There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go. ~Author Unknown
Why does it take so long to acquire wisdom? I consider myself intelligent. I earned a doctorate. I had a stellar career in higher education. Yet, I am a slow learner. My uneducated dad would tell my brother and me we had a great education, but the university forgot to teach us common sense. I always got a laugh out of that one.
In my dad’s lived experience of growing up with ten siblings, raised by a single mom after his father died, living through the great depression, and fighting in WW II allowed him to gain human wisdom. He called it common sense. He learned early on the things life is now teaching me. I learned:
Trusting God is better than asking why.
Living in the present moment is better than living in the past.
Having a hope-filled heart is better than having a bitter heart.
Knowing love wins, love always wins is better than not knowing or ever having experienced love.
I planned ahead for this week when I went shopping over the weekend. I bought red, green, jalapeno, and poblano peppers. The peppers invited two of their BFFs, sweet onions, and mushrooms. So sweet onions went into the shopping cart. As for the mushrooms, I bought the already sliced kind. I want to save my fingers for blogging.
It didn’t take me long to decide on the star for this meal. Do I hear a drumroll? The announcer speaks, “And, here’s shrimp, straight out of a great appearance in the Gulf.” You know my dancing alone, single guy rule, “HEALTHY & EASY.” I bought frozen, already peeled, deveined, and cooked shrimp. I might get three meals out of the bag.
I’m going to make a Stir Fry, shrimp and veggie meal. I’m a visual guy. I see things in my mind’s eye before they become real. In my mind’s eye, my meal looks so good, the Food Channel wants me to compete with Bobby Flay. In my dreams, right? I’ll answer that, right!
Making this meal is easy. It’s healthy. And, it’s fun. I try to put lots of love into my meals. That’s a lesson Babe taught me. She’d say, “Ray, always give thanks for the food, the people who farmed it, those who harvested it, and the people who brought it to the marketplace.” Babe was spot on. I’ll show how I prepared this meal in steps.
Step one: Get the veggies ready for fiesta. I sliced and diced my way through red, green, and poblano peppers. I’m only feeding one guy, so I used a half of each type of pepper. I placed the remainder in baggies for another meal. I sliced and diced a chunk of onion – that’s how a guy measures, in chunks. I poured EVOO over it and tossed the veggies together. I wanted them to get to know each other a bit better before dinner. Let’s call it an icebreaker for veggies.
Step Two – Turn up the heat. I spray my pan with Pam and add a splash of EVOO (guy speak) and turn up the heat to high. I put the glass cover on the pan and wait a minute or two for the popping sound. When I hear it, it’s time for the veggies, They hit the pan with a nice sizzling sound. I cut some fresh from the garden basil and rosemary and add it to the mix, put the top back on and watch ESPN for a few minutes. Every once in a while I have to go to work and turn the mix over. In the meantime, I take the shrimp out of the freezer. I think fifteen is a nice number, no, I’m not preparing food for a Quinceañera (note the number 15). My friends tell me my sense of humor is a little out of step. I pop the shrimp in the microwave for one minute to mostly thaw. Then, I toss (I was going to say dump, but I’m watching my guy speak language) the shrimp in with the veggies. I grab my iced tea take a long sip, check out ESPN again. I flip the combo around like they’re doing the salsa on a Friday night and I’m ready for the next step.
Step Three – Adding the money – Well, not actually money, but the green stuff, which is money because it is so good for your health – I add spinach and chopped kale. I don’t add them until the veggie’s and shrimp are nearly done. Here’s the deal with spinach and kale. They cook quickly.
Spinach Added
Kale Added
I made myself a healthy meal. It was fun to cook, great to eat, and it was easy (good thing I’m buddies with the dishwasher). Check it out:
“A single sunbeam is enough to drive away many shadows.” ―Saint Francis of Assisi
Grieving has taught me to look outward, to search for the light, and to walk in hope. Turning inward is natural when one suffers a great loss. I felt angry, bitter, and constantly asked, “Why?” I discovered there are now answers to why. Life’s sense of fair play is to be unfair to all. It happens.
I also learned that living in darkness offers no hope, no way out, and becomes a self-imposed prison. The warden of the prison is me, and I hold the key to open the door and walk into freedom.
It takes courage to take the key, insert it into the door, and walk out of the darkness. Once out of the darkness, the light warms, It heals. It renews. It restores.
Let the light drive away your shadows. Be the light for others.
“Only in the darkness can you see the stars.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.
The death of someone you love with every fiber of your being blocks out the sun and brings the darkness. It’s how I describe it. A loving family, kind neighbors, and faith-filled words of believers didn’t bring any light to my darkness. I don’t know where the strength to plod ahead came from, but I plodded ahead. I stumbled and fell. I refused to give up. I felt as if I were walking in quick mud, sunk down to my knees. I could almost hear the sucking sound of the mud as I pulled my leg out of the mud and took my next step. Then it happened.
A glimpse of light. I smiled at something, a bird or butterfly. I smiled and I knew I smiled. I look up to the Texas sky and said, “Thank you.”
The mud was still there, only I was a bit stronger. I didn’t struggle quite as much pulling my leg up. And, then it happened.
Another glimpse of light. Someone listened to me tell my story again. They didn’t preach to me, they listened. And, I grew stronger. The light grew brighter. I plodded along; the quick mud only up to my ankles.
And, one day I decided to sit down write about all the things I was grateful for that my Babe gave to me. Oh, I cried and cried as I wrote. I wrote through my tears. When I finished writing, I smiled, turned toward a photo of my Babe and said thank you. And, the light shone around me and has not gone out.
We all know about Mondays – the start of a work week. Getting our heads out the weekend and into the world of work. It’s different for a guy dancing alone (I imagine it’s the same for a gal dancing alone). I want Monday night’s dinner for one to be healthy, fun to make, and leave me feeling satisfied when I finish.
It’s a warm south Texas spring day, so no slow cooker operation – I have the windows open to catch the nice breeze and I’m holding off on the air conditioner – the slow cooker during warm weather doesn’t need air conditioning, but I do. So I opted for Monday Madness. I decided to make a super healthy salad, big enough to quench my appetite.
I begin with the base: HEB’s (HEB is the go to market in south Texas) organic baby kale and baby spinach. It’s triple washed, ready to go. I like that part, a lot. I fill a large dinner bowl with the kale and spinach.
I like cranberries. They’re super healthy for you and add a nice taste to the salad. Here’s a trick I learned to soften them up and bring out their great taste. This time of year the only cranberries I can get are frozen. I take a handful, put them in a small bowl, put a paper towel over them and in the microwave they go for 45 seconds. When I hear the finishing ding, I carefully grab hold of the bowl (watch it, it’s hot) and scoop the cranberries out with a spoon and place them on the salad.
I need a shot of protein in my salad, so I turn to my heart healthy friend, Almonds. I place a dozen of almonds around the bowl. It’s looking pretty good. The next easy step, I place organic cherry tomatoes around the bowl like I’m making a presentation for the Food Channel.
I live in south Texas. What’s a meal without an avocado, right? I love guacamole, but not tonight. I’m happy, my avocado turns out perfect, no bad spots. You never know with the avocado until you cut it open. I sound like a surgeon, make it an avocado surgeon, por favor. I make slices in the avocado and place it on the salad. Phew, almost done.
I drizzle Modena balsamic vinegarette over the salad and follow that with the vinegarette’s cousin, extra virgin olive oil (first cold pressed). I add a sprinkle of Feta cheese to enhance the taste and give me a bit more protein. Here’s the finished product.
“The sea is not less beautiful in our eyes because we know that sometimes ships are wrecked by it.”– Simone Weil, Waiting for God
I awoke this morning to a beautiful south Texas day. The sky blue and without a trace of clouds. The sun peaking over the horizon promising to warm me and all living creatures who inhabit this part of the world. I am grateful this day. Babe and I would sit on the patio and sip coffee and enjoy the beautiful south Texas mornings before we began our work. I treasure those memories. I treasure each mug clink. And, I treasure the sound of a far-off rooster announcing the new dawn.
The mornings are still beautiful. The coffee is still hot. And, the rooster still announces the new day. I sit alone for a few moments grateful to a loving God that Babe and I shared that time together. I continue to see the beauty of the day; a grateful heart carries me forward, unafraid, into the future. It is good to be alive. I feel blessed for the journey I’ve had, the journey I’m traveling, and for a hopeful future in front of me.
Before I became a grieving guy, I empathized with those who lost someone they love. I went to visitations, funeral services, sent sympathy cards and hugged the grieving. I thought I knew, but I didn’t. Grieving is a task master. It won’t take no for an answer. It makes demands that must be answered. It’s difficult to describe what it feels like. Joan Didion said,
Grief is different. Grief has no distance. Grief comes in waves, paroxysms, sudden apprehensions that weaken the knees and blind the eyes and obliterate the dailiness of life. Virtually everyone who has ever experienced grief mentions this phenomenon of “waves.
Most people I met who grieve, do so silently, heroically, standing tall and strong in the face of a relentless wind. I found two important pieces to learning to dance with grieving for me are prayer and action. I read somewhere, pray as if everything depended on God, act as if God totally depended on me. Prayer and action, two sides of the healing coin. My mantra when I first began grieving was “Get Up & Get Going.” I didn’t know where I was going, but I knew I had to get going. The following prayer is one I often read that gives me strength that everything will turn out right. Perhaps it will offer you the same kind hope.
“The heart is the place where we live our passions. It is frail and easily broken, but wonderfully resilient. There is no point in trying to deceive the heart. It depends upon our honesty for its survival.” ~ Leo F. Buscaglia
Babe’s death didn’t break my heart, it shattered it into a thousand pieces. At first, I thought my heart would never heal. Then, I don’t know when it happened, but it happened. I stopped looking inward and turned my attention outward toward other people. Toward creation. A desire arose within me to be a friend to everyone and every creature I met. I wanted to make each person I met have a better day because I interacted with them. It started slowly, like a gentle spring rain. A sprinkle or two of love returned to me. I didn’t pay much attention at first. Then the sprinkle turned into a gentle rain and love began to flow to me non-stop from unexpected and surprising sources. It happens wherever I travel, with whomever I meet. Someone told me it is happening because it is my expectation. I think a bit differently. I think it is happening because God’s grace turned me inside out and turned my attention away from me to others.
Love is healing my shattered heart. My heart will be stronger, more loving, more compassionate than ever before. Love heals. Love restores. Love renews. I’m grateful I didn’t hide until love found me. Love was waiting for me to answer its call. When I turned my vision toward others, love welcomed me with arms wide open.
As a Grieving Guy who lives alone, I had to learn how to cook healthy meals if I wanted to stay healthy. I love asparagus. I don’t like it steamed. I don’t like it soft. I like it a bit on the crunchy side. My problem with asparagus is that I like it a lot, so I roast all of it. Usually, I take no prisoners, if you know what I mean. My dad used to say, “Ray, you belong to the clean plate club,” when I was very young.
I use a large rectangular baking pan to roast my asparagus. To make it easier, I get the aluminum foil that doesn’t need any spray. I like to make it as easy on myself as possible. I cut off the ends of the asparagus and lay them out next to each other. I place them close to each other. I don’t think asparagus can get claustrophobic. Once I have them lined up, I baste them with EVOO.
One of the gifts of living in south Texas is that rosemary grows year-round. I have three rosemary bushes. I went into the backyard and snipped two large sprigs of rosemary. Love the smell and taste of it. I rinsed it off, and use my cooking scissors to let it fall like snow on the EVOO covered asparagus.
I turn the oven on to 4500 and let it heat up. I sprinkle crushed red pepper on it since I like to kick it up a notch. Once the oven reaches its temperature, I slide the asparagus in and set my iPhone timer for ten minutes. In the meantime, I get a pair of tongs and set them aside so I can test the asparagus. While the asparagus is cooking, I grate parmesan origiano. I’ll sprinkle some on the top of the asparagus and slide the pan back in the oven for two minutes to melt the cheese.
I must mention, I snagged a piece and ate it before I put it back in the oven. What’s a guy to do, right?
The finished product – I’m not too artistic, no A for presentation. It was very good.
was spot on. I’ll show how I prepared this meal in steps.
