Toxic people thrive on reaction. In this episode, Dr. Ray Calabrese explores how a simple pause can help you respond with calm, reclaim control, and protect your peace.
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calm
Emotional Refuge: Designing Calm in a Chaotic World
When your home calms your heart, the world can’t shake your peace.
Emotional wellness thrives in spaces that feel safe and orderly. A 2010 UCLA study (Center on Everyday Lives of Families) found that people who described their homes as “cluttered” had elevated cortisol levels throughout the day (Saxbe & Repetti, 2010).
Clutter equals emotional noise—it whispers “unfinished” and keeps the mind agitated. By contrast, open spaces, soft lighting, and familiar scents soothe the nervous system. The goal is not perfection but alignment: a space that mirrors calm rather than chaos.
A home that nurtures emotional health is one where comfort outweighs comparison—where you can breathe freely, cry openly, and laugh loudly.
Action Step:
Pick one surface—desk, nightstand, or countertop. Clear it completely, then replace only what brings joy or calm. Notice how your mood shifts.
“Outer order contributes to inner calm.” — Gretchen Rubin
Calm it is Quiet ~ A Poem by Gunnar Bjorling
Calm it is Quiet
Gunnar Bjorling
Calm it is quiet
it speaks not laughs not
it is quiet
calm, thinks not
longs not anymore
calm it is quiet
the eye has shut itself
the heart doesn’t beat.
Calm Like Thunder: Why Storms Might Handle Stress Better Than You Do
While the skies were throwing an electrical tantrum last night, I was oddly at peace—dozing between thunderclaps like a seasoned nap ninja. If only I could summon that same calm during a Wi-Fi outage or when I realize I left my grocery list on the kitchen counter.
Yesterday, we were under tornado watch from 4 p.m. until 10 p.m. Around 9 p.m. thunderstorms rolled in one after another throughout the night. I enjoy thunderstorms. I’d wake up when a lightening flash and the accompanying thunder were seemingly instantaneous, then it was off to dream land. If there was a tornado, hoped the sirens were loud enough to wake me. I’d like to feel as calm as I feel during a thunderstorm when I get caught up the day’s chaos. That’s a good goal to work toward since most of the day’s chaos isn’t too important. Yet, it is easy to give it more importance than it deserves. Let’s try walking through today and let the small irritations flow on by. Keep a smile on and shine your light.
Healthy Tips: The Junk Drawer Method: Organize Something Pointless
When your thoughts start stacking like a Jenga tower built by squirrels, it’s time to outsmart them by focusing on something beautifully irrelevant—like the disaster zone known as your junk drawer.
Tip: Sort a drawer, toolbox, or spice rack. By giving your brain a low-stakes, hands-on task, you quietly give it a job that requires just enough attention to crowd out the noise. Bonus: you’ll finally find that missing AAA battery.
Healthy Tips: Calming Your Fears
Ever get the jitters before doing something like talking in front of a group, interviewing, or waiting to hear some news? That’s all normal. Today’s emotional health tip shows a technique to help you get in control of the jitters.
Ground Yourself in the Present (Mindfulness Trick)
Why it works: Stress pulls you into the past or future. Mindfulness brings you back to the now.
How: Try the 5-4-3-2-1 method: name 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste.
Example:
You’re about to walk into a big interview and feel like you’re going to pass out. You pause, plant your feet, and run through your senses. You’re not in danger—you’re just in a moment. You walk in calm and collected (and still employed).
Source: ChatGPT
Healthy Tips: 🌳 Take a Hike, Stress: Why Walking Might Be Your Best Therapist
Welcome to Day 2 of our “Stay Calm, Carry Snacks” series. Today’s tip? Walk it off—literally. When life feels like a pressure cooker on high, sometimes the best thing you can do is get out of the house (or your own head) and let your legs lead the way.
Whether it’s a lap around the block, a hike through the woods, or a power stroll to the mailbox and back, walking in nature (or anywhere, really) helps lower stress hormones, clears mental fog, and gives you the illusion that you’ve got it all together—even if you’re wearing mismatched socks.
🧘♂️ Why It Works:
• Moving your body calms your mind
• Nature boosts feel-good chemicals
• Squirrels are great listeners
• You can’t doomscroll if you’re walking without your phone
So the next time you feel like tossing your phone out the window or Googling “How to move to Iceland without telling anyone,” try something simpler:
Put on your shoes.
Go outside.
Breathe.
Walk.
Repeat.
No co-pay, no waiting room, and no clipboard judging your snack habits.
Source: ChatGPT
Healthy Tip: 🫁 Day 1: Breathe Like You Mean It (Because Gasping Doesn’t Count)
🧘♂️ For the next 5 days (beginning with this post) I am going to share a different way to stay calm and keep your cool. Non of us are immune from high stress situations. A small trigger an set us of causing us to say or do something we later regret. Healthy
Breathe Like You Mean It (Deep Breathing)
Why it works: Deep breathing activates your parasympathetic nervous system—your body’s natural “calm-down” mode.
How: Try box breathing: inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. Repeat.
Example:
You’re stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic, running late. Instead of white-knuckling the steering wheel, you take five deep, slow breaths and focus on the rhythm. Your heart rate drops, your grip relaxes, and suddenly you’re not yelling at the radio.
Dealing With Angry or Overly Excited People
I’ve been watching YouTube videos by Caesar Milan. He’s known as the dog whisperer. In the videos he goes to a home where there is a dog with behavior problems. One of the techniques he emphasizes is to get the dog calm before trying to train the dog. He is patient as he waits for the dog to calm down before he takes the next step. It’s also a good strategy we can use when we are dealing with people who are angry or overly excited. We can help them to calm down by being calm ourselves. A good strategy is to be aware of our voice. If we talk lower and softer than the angry or excited person, we’ll gradually move them in that direction. They, like the dogs Caesar deals with will be easier to work with once they are in a calmer state.
