Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He’s all right now!
I was at the museum recently.
I asked a worker there if I was allowed to take pictures.
He said no, they had to stay on the walls.
I challenged the number 1 to a fight . . .
. . . but he brought his friends 3, 5, 7, and 9.
The odds were against me.
They all laughed when I told them that one day I would discover the secrets of invisibility.
If only they could see me now.
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, “Is this good for wasps?”
He said, “No, it kills them.”
I didn’t sleep very good last night.
So this morning I put Monster energy drinks in my coffee…
I was half way to work when I realized I forgot my car.
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says ”Sorry we don’t serve food in here”
The past, present and future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
My friend asked me, “What are your plans for the weekend?”
I said, “I’m going to buy glasses.”
She said, “And then what?”
I replied, “Then I’ll see.”
