Month: March 2019

M Offered Me Tough Love as I Grieved

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M often gave me tough love as I grieved. During a pity party, M challenged me to choose to live. She said it wasn’t easy, I’d have to frequently make the decision to counter the violence of the emotional storms I experienced. Here is an excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again where M helped me make it through another emotional storm:

“I’ve never experienced emotional storms with wind gusts reaching hurricane strength. They strike at times of their choosing. . . . I was listening to music when one of our favorite songs played. My emotions were overwhelming and I couldn’t stop the tears. How do I handle these storms, M?”

M offered a soft smile and a question. “When the tears and shaking stopped, what did you do?”

I gave M a quizzical look in reply.

“What did you do?” she asked again, softly but firmly.

“I moved the clothes out of the washer and into the dryer. I made a healthy salad to go with supper. And I put more bird seed in the bird feeder. Why?”

“I’m hearing you say you had an emotional storm. You weathered it. And, you chose to go on living. You didn’t crawl into a shell and feel sorry for yourself. . . . What’s your problem?” M pressed on. “You had an emotional storm. It came. It brought its winds. You survived. More will come. You’ll survive. You’ll survive as long as you choose to live when the storm ends.”

Ordering information for the paperback or ebook version of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again may be found at https://optimisticbeacon.com/dancing-alone/

Excerpt From: Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again by Ray Calabrese. This material is protected by copyright

Those Evening Bells ~ Thomas Moore

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Those Evening Bells

Those evening bells! those evening bells!

How many a tale their music tells

Of youth, and home, and that sweet time

When last I heard their soothing chime.

Those joyous hours are passed away;

And many a heart that then was gay

Within the tomb now darkly dwells,

And hears no more those evening bells.

And so ’twill be when I am gone;

That tuneful peal will still ring on,

While other bards shall walk these dells,

And sing your praise, sweet evening bells.

Writer’s Wisdom ~ Susan Orlean 1st of 4 Tips

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You have to simply love writing, and you have to remind yourself often that you love it. ~ Susan Orlean

Today’s Reflection ~ Creativity

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Search for what is good and strong and beautiful in your society and elaborate from there. Push outward. Always create from what you already have. Then you will know what to do. Michel Foucault

Grieving Taught Me Life Isn’t Fair

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Grieving taught me a hard lesson, ‘Life isn’t fair.’ I didn’t want to learn the lesson. I wanted life to be fair. I wanted the outcome to be different. M helped me understand life’s unfairness is an equal opportunity employer. No one is exempt from this life lesson. Here is how M spoke to me about this hard lesson in an excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again:

“Life’s not fair, M. It’s not right.”

“M dismissed my argument. “You’re no more special than anyone else, Ray. Life is not going to give you a pass. No one gets a pass. No one is born with a contract stating life will be fair. We’re born to parents we didn’t choose. We didn’t choose out cultural or economic environment. Nor did we have a choice in our religious upbringing. Life doesn’t play by the rules you want. When you think about what happened to you in a fair and not fair way, the only possible outcomes are anger and resentment.”

Ordering information for the paperback or ebook version of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again may be found at https://optimisticbeacon.com/dancing-alone/

Excerpt From: Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again by Ray Calabrese. This material is protected by copyright

Canticle of the Sun ~ St. Francis of Assisi

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Canticle of The Sun 

Most high, all-powerful, all good, Lord!
All praise is yours, all glory, all honor
And all blessing.
To you alone, Most High, do they belong.
No mortal lips are worthy
To pronounce your name.

All praise be yours, my Lord, through all that you have made,
And first my lord Brother Sun,
Who brings the day; and light you give to us through him.
How beautiful is he, how radiant in all his splendor!
Of you, Most High, he bears the likeness.

All praise be yours, my Lord, through Sister Moon and Stars;
In the heavens you have made them, bright
And precious and fair.

All praise be yours, My Lord, through Brothers Wind and Air,
And fair and stormy, all the weather’s moods,
By which you cherish all that you have made.

All praise be yours, my Lord, through Sister Water,
So useful, lowly, precious and pure.

All praise be yours, my Lord, through Brother Fire,
Through whom you brighten up the night. 
How beautiful is he, how gay! Full of power and strength.

All praise be yours, my Lord, through Sister Earth, our mother,
Who feeds us in her sovereignty and produces
Various fruits with colored flowers and herbs.

All praise be yours, my Lord, through those who grant pardon 
For love of you; through those who endure
Sickness and trial.
Happy those who endure in peace,
By you, Most High, they will be crowned.

All praise be yours, my Lord, through Sister Death,
From whose embrace no mortal can escape.
Woe to those who die in mortal sin! 
Happy those She finds doing your will!
The second death can do no harm to them.
Praise and bless my Lord, and give him thanks,
And serve him with great humility.

Writer’s Wisdom ~ Jeanette Winterson’s 10th of 10 Tips

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[I]nstead of being completely overwhelmed by the things that happen to us. We are, by the writing of that story, by the way that we tell what’s happened to us, giving it back to ourselves instead of being powerless within it. ~ Jeanette Winterson

Today’s Reflection ~ Change

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Change your life today. Don’t gamble on the future, act now, without delay. ~ Simone de Beauvoir

Grieving Generates Strong Emotions With No Let Up

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Grieving Generates Strong EmotionS With No Let Up

M asked me to journal about the emotions I was experiencing. She said, “Our emotions, if left unchecked, can cripple us.” Journaling while I grieved was difficult, I felt at a deep level it was important if I were to learn to live again. Here is a journal excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again: 

“I run from away from dealing with my emotions by engaging in exercise, prayer, and writing. Even in those times of distraction, my emotions rear their ugly heads into my space, grab ahold of me, and throw me to the floor. My emotions stand over me, waving their fists and daring me to get up, all too willing to knock me down again. I wearily rise to my knees. I stand again, my legs wobbly. I try to clear my head. It hurts like hell.

My emotions cause me to cry over the most trivial things. I go to church for solace. I gaze at the stained glass windows behind the altar and cry. I listen to hymns and cry. I hear a scriptural verse and cry. I stare straight ahead, avoiding the glances of other patrons. I don’t want people to stare at me. I let the tears stream off my face and drip from my chin. It hurts like hell.”

Ordering information for the paperback or ebook version of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again may be found at https://optimisticbeacon.com/dancing-alone/

Excerpt From: Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again by Ray Calabrese. This material is protected by copyright

Writer’s Wisdom ~ Jeanette Winterson’s 9th of 10 Tips

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There are stories that you can write, and there are stories that you can’t write. And, in the end, you write the ones that you can, and that allows you to bear the ones that you can’t. ~ Jeanette Winterson

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