Strategy 5: Find Common Ground & Shared Values
Even in conflict, there are threads that tie us together—shared hopes, values, dreams. When we find them, we build connection.
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Post (≈250 words):
It’s easy in disagreements to feel like you and the other are worlds apart. But often, underneath what looks like opposition there are shared values—caring for family, honesty, respect, love, fairness. Highlighting what you share can defuse tension, rehumanize “the other,” and build momentum toward resolution.
Empirical research on conflict resolution and intergroup relations (including identity theory, social psychology) finds that emphasizing superordinate goals or shared identities reduces hostility and fosters cooperation. People are more willing to negotiate, compromise, or seek creative solutions when reminded of what they have in common. Also, conflict resolution training often includes exercises to uncover shared values to shift the frame from “me vs you” to “us together.”
In personal disagreements, this might look like recalling why you “team up” in other areas, what you both care deeply about (like kindness, trust, family), or what dreams you share for the future.
Practical Step Now:
Reflect on a current disagreement. Write down 1-2 values or goals you both share (even if they seem obvious). Then, when you speak next, remind the other person of one of those shared values as a foundation for the conversation.
