Narcissistic abuse often follows a painful pattern: the “love bombing” phase followed by a devastating “devaluation” period. This episode breaks down the psychological impact of these dynamics, specifically focusing on cognitive dissonance—the mental exhaustion of loving someone who is simultaneously causing you harm. Dr. Ray discusses why victims begin to doubt their own sanity and how to stop letting a narcissist define your reality.
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In this powerful episode, Dr. Ray Calabrese explores Carl Jung’s transformative idea of the shadow—the hidden parts of ourselves that shape our emotions, reactions, and relationships. Through vivid insights from Jung, a striking description from Margaret Atwood, and Ray’s own life-changing personal awakening, this episode shows how facing the shadow leads to emotional freedom, compassion, and inner strength. Discover why Jung believed the shadow is “90 percent pure gold,” and learn how awareness—not perfection—is the beginning of wholeness.
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No one knows what is going on inside your mind but you. Even you are not aware of all the stuff that’s going on in your mind. There are times when an honest friend will give us an accurate assessment of what they see going on with us. We react angrily or deny what they see in us exists. When we react that way, it generally is an affirmation of our friend’s observation. Psychiatrist Carl Jung termed this hidden part of us our shadow. Get it? Our shadow is behind us, we don’t see it. When we recognize this hidden part of our personality, it usually contains the things we don’t want to admit about ourselves. When we unmask our shadow and force it to come out of hiding and into the sunlight, we have an opportunity to change our lives and live more authentically.
Here is the poem:
“The Quiet Mind”
In silence, I find space to see,
A mirrored world inside of me.
Through clouds of thought, the light breaks through,
A clearer path, a clearer view.
Reflection, whether internally or externally focused, seems to be a lost practice in contemporary society. Reflection requires courage. When we reflect internally we may discover, in Jung’s words, our shadow side. We’ll see the monster who is capable of causing great pain. We will also discover other great truths about ourselves. When we internally reflect and face our shadow with courage, humility, and honest, the shadow’s power ebbs and we become free from it’s control.
I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz,
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as one loves certain obscure things,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries
the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself,
and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose
from the earth lives dimly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you directly without problems or pride:
I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love,
except in this form in which I am not nor are you,
so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,
so close that your eyes close with my dreams.
