resilience

Look Back With Kindly Eyes

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 Look back on Time, with kindly eyes —
He doubtless did his best —
How softly sinks that trembling sun
In Human Nature’s West — by Emily Dickinson
Now that I am dancing alone, when I pack for a flight, I try to keep it light and simple. I take all I need in one carry-on and my backpack. When my carry-on is full, it’s full and that’s it. Everything else stays behind. It’s easier that way. I don’t have to check baggage. I easily pass through TSA. Okay, I get a pat down now and then. I have to remove my shoes and belt. You all know the drill. After I pass through security, I go to Starbucks, get a coffee and head to the gate. I’m relaxed and ready to enjoy my flight and destination. Traveling alone is a teacher.
I’m learning to “Look back on Time, with kindly eyes.” The poet Emily Dickinson had it right. I’m learning to pack only good memories, and consider the rest excess baggage. I can look back and know, “He doubtless did his best.” I think knowing I did my best is a good thing. All the would have’s and could have’s and should have’s are excess baggage I’ve discarded. Here’s hoping you “Look back on Time, with kindly eyes,” too.

Grateful for the Storms

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A Grateful Hearts Sings A Joyful Song

I’m grateful for the storm
Made me appreciate the sun
I’m grateful for the wrong ones
Made me appreciate the right ones
I’m grateful for the pain
For everything that made me break
I’m thankful for all my scars
‘Cause they only make my heart
Grateful, grateful, grateful, grateful, grateful, oh
Grateful  (Written by Diane Eve Warren; Performed by Rita Ora)

Some years ago Babe and I and our five daughters and dog moved to a small western Massachusetts town. I had a new job. Four of the girls were going to new schools, and the youngest, only two years old, stayed at home with Babe while I went to work. The town, Belchertown, is in a picturesque setting near the Quabbin Reservoir, built in the 1930’s. Quabbin.pngThe state appropriated four towns and flooded them to provide water for Boston and 40 other communities. The reservoir is one of the largest man-made reservoirs in the U.S. Soon after moving to Belchertown, I rode my bicycle out to Quabbin. I had no idea it existed at the time. My route, not by design, took me past Quabbin, I turned in, crossed a huge dam and soon began to climb a steep road, a mile long. The view from the dam and climb were breathtaking to me. When I reached the top, I pulled my bicycle into a pullout and stared at the water, huge hills jutting out of the water, and eagles soaring high in the sky. Excitedly, I rode home, packed Babe and the girls in our Volkswagen van and headed back to Quabbin. As months went by, we always enjoyed hiking and berry picking in Quabbin. Yet, the initial excitement and wonder disappeared. We became used to it. I think that is why we need storms in our life to appreciate the sun. I don’t like the pain, nor wish pain for anyone, but the storms turn on a gratitude button within me that I want to make present 24/7.

I appreciate the extraordinary wisdom the songwriter expressed in this song. Her wisdom touched me at a deep place in my human spirit.

I’m thankful for all my scars
‘Cause they only make my heart
Grateful, grateful, grateful, grateful, grateful, oh
Grateful

Learning Common Sense the Hard Way

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Lessons From Life

There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.  ~Author Unknown

Why does it take so long to acquire wisdom? I consider myself intelligent. I earned a doctorate. I had a stellar career in higher education. Yet, I am a slow learner. My uneducated dad would tell my brother and me we had a great education, but the university forgot to teach us common sense. I always got a laugh out of that one.

In my dad’s lived experience of growing up with ten siblings, raised by a single mom after his father died, living through the great depression, and fighting in WW II allowed him to gain human wisdom. He called it common sense. He learned early on the things life is now teaching me. I learned:

  • Trusting God is better than asking why.
  • Living in the present moment is better than living in the past.
  • Having a hope-filled heart is better than having a bitter heart.
  • Knowing love wins, love always wins is better than not knowing or ever having experienced love.

A Glimpse of Light

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A Glimpse of Light

“Only in the darkness can you see the stars.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.

The death of someone you love with every fiber of your being blocks out the sun and brings the darkness. It’s how I describe it. A loving family, kind neighbors, and faith-filled words of believers didn’t bring any light to my darkness. I don’t know where the strength to plod ahead came from, but I plodded ahead. I stumbled and fell. I refused to give up. I felt as if I were walking in quick mud, sunk down to my knees. I could almost hear the sucking sound of the mud as I pulled my leg out of the mud and took my next step. Then it happened.

A glimpse of light. I smiled at something, a bird or butterfly. I smiled and I knew I smiled. I look up to the Texas sky and said, “Thank you.”

The mud was still there, only I was a bit stronger. I didn’t struggle quite as much pulling my leg up. And, then it happened.

Another glimpse of light. Someone listened to me tell my story again. They didn’t preach to me, they listened. And, I grew stronger. The light grew brighter. I plodded along; the quick mud only up to my ankles.

And, one day I decided to sit down write about all the things I was grateful for that my Babe gave to me. Oh, I cried and cried as I wrote. I wrote through my tears. When I finished writing, I smiled, turned toward a photo of my Babe and said thank you. And, the light shone around me and has not gone out.

Don’t give up. Plod on. Plod on. Plod on.

LOVE HEALS – LOVE RESTORES

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LOVE HEALS – LOVE RESTORES

“The heart is the place where we live our passions. It is frail and easily broken, but wonderfully resilient. There is no point in trying to deceive the heart. It depends upon our honesty for its survival.” ~ Leo F. Buscaglia

Babe’s death didn’t break my heart, it shattered it into a thousand pieces. At first, I thought my heart would never heal. Then, I don’t know when it happened, but it happened. I stopped looking inward and turned my attention outward toward other people. Toward creation. A desire arose within me to be a friend to everyone and every creature I met. I wanted to make each person I met have a better day because I interacted with them. It started slowly, like a gentle spring rain. A sprinkle or two of love returned to me. I didn’t pay much attention at first. Then the sprinkle turned into a gentle rain and love began to flow to me non-stop from unexpected and surprising sources. It happens wherever I travel, with whomever I meet. Someone told me it is happening because it is my expectation. I think a bit differently. I think it is happening because God’s grace turned me inside out and turned my attention away from me to others.
Love is healing my shattered heart. My heart will be stronger, more loving, more compassionate than ever before. Love heals. Love restores. Love renews. I’m grateful I didn’t hide until love found me. Love was waiting for me to answer its call. When I turned my vision toward others, love welcomed me with arms wide open.

 Love Wins – Love Always Wins

 

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