Joe: “My girlfriend says she wants a long distance relationship with me.”
Pete: “How is that working, Joe.”
Joe: “As long as I don’t call and stay at least 100 meters away from her, the police won’t bother me.”
hilarious jokes
Today’s Smile 😃
I told my physical therapist that I broke my arm in two places.
My therapist told me to stop going to those places.
Today’s Smile 😃
A man seated at a bar turns to the man sitting next to him and says, “Hello, where are you from?”
The man next to him replies, “I’m from Ireland.”
The first man’s eyes widen as he replies, “Me too! What part of the city are you from?”
The second man replies, “I’m from Castletown, near Phoenix Park.”
The first man replies, “Me too! What’s the name of your grandmother?”
The second man replies, “Dorothy.”
The first man replies, “Wow, mine too!”
About that time, a new customer walks into the bar and asks the barkeep, “Hey Mac, what’s new?”
The barkeep replies, “Nothing much. The Thompson twins are drunk again.”
Today’s Smile 😃
Husband: “When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?”
Wife: “I clean the toilet.”
Husband: “How does that help?”
Wife: “I use your Toothbrush.”
Today’s Smile 😃
While visiting a country school, the chairman of the Board Of Education became provoked at the noise the unruly students were making in the next room.
Angrily, he opened the door and grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing most of the talking. He dragged the boy to the next room and stood him in the corner.
A few minutes later, a small boy stuck his head in the room and pleaded, “Please, sir, may we have our teacher back?”
Today’s Smile 😃
“I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me….
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.”
Today’s Smile 😃
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? “If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!”
