Most everyone I know who loses someone they deeply love asks why. In this brief video I share my thoughts with other, like me, who asked why.
How Fascinating
Hafiz
How
Fascinating the idea of death
Can be.
Too bad, though,
Because
It just isn’t
True
Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep
Mary Elizabeth Frye
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
Songs for Joy
William Henry Davies
Sing out, my soul, thy songs of joy;
Sing as a happy bird will sing
Beneath a rainbow’s lovely arch
In the spring.
Think not of death in thy young days;
Why shouldst thou that grim tyrant fear?
And fear him not when thou art old,
And he is near.
Strive not for gold, for greedy fools
Measure themselves by poor men never;
Their standard still being richer men,
Makes them poor ever.
Train up thy mind to feel content,
What matters then how low thy store?
What we enjoy, and not possess,
Makes rich or poor.
Filled with sweet thought, then happy I
Take not my state from other’s eyes;
What’s in my mind not on my flesh
Or theirs I prize.
Sing, happy soul, thy songs of joy;
Such as a Brook sings in the wood,
That all night has been strengthened by
Heaven’s purer flood.
How
Fascinating the idea of death
Can be.
Too bad, though,
Because
It just isn’t
True.
Hafiz
M told me losing the ability to be grateful is common among men and women who grieve. She encouraged me to “relearn gratefulness.” She suggested I begin by journaling my gratitude for Babe. Here is an excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again:
“I am grateful for how Babe helped me lighten up and not take life so seriously. I am grateful for how she saw in me what I couldn’t see for myself. I am grateful each time I heard her laugh. I am grateful for the times we made love. I am grateful for each of our dates. I am grateful for how Babe taught me to manage a household. I watched and learned from her. The lessons she taught me helped me to keep the house clean, cook, make things neat, and manage money. Little did I know, God was using Babe to prepare me this part of my life.
I am grateful for the small things. I can still see her childlike excitement at decorating for Christmas, her delight while she cooked a meal, or her enjoyment as she sipped a cup of coffee. I am grateful for watching her get all dolled up for me. I told her many times she was born beautiful. I am grateful for her excitement whenever we planned a trip. She would start packing two weeks early. “I am grateful for the moments when I was anxious and she’d put her hand on my neck. As if by magic, my tension and anxiety would instantly disappear.”
Ordering information for the paperback or ebook version of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again may be found at https://optimisticbeacon.com/dancing-alone/
Excerpt From: Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again by Ray Calabrese. This material is protected by copyright
M could see in me what I couldn’t see or feel in myself. She said, “Ray, you’re making progress. It’s time to take a bold step.” Taking this step was easier said than done. Here is an excerpt from my journal in Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again:
“Knowing what I should do and knowing why it is good for me do not always coincide. M told me I have no choice but to learn to live again. I can no longer lock myself behind the walls of my house. It’s time for me to reach out to others and connect with them in more meaningful ways. Why can’t people connect with me? Why do I have to do all the work? Why can’t it just happen for me and to me?
I sound like a child not wanting to do chores. Choosing to live again isn’t as easy as it sounds. It is a whole new learning curve. I am being asked to choose to live, even if it is painful and pain-filled. It means re-engaging life and answering yes to M’s question, “Do I choose to live and to act on my decision?”
Ordering information for the paperback or ebook version of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again may be found at https://optimisticbeacon.com/dancing-alone/
Excerpt From: Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again by Ray Calabrese. This material is protected by copyright
Each morning I woke to face my adversary, grieving. Grieving waited for me with a smile seeking to knock me down again and again. Each day I rose determined to fight back. Slowly, I was becoming stronger, more resilient. I didn’t notice it at first; it was at the ten week mark of grieving where I thought I got a glimpse of dawn that lasted long enough to give me hope. Here is an excerpt from my journal in Dancing Alone: Learning to Love Again:
“I am at the ten-week mark of grieving. I think I see progress in small ways. In other ways, the emptiness is as strong as it was on day one. Living one day at a time, doing the best I can, and trying to stay in the moment is a herculean task.
Perhaps grief will never leave me. I wonder when people look at me and see me smiling if they think I’ve bounced all the way back and no longer see me grieving. I put on a happy face. I smile. I engage in conversations. I try not to speak about my grieving. If asked, I share my story again and again. It is the price I pay for the gift of loving Babe. Would I trade my life and wish it differently if I knew my life with Babe would end this way? I wouldn’t think about it for a second. My life with Babe was, and continues to be, a love story.
Babe, through her life, taught me to love. She was as close to God in her life as anyone I’ve ever known. Why would I trade that?”
Ordering information for the paperback or ebook version of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again may be found at https://optimisticbeacon.com/dancing-alone/
Excerpt From: Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again by Ray Calabrese. This material is protected by copyright
