I Want Heads and Tails

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“Beautiful, tough, and edgy one, I needs to talks to use about something I needs to talk about,” said LC.

“That’s nice, LC. But what I have to talk about is more important than what you have to talk about. So, what you have to talk about will have to wait until I finish talking about what I want to talk about,” said La Flor.

“I didn’t quite understand what use is saying. I tink I got the first part. Maybe the third part, but I don’t remembers the second part is nada.”

“Don’t try to sweet talk me using Spanish. You are the smartest person I know besides me. How did you master Spanish without studying? Don’t tell me until after I tell you what I want to tell you.”

“Let’s play a little game,” said La Flor.

“I like this idea, it will break the tunnel (I think he meant to say tension) over who gets to talk first, second, and turd (He meant to say third).”

“Okay, I’ll go first. I’m going to talk and you have to remember everything I said. You can’t interrupt or you lose. When it’s your turn, we’ll call Ray over and he has to be quiet while you talk and then we’ll see how much he remembers, which won’t be much because he only pretends he’s listening.”

“How can we tell who wins?” said LC.

“It’s not about winning. It’s about how we play the game,” said La Flor.

“There’s gotta be a winner so’s Big Carmen can set the odds in case anybody wants to place a bet.”

I can’t take anymore. They’re driving me nuts. I walk over, “Why don’t we flip a coin to see who goes first. Do you agree?” I said.

La Flor looked at LC. LC looked back at La Flor. They both looked at me and nodded.

I need to change my name to Solomon.

“Who wants heads?”

In unison, “Me.”

“You both can’t have heads,” I said.

“Why not?” asked LC.

“I’ll take tails, if it will help, but I want eight tries to win,” said La Flor.

“That’s brilliant beautiful, tough, and edgy one. I want tails with the same deal, too, Ray-mo,” said LC.

“I changed my mind. I want heads and tails, Ray,” said La Flor.

“You can’t have heads and tails,” I said.

“Why can’t she, Ray-mo? My beautiful, tough, and edgy girl who gives me goose bumps when she touches me can have anything she wants,” said LC.

Before I could say another word, they’re both out of their chairs. La Flor does the leap. I head to the patio.

We’ll try again tomorrow to find out what’s bothering these two. But now it’s time for love.

Want To Change?

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Change isn’t easy. It’s difficult. It’s really difficult when we’re in an established routine. We can make change easier for ourselves and for others if we think differently about change. What if an enjoyable alternative was offered to replace what we want to change? It works. In the following YouTube video you’ll see a creative approach to changing behavior. There are no limits to how we can restructure our environment to help us those we live or work with to change.

Dare To Push The Boundaries – 2 Minutes of Inspiration

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Don’t be afraid. Don’t be frightened. Push the boundaries. Take your “crazy dreams” and chase them unrelentingly. We are not designed to be spectators. We are designed to play. Let’s push the boundaries and see what happens.

Simple Tips To A Happier Life

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Sometimes I make it too complicated. Does it sound familiar? In my most lucid moments, it’s all so simple. Love the person in front of me. Cherish the present moment. Be grateful. Connect with family, friends, and neighbors. Enjoy each moment. Laugh a lot. Don’t be afraid to cry. Always show up when a friend needs me. Enjoy the brief Vimeo video that offers simple tips that will help you enjoy life a lot more. It will only cost you about 3 minutes. 

 

Paper Fortress: 2009 – 2011 Reflection from Stebs! on Vimeo.

He Dedicated His Life To Pleasing Her

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Few things in life are certain. One thing is for sure, La Flor’s interest in career opportunities has a shelf life of 24 hours. Don’t believe me. Follow along.

“Ray, I need a career change. I’ve accomplished all a human being can accomplish in the medical field. It’s time to move on, don’t you think?” asked La Flor.

“What’s the real reason?” I asked.

“Big Carmen asked me if I took care of bullet wounds. The only red I like is when I put it on my lips,” said La Flor.

“I think it’s time for a career change.”

“Are you proud of my accomplishments in the medical field?”

“You only worked with one patient, Lil Carlo,” I said.

“Yes, and everything I did was a medical breakthrough. I’ve got to leave some breakthroughs for other people,” said La Flor.

“What kind of change are you thinking about?” I said.

“Oh, it’s set and this one is permanent,” La Flor said with enthusiasm.

“Okay?”

“LC and me are going to be a famous duo. Like Ike and Tina, Sonny and Cher, Marie and Donny, Otis and Carla.”

“What about the Everly Brothers, Simon and Garfunkel?” I added.

“Get real, Ray. LC should be here any minute, we’re going to write our first song and then sing it acapella for you,” beamed La Flor.

“Don’t go through any trouble,” I said.

“LC sings like an angel. He’s better than Buble. Sinatra might have been famous if he sang like LC. Justin Bieber? Wish in one hand, you know what in the other, guess which one Bieber will get first? Taylor Swift would give anything to replace me and now she can drool. Need I go on?” asked La Flor.

“No, I get the picture.”

“LC is an accomplished musician; of course, your prejudiced and wouldn’t notice,” said La Flor.

“An accomplished musician? I’ve never seen him with an instrument,” I said.

“He’s a private person. He could be a star in his own right. He isn’t because he’s dedicated his life to pleasing me,” said La Flor.

“Wise choice. What instrument has he mastered?” I asked.

“The air guitar,” said La Flor without a hint of smile.

A screech of tires. A door slamming. A siren in the distant background. I ran to the front door, and opened it just in time to avert the explosion of my door against the wall. LC dove headfirst into the entrance way, sliding ten feet across the Saltillo tile on his full body spandex suit.

“Close the door, Ray-mo. Quick,” he hollered.

I closed the door. LC pulled off his ski mask, latex gloves, and said, “I needs a beer. It’s hot working in a ventilator system. Do me a fav and burn my clothes.”

La Flor has perfected the leap, which she performed with amazing dexterity. Legs around LC’s waist, arms around LC’s neck. Lips synchronized to lock on contact. I turned and walked to the fridge. It’s my first choice when my anxiety level kicks up a notch.

Twelve minutes later, five minutes for the gymnastics, five minutes to change, and two minutes to pack his discarded clothes in a donation bag to leave at the church. LC comes out of the bedroom donation bag in his right hand, the remnants of his bottled beer in his left hand.

“I am ready to compose and dispose is use know what I mean,” said LC proud of his quip.

“Leave the bag in the hallway, Ray can carry it to church when we go on Sunday. I don’t want to you to be caught, I mean messing up your clothes with it,” said La Flor.

“Huh?”

Come by tomorrow to see the duo’s first song. They promise it will be a hit.

 

A Life’s Lesson in Three Minutes

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How are you living your life? Grab hold of it with both hands. Be grateful for this wonderful and wonder-filled gift. Discover what you love and  passionately embrace it. Grab hold of life and make a difference. Enjoy your family and friends. Enjoy nature. Enjoy ever sip of coffee and bite of food. Take nothing for granted. Enjoy it all. Be grateful for it all.

 

The Holstee Manifesto Lifecycle Video from Holstee on Vimeo.

Your Brain Is Working Fine

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The following is a part of a series, sometimes serialized, sometimes spontaneous. It’s all farce. The characters are all fictitious and fun to be around. ENJOY!

LC, dressed in blue scrubs, paces back and forth across the living room. He stops at every turn to check his iPhone. Slips it back into his pants and commences walking. LC and La Flor turned my living room into an examination office. My smart TV is in my bedroom. A folding table with a white sheet is now the examination table. Life as I used to enjoy it is evaporating.

“LC, stop pacing, you’re making me dizzy,” I said.

“Use is getting dizzy? Whats about me. I’m the one doing the pacing and then the turning and then the pacing and then the turning . . .”

“Okay, continue pacing. What are you worried about?” I asked.

“How could use tell? Dis is like my beautiful, tough, and edgy woman’s first patient. She’s got special plans for Lil Carlo and I hopes they works. I tinks they will save his life.”

Save Lil Carlo’s life? Special plans? I don’t like the sound of this. “What kind of special plans does La Flor have in mind?” I ask.

Before LC can answer, cymbals crash, a cherry bomb goes off, a car backfires in front on my house. Then I hear, “Sorry about the wall, Ray. I’m here for my annual physical,” said Lil Carlo. All five feet two inches, one hundred and ten pounds, most of it in his nose and ears, walks into the living room.

Before I can say a word, Lil Carlo pats his windbreaker, “Tell the doc, I ain’t taking off my gun no matter what. I sleeps with it on. I showers with it on. I go to the can with it on. After I dump someone in the river, I go to confession with it on. So, I am not going to take it off.”

“Don’t worry about it, Lil Carlo. Use don’t have to take off use clothes for this inspection,” said LC.

“Do I has to bend over or anything like that?” said Lil Carlo a hint of fear in his eyes.

“No, that’s disgusting. The beautiful, tough, and edgy one never does anything disgusting,” beamed LC. Then he added, “Would use like a beer, glass of wine, or a shot of whiskey before use is examined?”

“I like this already. I’ll take all three if their free,” said Lil Carlo settling into the sofa.

“They is on the house because use is a milestone, not to be confused with a kidney stone. Make you self comfortable while I gets use drinks,” said LC.

A cooing voice from a bedroom, “LC let me know when Lil Carlo finishes his drinks, I’ll be out to examine him.”

Lil Carlo tossed down the shot of whiskey, drained a bottle of beer without coming up for air, swirled the wine in his mouth before sending it down his esophagus. “Not every day, burp, that I gets to be, burp, examined, burp, by eye candy, burp.”

What happened next will be written about in the Harvard Medical Journal. The Mayo Clinic will send a team to study the technique. Bill Gates will donate millions to spread the knowledge. It’s a family blog and I will keep it to the bare minimum facts. Speaking of the bare minimum.

Dr. La Flor walked into the living room with a stethoscope draped around her neck that one can only say was purchased at the Dollar Store. She was not wearing the traditional white coat, instead, she did her shopping at Fredericks of Hollywood, and was wearing a negligee.

Lil Carlo grabbed hold of his shot glass, held it straight out, the nurse practitioner, AKA LC, filled it. Lil Carlo tossed it down and held out his arm again.

Dr. La Flor sat of the sofa next to Lil Carlo. She put the plastic ends to the toy stethoscope in her ears, and placed the stethoscope on Lil Carlo’s forehead, “Your brain is working fine.”

She moved the stethoscope to Lil Carlo’s ears, “Your hearing is perfect. Why are you breathing so hard? Did you just finish working out?”

Lil Carlo attempted to speak, but, confused, he started singing, “A well’a bless my soul / What’sa wrong with me? / I’m itchin’ like a man in a fuzzy tree / My friends say I’m actin’ wild as a bug / I’m in love / I’m all shook up.*”

Dr. La Flor said, “I want to meet the lucky girl, Lil Carlo. Stand up, this is a special test I invented. Stand up.”

“My, my knees are weak, beautiful, tough, and edgy eye candy doctor,” said Lil Carlo.

“Come on, I’ll help you,” said Dr. La Flor taking hold of Lil Carlo’s hand. “Now, put your left foot in, Your left foot out, your left foot in, and shake it all about. You do the hokey pokey And turn yourself around. That’s what it’s all about.”

“Dats whats it’s all about?” whimpered Lil Carlo.

“Yes. That’s what it’s all about. You passed. Tell Big Carmen you got an A plus on your annual physical.

“Use give me a reason to live another year. Use is the best doc I ev ah had,” said Lil Carlo.

“I am good,” said La Flor.

“Huh?”

*Lyrics from All Shook Up lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd

 

Your Heart’s Voice

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What is call within your heart? Is it softly speaking to you? Is it shouting? There is a call in each of our hearts sending us on a unique mission to make our world a better place. Listen to your heart’s call, act on it, and you will astound yourself and others with what you are able to accomplish. Lewis Pugh’s deep call is to make us aware of the effects of climate change on our planet. In this YouTube video, Mr. Pugh swims in below freezing water as he becomes the first person to swim across the North Pole. It is his unique call and response that raises attention to climate change.

Do I Hear an Amen?

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The following is a part of a series, sometimes serialized, sometimes spontaneous. It’s all farce. The characters are all fictitious and fun to be around. ENJOY

Amazing. A sense of euphoria! I’m shocked! Stunned silence! What happened? I’ll let La Flor tell you.

“It was simply awesome. Who makes people saints? I got to talk to her because Big Carmen has to be made a saint,” said La Flor.

“I think you have to be dead to be saint,” I said.

“That’s all wrong, Ray. Big Carmen took all the money from this weeks collections and we flew down to Houston, then to Tampa and he donated it. Every cent. He’s not even going to declare it on his income tax. Did you see LC helping distribute the pizzas we took down from Carmen’s Pizzeria? He was doing the work of seven men and four women. You know I said four women, because a woman does almost twice the work of a man and gets twice less pay. Let me hear it girls! Do I hear an Amen?”

“Why?” I asked.

“Of course your prejudice. After all he collects from the rich and gives to the needy. That’s the way it should be.”

“It may not be quite legal,” I said.

Doesn’t matter. Big Carmen inspired me. I know what I want to do with the rest of my life.”

“You do?”

“Yes! I am going to be doctor. I am going into family practice. I’ll be great. No, I’ll be awesome. I may get my own TV show.”

“It takes years of study, La Flor. You can’t be a doctor without going to medical school.”

“Says who? I know already everything I need to know and what I don’t know, I’ll have LC Google it. Think about it, Ray. I work a couple hours in the morning, have LC do the rest. I make lots of money. And, I become famous.”

“Sound like you’re going into medicine for all the right reasons,” I said.

“I seeing my first patient tomorrow,” said La Flor.

“You’re not a doctor,” I said.

“I beg to differ. I have proof,” La Flor reached into her handbag and pulled out a freshly printed business card.

Dr. La Flor

Specializing in Family Practice and Whatever Else Ails you.

“This will work!” I have to check the alcohol content of the wine she’s drinking. Then I said, “Who’s your first patient?”

“I’m giving Lil Carlo his annual physical. It’s an organization requirement. Big Carmen said I could be the family’s doctor,” La Flor said cocking her hair toward the front door.

The earth moved slightly, the a second tremor was felt from the 6.2 earthquake. Then from the hall, “Use got to do someting about the whole (yes, he said whole instead of hole) in the wall. Can I bee (yes he said bee instead of be) the second patient for an annual physique,” hollered LC.

“Come in here you physical specimen. Catch me,” said La Flor. One, two, three steps legs locked around LC’s hips, arms around his neck, and lips connecting. Maybe this could be an Olympic sport. I’ve got to think about the Alt Ego Olympics.

They untangled five minutes later. La Flor, grabbed hold of LC’s arm. “Ray, check out my nurse practitioner.”

“Huh?”

Come by tomorrow for Lil Carlo’s annual physical.

 

Are You Ready For Your Moment?

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Are you ready for YOUR MOMENT? No one knows when it will happen. Or, if it will ever happen. Are your READY if and when it happens? It’s takes a heap of faith, a big dream, and a heart filled with hope knowing that if you keep on working, keep on studying, keep on improving you’ll be READY. Don’t let your moment pass by. Be ready to grab hold of it with a grip so tight nothing will shake you loose. Enjoy this YouTube video where a young singer was ready for his moment when called to the stage by Josh Groban.

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