Having a tough day? RSVP’d to a pity party? Down in the dumps? The following YouTube video shares 5 brief stories to lift you up; to put a smile on your face: and, to put a kick back into your step.
Month: August 2017
When Does The Photo Shoot Start?
What happened in Vegas, stayed in Vegas.
The four of us are out for free pizza courtesy of Big Carmen.
“It’s a good ting my daddy is generous to us seeing he knows I spents a lot of cash on the beautiful, tough, and edgy woman in Vegas. And, it was all worth it,” said Little Carmen. I give the boy credit for a quick recovery. I want to high five him, but decide not to.
I give the boy credit for a quick recovery. I want to high five him, but decide not to.
“Who’s your daddy?” asked TT.
TT needs some work on his street smarts. It’s a toss up if he’ll survive the rough and tumble world of the alt egos.
“Are you clueless?” asked La Flor. “Who do you think sired this hunk?” La Flor now stroking the dark black hair of her well trained Little Carmen.
“Did he says ‘who’s my daddy?” Little Carmen makes squeezing motions with his fists., he needs a clue, beautiful, tough, edgy and I
“Easy, easy, big fellow. He doesn’t understand the way of the world like my hunk,” said La Flor.
“For use, I will give him a clue,” said Little Carmen. His voice about as suck up as a masculine male voice can sound.
TT acted as if he was the recipient of a series of electrical prods. He squirmed non stop. His hives spread across his neck rising to his cheeks. Both eyes twitching. His knees jerking.
“Do use have hemorrhoidals, TT? asked Little Carmen.
“I love it when TT gets nervous. He changes colors so quickly,” said La Flor.
“Uh, no.”
“Then whys use squirming like a bug on an anchovy pizza?” asked Little Carmen.
I interrupted, “TT has never met Big Carmen. He doesn’t know Big Carmen is your daddy,” I said.
“It’s okay, Ray. LC knows I love it when TT gets nervous. Look at him move. He could be on America’s Got Talent,” said La Flor.
“I’s gonna interest him to my daddy, utterwise (yes, he said, utterwise and interest instead of introduce) who is known to all, including me as Big Carmen,” said Little Carmen. Then he hollered toward the counter, “Big Carmen, if use can spare us a moment or four, can use come over? I want use to meet TT.”
“Lemmie finish this pie, Little Carmen. Since you’ve been with, and don’t get me wrong, the beautiful dish who is sitting next to use and I don’t mean, Ray, I has to work twice, maybe six times as hard making pizza. This is because I don’t have no quality help around here,” Big Carmen hollered from behind the counter.
“What happened to cousin Ernie? He didn’t work out?” asked Little Carmen.
“Ernie was working out fine. He was even doing deliveries for me. How’s I to know that he was casing houses when he delivered pizza. If I’d know that I would not have him doing deliveries. Now, the cops are detaining him until bail can be posted. I will not bail his sorry butt out. I will let Rogerio bail out his son.”
“Where’s Rogerio gonna come up with the cash?” asked Little Carmen.
“Not to worry. I loaned it to him at a favorable interest rate,” said Big Carmen.
TT said, “That’s your dad? He won’t hurt me, right?”
“Why’s he gonna hurt use? Use swiping the sugar or pepper packets? Maybe use is swiping the sugar substitute packets. If use is doing this, give them up now and I will speak in your behalfs,” said Little Carmen.
“I, I never stole anything. Honest,” TT’s voice a tick below high C. His right knee timed out at ninety-three miles an hour.
Big Carmen strolled over, “How’s the most beautiful girl on the planet doing?” He ignored the rest of us.
“If you were only twenty years younger, I’d dumped LC,” smiled La Flor.
“Use gonna dump me for Big Carmen,” a note of panic in Little Carmen’s voice.
“I said if Big Carmen is twenty years younger, LC. You don’t have to worry unless Big Carmen can make himself twenty years younger.”
“Big Carmen, use is not going to make useself twenty years younger, promise me that,” begged Little Carmen.
“No, I will do use that favor. But’s I have a big favor. I mean a really, really, really big favor I to ask this beautiful woman. If she says yes, I will be in her debt and possibly yours. But I will not be in Ray’s debt or in the skinny radish with the high pitched voice. Doesn’t he have any use knows what?”
“They was twisted in a misunderstanding, Big Carmen,” said Little Carmen. “I am hoping they get better of their own accordion.”
La Flor’s interest is piqued, “What is it BC?”
“I wants use to be the public Image of Carmen’s Pizzeria. I will plaster your beautiful image all over this city and television. When peoples see use, they will thinks Carmen’s Pizzeria. Can we make a deal that will be generous to two faults for use?”
“I need time to think it over,” said La Flor.
“How much times do use need?” asked Big Carmen.
“It’s a deal. When do we do the photo shoot?” she said.
A photo shoot? La Flor, the image of Carmen’s Pizzeria? Where is this all leading?
Never Quit – No Matter The Climb
We all experience tough moments! The tough moments have a special gift for us. They challenge us to toughen up, to show we are filled with faith, courage, and tenacity. They give us an opportunity to be examples that it is possible to transform tough situations into triumphant situations.
Never Quit, no matter how difficult the climb.
I Am Nice
“I’m not happy, Ray,” pouted La Flor.
“What’s your problem. You’re going on vacation with me. Your two puppies are coming along and they don’t have to be in cages. Why are unhappy?” I said. I know the answer, I’ll let La Flor do the honors.
La Flor gestured with her finger, “Why are you TSA approved and I am not? There’s a mistake. I don’t want to stand in the long line. I don’t want to take off my shoes. Anybody tries to pat me down, I’ll have LC smack them.”
“You don’t want to do that. It is not a good idea. He may get ten to twenty. Be nice or they won’t let you go to the gate,” I said.
“I am nice. That’s the point, Ray. Do I have to put my expensive, Italian leather handbag through the metal detector? I have important things in my handbag like my iPhone. My lip gloss. My concealer. My mascara. My moisturizer. Need I continue? They’ll ruin it. I’ll sue. I promise I’ll sue everyone who works at the airport.”
“Everyone?”
“Everyone. Even the retirees.”
The girl will not take no for an answer. I’ve got to admire her gumption.
I turned from La Flor to Little Carmen, “Is that a gold chain almost hidden by your chest hairs?”
“Un huh. I don’t believes in shaving my chest.”
“You’ll need to take off the gold chain, the gold bracelet, the expensive watch, and please button up your shirt, no one wants to see waving fields of black hair. Be like TT, he already has his shoes off. his belt is off and he has his plastic baggies with toiletries ready to go.”
“Look, Ray. See my sides. Uncle Guido game me the bracelet. Aunt Josephine gave me the gold chain.”
“What about the expensive watch?”
“Cousin Carl found it. Use know finders keepers. And, don’t asks where he found it. And also, if use thinks I’m taking these off for these TAS guys, use got another three guesses coming.”
“You tell him, LC,” said La Flor encouraging LC.
“It’s TSA. I’m ready to get in the pre approved line. If you guys make it through security, our plane to Vegas is at gate 11.”
“What do you mean, if? Can’t you write it in that we’re through security without a hitch and TSA said I was the most beautiful, tough, and edgy woman to ever go through?” said La Flor.
“No. Look, TT is in line. He has his boarding pass in his hand. He has his ID out. Looks like he’ll be going with me.”
“He is such a suck up,” said La Flor.
“Yah. And I could say other things abouts him, but I don’t want to offense anybody I already offended, if use knows what I mean,” said Little Carmen.
I got in the TSA approved line. I kept an eye on La Flor and Little Carmen. I wasn’t sure how the TSA blog writer was going to handle these two going through security. I wanted to holler a warning when I saw La Flor grab hold of Little Carmen’s hand and pull him out of line and walk around the security maze TSA uses to see who is intelligent enough to get to the screening area. It’s not going to be pretty.
TT is waiting for me when I pass through the metal detector. I go to the conveyer belt and wait for my suitcase and backpack. I hear my name,
“Ray, Ray hurry up, we’ll miss our flight. I need coffee. I need a snack,” shouted La Flor.
“Yah, the beautiful, tough, and edgy woman with friends every place needs use to hurry,” said Little Carmen.
I grabbed my backpack and took hold of my luggage and walked over to La Flor and Little Carmen. “How did you manage to get through security? You cut the line.”
“And, we didn’t take off our jewelry. We didn’t get scanned. We got through before you and you were pre approved,” La Flor said smugly.
“But how?”
“The beautiful, tough, and edgy woman is personal friends with the TSA blog writers girlfriend,” said Little Carmen.
“So, I made a call and told Emily that I was going to friend her if she encouraged her boyfriend to do me a tiny favor,” said La Flor.
“Just because you’re going to friend her?”
“I don’t give friending away easily. You have to do something for me,” said La Flor. Then she turned her attention to TT, “TT do you want to be my friend and do you want me to be your friend?”
A high pitched voice said, “Uh huh.”
“Good decision. TT, you can carry my carry on. Be careful with it, I have my extended beauty center in there. LC, you can get me my fav Starbucks drink and tell them who they’re making it for. Ray, you can walk with me to the gate and find me a seat where I won’t be near screaming kids. One other thing, Ray.
“What’s that, La Flor?” I was almost too afraid to ask.
“What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”
How does she get away with it? It’s a mystery.
Give It Your Best
Challenges surround us, problems overwhelm us. At times we may wonder if they’ll ever end; if we’ll ever have the strength, wisdom, and courage to overcome them. The answer is YES. A resounding YES. Things may not turn out the way we want, but if we give it our best and let our Creator do the rest, something good will come from our actions. Never quit. Never give up. Give it your best.
You Can’t Live Without Me
“Question, Ray. When we go on our trip, why do I have to go through security?” said La Flor.
“Are you speaking about you and your two groupies?” I asked.
“No, I am speaking about the trip you and I are taking,” said La Flor matter of factly.
“I am going solo. Alone. Traveling with only those who fly with me, which does not include you, Little Carmen, or TT.”
“The way I see it, Ray. You’re wrong. Incorrecto. Mistaken. Try again, you had two choices and the one you chose does not work,” said La Flor laying out three suitcases.
“Give me one, only one good reason why I should let you accompany me on my trip,” I said.
“Oh please. Only one good reason?”
“Yes, and it better be solid gold. A reason every sane person on the planet would agree as perfect,” I said as I put protein bars in my backpack.
“You’re not packing protein bars for a trip? How awful. To begin with, they taste horrible. The only reason to eat them is to let people think you eat healthily. While you’re at it, why don’t you stuff some kale and spinach leaves in your backpack.”
“I would but I can’t take EVOO on the plane. Don’t change the subject. You haven’t given me one good, solid gold reason for taking you along.”
“I’m going to give you three reasons. Will that satisfy you? said La Flor.
“They better be good,” I said.
“You can’t live without me,” a smug smile on La Flor’s face. Before I could answer, she added, “And, if you try, I’ll find you. I have alt ego friends at BookIt, Jetsetter, and Trivago. You can’t escape. I’ll have your photo plastered all over Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.”
“Are you threatening me?” I asked.
“No. I’m using the third rule of power persuasion.”
“Which is, La Flor?” I asked.
“If they don’t agree to your idea, give them an alternative that makes the idea sound great.”
“Where did you learn that?”
“LC’s uncle Carmen. He said it a little differently. But, I’m nice,” said La Flor.
“You’re not going to give me any peace until I say yes, am I right?” I asked.
“I promise I’ll be good. I won’t create a scene. I’ll stay in the background. You won’t have to worry about me.”
La Flor has a way of wearing me down, “You’ll have to go through TSA security. No check-in luggage and I get the window seat,” I said.
La Flor turned away from me, “Boys, he agreed. We’re going on vacation.”
From the adjoining room, two voices in acapella, one soprano, the other baritone said, “Thank you beautiful, tough, and edgy persuader.”
The Heart of a Champion
Within you is a heart of a champion. Your heart is waiting for you to set the spark to light its fire. What kind of champion will you be? If you try, try, and try again in the face of resistance, failure, and ridicule you’ll have proved yourself worthy. More than fame and fortune, a heart afire and refusing to quit is the mark of a true champion. You have that kind of heart.
Is My Mascara Running?
I sat at the breakfast bar working on a blueberry, banana smoothie. I’m reading a recipe for bean burritos on Pinterest (do I really need to read a recipe on how to make a bean burrito? I’ve got to get a life), I overheard La Flor and her proteges talking. My interest is piqued.
“We are here for you, TT. LC and I are going to help you write your profile on altegomatches.com. You’ll have all the almost as hot as me babes wanting to meet you,” said La Flor.
‘Really? Really? Really, La Flor. Will I finally get a date? Will I meet someone as nice and beautiful and tough and edgy as you?” said TT with a hint of hope in his voice. In case you’re interested, he may be a permanent soprano.
“No. Not possible,” said La Flor.
“I’m not going to get a date?”
“We’ll get you a date, but she won’t be anything like me. She will be self-centered, thinks everyone should cater to her needs, and demands constant attention.”
I wondered for a brief moment if La Flor was speaking about an identical twin.
“I founds their probiotics, beautiful, tough, and edgy idol of men and women,” said Little Carmen (he meant profile).
La Flor relished the mention of idol of men and women. What’s the first question, LC?”
“Use don’t have to answer trutfully, TT, nobody does. If use answer truthfully nobody believes you because everybody twits da trute,” said Little Carmen.
La Flor read the first question, “What is your most attractive feature? We’ll have to lie, TT, you don’t have any.”
TT said, “I think I do. I’m smart. Is that attractive?”
“Heavens no. None of the women that are right for you want someone who is smart. They want someone who is rich.”
“But, but, but, my card is maxed out. I only have thirty-five cents left on my Starbucks app. What will I say?”
“I has an idea, beautiful, tough, and edgy idol of men and women. May I speak it?”
“You have a way with words, LC. What is it?” said La Flor.
“We says TT is going to inherit a million dollars as soon as he takes his rich uncle off life support, which should be in a week,” beamed Little Carmen.
“Huh? I don’t have a rich uncle. I’d never take him off life support if I did,” said TT.
“We’re making it up as we go, TT. The same way Ray writes his blogs. Brilliant, LC. Next question, TT, ‘What are you looking for in the ideal date?'” said La Flor.
“Someone nice. Someone who is kind. Someone who likes to walk in nature and look at sunsets,” said TT.
La Flor and Little Carmen started laughing hysterically. Little Carmen was banging his fist on the table. La Flor said, “Is my mascara running. I can’t stop laughing. Tears are running down my precious cheeks.”
TT said, “Did I say something wrong?”
La Flor back in control of her emotions, said, “The woman you described is only on the old movies channel. Get real, TT. Here’s what you’re looking for. Don’t tell me. I’ll tell you, “Looking for a cougar who wants to meet a young muscular guy with great hair, and veneers.”
“I, I don’t want a live pet,” shrieked TT.
“You really need to think veneers. Maybe Rogaine. LC, we are doing charitable work with TT,” said La Flor.
“What if they want to date me? What will I do?” said TT. He had a hand on his left eye to stop a twitch. His hives were breaking out.
“We’ll cross that T when we comes to a fork in the road,” said Little Carmen.
I honestly think Little Carmen needs help. I’m not sure what kind, but he needs it, pronto.
La Flor said, “Here’s the next question, “What do you like to do.”
“I like to read and watch PBS? This won’t work, will it?” asked TT.
“Use is catching on,” said Little Carmen. He added, “Let’s say he likes to gamble. He’s a bad boy. He rides a motorcycle without a helmet. He likes to get tats on any piece of skin that doesn’t have a tat. And, he says to live is to party.”
“I got it, LC. Word for word. He’ll have the bad babes begging for a date,” said La Flor.
“But, I’m not any of those,” said TT. His body one complete rash.
“Now for your photo,” said La Flor. She turned to Little Carmen, “Pull a few good photos off Google we can add to his profile, LC.”
“Check these three out.” said Little Carmen.
La Flor looks at the photos. “I like this one. This one. and this one. What do you think, TT?”
“You’re putting a photo of a muscular black man. Dr. Oz. And, my former boss, Dr. Phil? on my profile?”
“Does use think he passed out or is taking a nap, wise woman who is also beautiful tough, and edgy?”
“Hard to tell, just in case it’s a nap, let’s not wake him.”
Life Is Precious
Life is precious, not to be wasted. When we use the gifts our Creator gave to us we may inspire others, heal others, bring joy to others, the possibilities are limitless. You have unlimited possibilities. Discover them, cultivate them, and one day you’ll bring your awesome gifts to others just as Eliud Kipchoge is bringing his gift of running marathons to us.
Everyone Loves Me
I’m a man on a mission. My sanity depends on my success. Failure is not an option. I’m on a mission to help La Flor discover her rightful place in the alt ego universe. If she finds it, her two puppies, Little Carmen and TT will follow her. I will be out of rough waters. I’ll have crossed the bridge. I’ll have parachuted and landed safely. I know I’m mixing metaphors faster than a Ninja blender makes my smoothie; if it makes you nervous, try it, it’s soothing as a mountain stream. Thought I’d toss in a simile.
La Flor and I sat across from each other at the table sipping coffee. I made my own. Little Carmen and TT, her two puppies, did a Starbucks run because La Flor wanted a specialty drink, a caramel macchiato. Little Carmen and TT also sat at the kitchen table across from each other. Little Carmen fixated on his dripping biscotti dunked into a cup holding four shots of espresso. TT sipped a chai latte. They promised not to speak while La Flor and I talked.
“Excuses me,” said Little Carmen holding his biscotti over the top of TT’s chai latte and watching the slow drip, drip, drip of espresso into TT’s drink.
“You promised not to talk,” I said.
“Use didn’t start. I recollected use said, once I starts to speech, no interpreters. Am I right? Besides, I wants to give use a heads up. TT will soon have the bee hives because he is allergics to espresso. Right, TT?”
TT scratched his arm and the back of his neck, then nodded.
I need an interpreter to decipher what Little Carmen said. I said, “Don’t pick on TT. What do you want?”
“It makes TT feels like he is one of us, which he is as long at the beautiful, tough, and edgy woman agrees. Now, use asks what I wants? Nothing. I was seeing if use started,” said Little Carmen. Then he put out his fist to TT for a fist bump. TT initially winced thinking Little Carmen was going to hit him.
I mouthed the words, ‘fist bump’ to him. TT stuck out his skinny forearm with what appeared to be a ball peen hammer at the end. The sledgehammer bumped the ball peen hammer and almost knocked TT over.
“La Flor, what you want to do with your life,” I said.
“Oh, finally getting to me after a bunch of paragraphs. I’m not important enough to start off the blog? And, may I add, only write about me? She said with an edge to her voice.
Little Carmen sensed her hostility the way a German shepherd senses a stranger is within a hundred yards of his home. His ears perked up. The hairs hanging out his large nose shot straight out. He began taking deep breaths and exhaled slowly.
“La Flor say something before I pass out,” I said.
She glanced at Little Carmen, “Easy big fellow. It’s okay. When you breathe, put your hand over your mouth and nose.”
Little Carmen’s ears dropped a notch, his nostril hairs retracted, and he placed his hand over his nose and mouth, thus deflecting his garlic breath.
“Let’s start La Flor, what are your strengths?” This was a good a place as any to start I mistakenly thought.
“Well, I am beautiful. Everyone loves me. Most of the girls are jealous of me. I set the fashion trends. I’m also smart, tough, and edgy. Did I mention, I don’t have an equal?”
“It looks like you qualify for anything you want to be,” I said realizing my mistake thinking an interaction with La Flor was to be meaningful.
“I need to go shopping, let’s get this done, close the chapter, cut to the chase, get out of here, I’m getting the willies cooped up in the slammer,” she said reaching into her handbag and pulling out an emery board and began working on her nails.
I’m usually good on my feet. I can go with the flow. Jump hoops. Wing it. I wondered if I should title this blog Mixing Metaphors.
“Tell me what you want to do with your life besides shop, be adored, have people cater to your every whim,” I said.
“Is there something else to life?” she asked sincerely, then worked on her cuticles.
I looked at Little Carmen, he shrugged. I looked at TT, he shrugged.
La Flor said, “I’m bored, Ray. Can we talk tomorrow? Boy’s tag along with me while I show off my new edgy look at the high-end stores and then we’ll scoot on over to Dino’s Vino. Dino always comps me with his best wine.”
“Yes, princes,” I muttered under my breath.
