this reflective episode, Ray unpacks how life, unlike a supermarket, doesn’t offer exchanges or refunds—and how we must keep moving forward through the world grief leaves us in. Guided by the poems of Theodore Roethke and Jane Hirshfield, we discover that taking our waking slow, learning as we go, and finding deep resilience is how we begin to heal. Pour yourself something cold (check the label), and join us on a poetic, personal journey of strength, sorrow, and survival.

5 Salient Points from the Episode:

  • Life isn’t like a supermarket: You can’t return the parts you didn’t want—grief stays with you.
  • Theodore Roethke’s poem “The Waking” offers a gentle mantra: “We learn by going where we have to go.”
  • The importance of movement: Both literal and emotional—“mobility is movement” applies to healing, too.
  • Jane Hirshfield’s poem “Optimism” reminds us of the inherent resilience in all living things, including ourselves.
  • Even in grief, growth is possible: Slowly, painfully, and beautifully—we unpeel layers, step by step, toward life.

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