emotional intelligence

Let It Slide: How Suspending Judgment Can Save Your Relationships

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When emotions run high, it’s easy to react and regret it later. Learning to suspend judgment might be the secret to keeping love intact.

Suspending judgement frees us from acting in ways we might later regret. A neighbor caught me walking one evening and I thinkj she needed to vent about her daughter. It was okay with me. I figured if I let a bit of the air out of her balloon she’d feel better. She went on to telll me how she called her daughter to “tell her off” because she didn’t come to a family gathering the previous weekend. The woman explained how she waited three days (It was a Wednesday) and still hadn’t heard from her daughter so she called her. Her first words were, “I was checking to see you were dead.” That was the high point of the conversation. The woman complained that her daughter disconnected the phone conversation. She believes her daughter has blocked her calls since all her attempts at calling go straight to messages.

Yes, the woman was upset. If she, however, let the incident slide and assumed her daughter had something more important to do their relationship wouldn’t be fractured. When we’re hurt by people close to us the hurt lingers. The same is true for those close to us who feel our warrh. Let it slide.

Reader Question:

Have you ever reacted too quickly and wished you had waited before speaking? How might suspending judgment have changed the outcome?

Listen Deeply: How Empathy Can Turn Conflict into Connection

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What if the most powerful thing you could do in a disagreement is simply listen—with heart and patience?

When disagreements arise, the first instinct for many is to defend, justify, or counter. But research shows that listening with empathy—truly hearing someone else’s feelings, fears, and needs—can transform conflict into connection. Empathy allows you to understand the other person’s internal experience, reduce defensiveness, and build mutual trust.

A gold standard source: Nonviolent Communication (NVC), developed by Marshall Rosenberg, emphasizes that empathetic listening improves interpersonal relationships by helping people feel understood and respected. Studies show that NVC usage increases empathy and lowers hostility in conflict situations.  

Work on emotional intelligence (EI) finds that people with higher EI are better at conflict management and experience greater relationship satisfaction. They’re more able to listen, regulate their own emotional response, and see the other person’s point of view.  

Listening with empathy doesn’t mean agreeing with everything or denying your feelings—it means setting aside judgment, allowing space for the other’s experience, and validating their personhood.

Practical Step Now:

The next time someone expresses disagreement with you, pause. Before responding, ask a clarifying question like: “Can you tell me more about how you feel or what led you to see it that way?” Then simply reflect back what you heard (“It sounds like…”) without adding judgment.

The Ferry, the Train, and the Fight That Didn’t Need to Happen

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It wasn’t really about the ferry or the train—it was about the need to be right. When we dig in, what do we lose besides the view?

I was chatting with a gym buddy today. The conversation worked its way around to a trip he and his wife are planning to take to Italy. The problem he’s dealing with is that he and his wife can’t agree on how l to get to Naples from Salerno. His wife says the best way is by ferry from Salerno to Naples. My buddy says, the ferry ride is too long. The train will get there much quicker. The two of them are stuck in their positions. One on the ferry and the other on a train. They can’t agree on what to do. Now the trip is questionable. I didn’t say it, but one thought danced in my mind: Does it really matter? What does either party have to lose by acquiescing to the other party? So many relationship problems happen because one or both parties get stuck in a fixed position. A good question to ask oneself before becoming stuck: Does it really matter?

Points to Ponder:

  • How often do we defend a position simply because it’s ours?
  • Would surrendering this decision build trust instead of resentment?
  • What’s more important: being right, or being at peace with someone you love?
  • Can a small compromise unlock a greater joy?
  • When you ask yourself, “Does it really matter?”—what truth bubbles up?

When Doing Nothing Is the Smartest Move You Can Make

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In a world that pressures us to act fast, sometimes the wisest course is a pause. Before you charge in, consider the power of not deciding—yet.

Sometimes the best decision to make is not to make a decision. I think this is especially true when we are trying to decide whether or not to interact with someone and we know our interaction will potentially create a stressful situation. The first question to ask ourselves is, “Is this something that I need to do now? if it’s not, delay the conversation you intended to have. Our emotions frequently get in the way. When our emotions get in the way, we can sometimes charge into a conversation with a full head of steam and later regret what occurred. Sometimes these issues, resolve themselves. I found that to be the case many times. Not all decisions have to be made the instant we think they have to be made. Not all issues need to be confronted the instant we think they need to be confronted. Wherever it possible, take the time to let emotion cool down, rational thought to take precedence, and creative energy focused on constructive ways to work through the issue.

💡 Points to Ponder:

  1. What conversation are you dreading that might benefit from waiting?
  2. Could the issue you’re worried about resolve on its own with time?
  3. How might a cooler head and a creative spirit lead to a better outcome than immediate confrontation?

Anger Hurts Relationships—And Your Soul

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You think you’re just blowing off steam. But anger has a way of burning bridges—and burning you out.

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Anger expressed through sarcasm, blame, or emotional withdrawal can severely harm relationships and increase loneliness. According to the American Psychological Association, unregulated anger is a leading cause of conflict and relationship breakdowns, contributing to emotional isolation and even depression. Holding onto anger fosters resentment and corrodes empathy.

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Try nonviolent communication (NVC), a four-step method (observation, feeling, need, request) that helps you express anger without blame. Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” you could say, “When I feel unheard, I get frustrated. I need to feel respected. Can we talk about this calmly?”

Focus Keyphrase: anger and relationships

Slug: anger-relationship-damage

Meta Description: Unchecked anger hurts your relationships and your well-being. Learn how to express anger constructively with nonviolent communication.

Tags: relationships, communication, emotional intelligence, conflict resolution, anger expression

Who Invited the Drama Llama? Spot the Impostor in the Emotional Intelligence Lineup

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Emotional intelligence is what separates the zen masters from the meltdown specialists. But one of these choices just wandered into the room like it was auditioning for a reality show. Can you sniff out the trait that doesn’t belong on Team EQ?

QUIZ START

Healthy Tips: Traits of Healthy Personalities

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For the next 5 days I will post a trait of a healthy personality. A healthy personality is often characterized by traits that promote well-being, resilience, and meaningful relationships.

Today’s trait of a healthy personality: Self-Awareness & Emotional Intelligence – Example: A person who recognizes when they are feeling overwhelmed and takes steps to manage stress rather than lashing out at others.

Key points:

  1. Understanding your emotions and how they influence your thoughts and behavior.
  2. Being aware of strengths and weaknesses without excessive self-criticism or denial.

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