thinking out loud

Thinking Out Loud: There’s Something Good in Your Relationship

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Learning to Appreciate. A look at appreciative inquiry. Excerpts are taken from, Appreciative Inquiry Handbook (2003) by David Cooperrider, Diana Whitney, and Jacqueline Stravros.

Appreciative inquiry is driven by two basic questions:

1.  What in this particular setting and context gives life to this system (think of a system such as your family, work group, team, anyplace where a group of people gather in a common purpose)  when it is most alive, healthy, and symbolically related to its various communities?

2. What are the possibilities expressed and latent that provide opportunities for more effective forms of organizing. 4

Note: think about your current family setting or relationship setting and let’s put appreciative inquiry to work. Imagine you and your partner or significant other go out to Starbucks to have a coffee and conversation about your relationship. You sit down and talk about your relationship. Instead of talking about what’s wrong with your relationship you change the direction of the conversation. Together you brainstorm what gives life to your relationship when it is most alive, healthy, and expresses the kind of values the both of you share. To discover the moments in your relationship that are most alive and healthy think of specific experiences you shared where your relationship was most alive and healthy. What was it about these experiences that made it special? You’ll quickly discover that you have a history of experiences where you experienced joy, overcoming challenges, and supporting each other.

Thinking Out Loud: It’s Time to Practice the Art of Possibilities

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Learning to Appreciate. A look at appreciative inquiry. Excerpts are taken from, Appreciative Inquiry Handbook (2003) by David Cooperrider, Diana Whitney, and Jacqueline Stravros.

Appreciative inquiry is inquiry into the art of the possible.  p. 4

Note: Let’s stop thinking about how impossible something may be. When we begin to change our viewpoint and believe that everything is possible, suddenly, the impossible becomes possible. Illusionary fears stop us from considering possibilities. Our illusionary fears want us to play it safe. There is no safe place. There are no guarantees. When we combine our thinking of what is possible with others who are thinking the same way we create a generative atmosphere where new ideas and new thoughts arise. Don’t listen to the naysayers. Don’t listen to the fear mongers. Listen to a heart that tells you, yes, it is possible; go for it.

Thinking Out Loud: Looking for the Best – Brings Out the Best

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Learning to Appreciate. A look at appreciative inquiry. Excerpts are taken from, Appreciative Inquiry Handbook (2003) by David Cooperrider, Diana Whitney, and Jacqueline Stravros.

Appreciative inquiry is the cooperative search for the best in people, their organizations, and the world around them. . . . Appreciative inquiry is based on the simple assumption that every organization has something that works well, and these strengths can be the starting point for creating positive change.  p. 3

Note: When we look for the best in ourselves and other people the dynamic changes. I was working with a group in a rural community. There were two members of the group who had not spoken to each other in years. I asked the group to share an experience where something meaningful and positive happened in their lives. The group began to share. When it came to a woman, part of the non-speaking couple, she took a deep breath and said (I paraphrase), “When the tornado came through and destroyed my house he (she named and pointed to the person with whom she had the problem) came to my house with a van filled with his science class students and they helped me pick through the rubble of my home. They found a metal box that held photos of my parents and other mementos. It was all that was left. The man got up from his seat and walked around the table to her. She was crying. She stood up, they embraced, and their problems disappeared. That’s what happens when we search for the best in ourselves, others, and our organizations.

Thinking Out Loud:

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Learning to Appreciate. A look at appreciative inquiry. Excerpts are taken from, Appreciative Inquiry Handbook (2003) by David Cooperrider, Diana Whitney, and Jacqueline Stravros.

Appreciate (v.) To value.; To recognize the best in people of the world around us.; affirm past and present strengths, successes, and potentials, to perceive those things that give life, Health., vitality, excellence. Inquire: To explore and discover. To ask questions. To be open to seeing new potential and possibilities. p.1

Note: How often do we appreciate others or ourselves? How often do we reflect on our journey and affirm the strength we had to overcome difficult times and challenges? We are culturally trained to be critical, to find fault with others and ourselves. When we choose to change our focus and inquire by asking different questions we discover different answers. Try asking questions that draw out data describing the best in those around you. It’s something to think about. In future posts I’ll describe the kinds of questions you can ask. Today, look at the people near you with an openness to seeing positive attributes they have that may be hidden or overlooked and let them know you appreciate them.

Thinking Out Loud: It’s Time for a New Way of Thinking

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When I was in academia my research was in the field of appreciative inquiry. Appreciative inquiry often shortened to AI has nothing to do with artificial intelligence, ChatGPT, Bard, or other artificial intelligence applications. It has everything to do with human intelligence and the inherent belief that human beings can construct the type of world in which they choose to live. It provides real hope to people who feel as if they’ve hit the bottom and the only option to give up. If you’ve followed my blog for any length of time, there’s barely a week that goes by where I fail to mention the words never give up or never quit. I must have had the appreciative inquiry gene in my DNA when I discovered it’s existence. It made all the difference for me, the students enrolled in my appreciative inquiry classes, my doctoral students, and the organizations and communities where we applied appreciative inquiry. I will share and reflect on appreciative inquiry over the next week with the hope that you will discover the best of what is in your world and use it to stimulate your imagination to make it even better.

Thinking Out Loud: Be a Force for Good

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Today’s Thinking Out Loud reflection from William Faulkner’s Banquet Speech at the Nobel Banquet, December 10, 1950

“I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. He is immortal, not because he alone among creatures has an inexhaustible voice, but because he has a soul, a spirit capable of compassion and sacrifice and endurance. The poet’s, the writer’s, duty is to write about these things. It is his privilege to help man endure by lifting his heart, by reminding him of the courage and honor and hope and pride and compassion and pity and sacrifice which have been the glory of his past. The poet’s voice need not merely be the record of man, it can be one of the props, the pillars to help him endure and prevail.” ~ William Faulkner

Note: William Faulkner gives a resounding YES to life. He is speaking to each one of us when he says we are capable of compassion, sacrifice, and endurance. Too often we see the negative in ourselves, in others, and in society. It frightens us. When we choose to search for the good in ourselves, each other, and our society, we find it. There are good people throughout our planet contributing to benefit of all people. When we choose to become a part of the good, we contribute to the overwhelming and undefeatable force of love.

Thinking Out Loud: It’s Time To Delve Deep into Our Hearts

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Today’s Thinking Out Loud reflection from William Faulkner’s Banquet Speech at the Nobel Banquet, December 10, 1950

“He must learn them again. He must teach himself that the basest of all things is to be afraid; and, teaching himself that, forget it forever, leaving no room in his workshop for anything but the old verities and truths of the heart, the old universal truths lacking which any story is ephemeral and doomed – love and honor and pity and pride and compassion and sacrifice. Until he does so, he labors under a curse. He writes not of love but of lust, of defeats in which nobody loses anything of value, of victories without hope and, worst of all, without pity or compassion. His griefs grieve on no universal bones, leaving no scars. He writes not of the heart but of the glands.” ~ William Faulkner

Note: William Faulkner won the Nobel prize for literature in 1949. In his speech, he is speaking to both young writers and to us some 70 plus years in advance. Faulkner challenges us to look into our hearts and rediscover the eternal truths residing there. He asks us to remember things like love, honor, pity, pride, compassion, and sacrifice. In a word, he asks us to rekindle our humanity. In rekindling our humanity, we can reflect on our relationships with ourself and with each other. Perhaps, it’s time to look into each of our hearts. And ask ourselves the following questions: Am I capable of compassion? Am I capable of loving unconditionally? Am I capable of providing hope and inspiration to others?

Thinking Out Loud: Opt for Peace

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Today’s Thinking Out Loud reflection is taken from Dr. Martin Luther King’s Nobel Peace Prize Acceptance Speech, 10 December 1964

“After contemplation, I conclude that this award which I receive on behalf of that movement is a profound recognition that nonviolence is the answer to the crucial political and moral question of our time – the need for man to overcome oppression and violence without resorting to violence and oppression. Civilization and violence are antithetical concepts.― Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Note: How long do we have to endure people who prefer violent solutions? Violent solutions are not limited to acts of war, but also occur in families, neighborhoods, the halls of government, and in social media. Words are used as weapons to attack, belittle, and destroy those who disagree. Do we want a world based on violence or one based on respect and civility? It begins with each of us in how we treat ourselves and those around us. Today opt for nonviolence in language, written word, and attitude. Opt to be kind, civil, and compassionate.

Thinking Out Loud: Optimism is the Fuel

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Today’s Thinking Out Loud reflection is on Cervantes  work, Don Quixote.

“Keep in mind, Sancho, that one man is no more than another, unless he does more than another; all these tempests that fall upon us are signs that fair weather is coming shortly, and that things will go well for us. For it is impossible for good or evil to last forever; and hence it follows that the evil having lasted long the good  must be now nigh at hand, so thou must not distress thyself at the misfortunes which happened to me since thou has no share in them.” ― Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

Note: like Don Quixote’s optimism. Even though he had many misfortunes, he kept believing that something good was going to happen. He was a happy warrior. When I read the online news, I see articles written by one naysayer after another predicting doom and gloom. They never admit when they’re wrong. They go on to predicting doom and gloom about something else. We live in a democracy. When we live in a democracy. We have faith that the people who live in the democracy will get it right. Democracies are grand experiments of groups of people working together to govern themselves. It takes optimism to live in a democracy and the firm belief that together we can make this experiment work. It’s the same in families. When two people get together to form a family they say to each other, “This is an experiment. And if we work at it and commit ourselves to making it work it will work. It takes optimism to fuel the fire for success.

Thinking Out Loud: Live Life Courageously

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Today’s Thinking Out Loud reflection is on Cervantes  work, Don Quixote.

“The fear Thou Art in, Sancho,” said Don Quixote, “prevents thee from seeing or hearing correctly, for one of the effects of fear is to derange the senses and make things appear different from what they are; if thou art in such fear, withdraw to one side and leave me alone to myself, for alone I suffice to bring victory to that side to which I shall give my aid.” ― Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

Note: Fear is a crippler. Once it grabs hold of us our minds create situations that do not exist. We imagine the worst and create a minefield for us to navigate through. It causes us to be paralyzed from acting. It is wise to ask ourself if the fear we currently experience is real or is it imagined? It takes courage to live. It takes courage to set out on the adventure. If we live in fear and do not take our adventure we find ourselves slowly becoming emaciated as we watch our lives slip past us. Step boldly into life and experience it to its fullest.

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