Joy by Carl Sandburg
Let a joy keep you.
Reach out your hands
And take it when it runs by,
As the Apache dancer
Clutches his woman.
I have seen them
Live long and laugh loud,
Sent on singing, singing,
Smashed to the heart
Under the ribs
With a terrible love.
Joy always,
Joy everywhere–
Let joy kill you!
Keep away from the little deaths.
laugh
My Plate’s Full Tonight
Farlo glanced at Joey G channeling Clint Eastwood. Tina still sat in the hub of the garbage truck gnawing on rib bones. Farlo looked over to the three stooges and started laughing. It wasn’t a fake laugh. It was one of those deep belly laughs, the kind that once they start you can’t stop. He bent over, placed his hands on his knees and was taking in huge gulps of air. Tears were streaming down his face.
The taller of the two tough dudes said, “What’s so funny, old dude?”
Farlo looked up at the taller of the two tough dudes, “Your fly’s open.”
The taller of the tough two dudes reached down and felt for his zipper. He quickly zipped up his fly. “Thanks, man. I got an image on the street. If I want to collect protection money and sell drugs, I can’t do it with my fly down. Hey, what are you laughing at?” The taller of the tough two dudes whacked the smaller of the tough two dudes on the arm.
“Pick on someone your own size. That hurt,” said the smaller of the tough two dudes.
The tough dame looked at Farlo, “You are one cool dude. What are you doing tonight? There’s a place I like, it’s called O’Rourke’s. Want to meet up after you rescue Harry J?”
Farlo said, “Nothing I’d like better tough dame, but I got my plate full tonight. Joey G has an opening at ten.”
Joey G waved at the tough dame.
The tough dame said, “He’s not cool like you, but he’s kind of cute. Okay Clint, see you at ten. Harry J is in room 110. He’s waiting for you. BTW, tell Filo we’re repaying all the collection money. It was our cover while we waited for you.”
Joey G said, “You guys weren’t selling drugs?”
“Only idiots use that stuff. What do you take us for? We was only passing out packets of vitamin C before flu season set in,” said the smaller of the two tough guys.
“You’re not the Manchurian mob?” asked Joey G.
“Manchurian mob? You reading comic books or watching cable? We work for Filo,” said the taller of the two tough guys.
“Nice seeing you again, Farlo,” they said in unison. The taller and shorter tough guys fist bumped Farlo, turned and followed the tough dame back into the building.
Tomorrow, Farlo and Joey G finally catch sight of Harry J. What’s gives? Will we meet Filo?
Simple Tips To A Happier Life
Sometimes I make it too complicated. Does it sound familiar? In my most lucid moments, it’s all so simple. Love the person in front of me. Cherish the present moment. Be grateful. Connect with family, friends, and neighbors. Enjoy each moment. Laugh a lot. Don’t be afraid to cry. Always show up when a friend needs me. Enjoy the brief Vimeo video that offers simple tips that will help you enjoy life a lot more. It will only cost you about 3 minutes.
Paper Fortress: 2009 – 2011 Reflection from Stebs! on Vimeo.
What Comes Around Goes Around
“Why are you pacing back and forth, looking out the window, and checking your iPhone?” I asked La Flor.
She stopped pacing, turned and glared at me with her arms akimbo, and said, “I’m pacing for my cardio work. I’m looking out the window because I’m on neighborhood watch, and I’m checking my iPhone to make sure there is no fake news about me.”
“You expect me to believe that story?” I asked.
“Why not? You fall for everything else I say,” she said and went to the window and looked down the street.
“What are you worried about?” I asked.
“Can you tell? I thought I was hiding it so well,” La Flor said.
“It was a wild guess. Are you worried about Little Carmen? What’s he up to?”
“Why would I be worried about LC? He’d never do anything wrong. He’d never do anything illegal. He’d never have to make bail. Oh Ray, LC’s with Lil Carlo.”
“I warned you. I told you not to get mixed up with Big Carmen and Lil Carlo. You wouldn’t listen to me.”
“Go back and rewrite everything. You’re the one writing the blog. Fix it. Make LC a College president who always sucks up to me. All you have to do is change a sentence her, a paragraph there, and title now and then and hit update. How hard is that? You’re my friend right?”
“I’m your friend, but …”
The door, my wall, the handyman bills are going to keep piling up.
“I’m home beautiful, tough, and edgy one. I gots some surprises for use,” said Little Carmen wearing a black stocking hat, gloves, and black T.
“Ray, push the pause on that last request until I check out the surprises,” said La Flor. She turned to Little Carmen and said, “Come over here you fine male specimen, what did you bring your beautiful, tough, and edgy woman?”
“After I helped out Big Carmen, me and Lil Carlo picks up a few things on the way out.”
The way out of where? What did Big Carmen have him doing? I may as well get it over with. “Little Carmen, what did you and Lil Carlo do tonight?”
“It was an easy squeezy job Ray-mo. Big Carmen was running low on crushed tomatoes, wine, and imported anchovies, imported meats, and the most expensive cheeses money can buy. We gots them for him. And, when we were finished, I stopped by an old acquaintance’s house and got a few gifts of which I am going to show my beautiful, tough, and edgy one.”
My heart started pounding. I have visions of being raided. I’m watching Little Carmen hand La Flor a string of small pearls and matching earrings.
“Ray, how do they look? You never got me pearls. LC is so thoughtful, kind, and masculine,” said La Flor before she threw herself into Little Carmen’s arms and kissed him.
I walked out the room and let them have their space. I turned on my computer. Out of habit I checked the local news.
Chef Vigeli’s Culinary School Hit By Thieves.
In a related story, world renowned Chef Leo Vigeli’s house was hit by burglars who took an undetermined amount of jewelry. Chef Vigeli says it’s probably a culinary school prank and won’t file a police report.
“Huh?”
Catch & Release
“La Flor, do you think it’s wise for you to mentor Carmela? One of you is about all the alt ego world can handle,” I said.
“Ray, if all the people in the world were like me, the world would be a better place. I’m doing my part to make that happen. Do you think I’ll win a Noble Prize (yes, she said Noble instead of Nobel – I’m only writing what I hear).
“I’m sure it is Nobel not Noble. You know the difference, right?”
“Of course I know the difference. Nobel means no bells. Noble is the thing I should win,” said an adamant La Flor.
“Looks like you got it figured out,” I said.
“Move over, Ray, my protege is here.”
“A minny me? I asked.
“No, she is not a minny you. You don’t have the right stuff that Carmela is looking for, Ray,” said La Flor.
“What is the right stuff? I thought I was pretty good,” I said.
“Three words, Ray. And, you don’t qualify.”‘
“I hear an inner voice repeating them to me,” I said.
“Let me help your inner voice. Beautiful, tough, edgy. They’re so far removed from you, you can’t see them with the Bubble telescope.”
“Do you mean Hubble?” I said.
“Don’t change the subject,” she said. Then added, “Girlfriend come over. I’ve straightened Ray out.”
“Hey, my posture’s good. I don’t need a chiropractor,” I said.
“Oh La Flor, you are the master. You weren’t even breathing hard when you put Ray in his place.”
“You are so smart but not as smart as me, Carmela. Now, I want you to flirt with TT, then let him down.”
I stepped in. TT never hurt anyone. Let’s not play with his emotions,” I said.
“Ray, beautiful, tough, and edgy rules, it’s called catch and release.”
“Just like the fishing places?” I said.
Exactly.
You Call This Mentoring?
La Flor and Carmela sit on the deck overlooking the large pool and tennis court at Big Carmen’s 6000 square foot home. Big Carmen can’t swim or play tennis, but the guy who donated the home to him did. A bottle of white wine is on the table between La Flor and Carmela. Their glasses partially filled.
“I’m the luckiest girl in the world to have you as my mentor La Flor. I want to be just like you.”
“We’ll have to work on your makeup, clothes, voice, walk, diet, and attitude. In short, Carmela, you need a total makeover and your mentor is going to point the way,” said La Flor.
Little Carmen lays in a lounge chair off to the side. He perks up when he hears La Flor’s voice. La Flor’s voice. He called over, “Who’s mental? Use guys needs some help?”
La Flor glanced at him, then bent closer to Carmela, “Lesson one, sometimes you have to overlook certain weakness because he’s just so handsome.” Then she sat back and looked at Little Carmen, “We’re okay, play with your iPad.”
“I’m hear (that’s what he said) if use needs me.”
Carmela gets out of her seat, goes around the table and hugs La Flor. Tears are streaming down her face, “You are so kind, so generous, so everything good, and can I add so wise with men.”
“I know. I know. Now let go of me. I don’t want your mascara ending up on my shirt. I spent an hour getting my makeup right. I hope you didn’t smudge it with the hug. Ask permission next time before you hug me. I usually take hugs by appointment. Not on weekends or Tuesdays, they are my rest days,” said La Flor.
“I’m sorry,” said Carmela.
“Since it’s your first day being mentored, I’ll let it slide,” said La Flor.
“Can I hug you again, you are the kindest person I know,” said Carmela.
“No, it’s Tuesday. But, you can tell all your friends on social media how good I am to you. Pay attention to what I do now,” said La Flor.
“Should I take notes?” said Carmela.
“Good idea because I give pop quizzes.”
Carmela takes out her iPhone, presses the Notes app and waits for La Flor.
“LC. LC.”
“Yes, beautiful, tough, and edgy mentor,” said Little Carmen.
“Nothing. I wanted to make sure you’re paying attention to cater to my every whim.”
“Like cheese on sauce, red on tomatoes, green on oregano, pepperoni on Camen’s Pizzeria Saturday night special for five ninety-one and free delivery.”
“Tomorrow we’ll kick it up a notch.”
“I can’t wait.”
Don’t Confuse the Confused
“We done here? I need a vacation, I’m burned out,” said La Flor.
“Use takes all the times use needs to refurnish your membranes. Use were awesome beautiful, tough, and edgy whatever. After the first ad ran I couldn’t make pizza fast enough. It’s a good ting Tony Caruso owes me a fav an he shut down his pizzeria for the night to help me out,” said Big Carmen. He added, “I gots one fav to ask? Well, come to tink of it, that is unless a third percolates in my memory.”
I’m sure Little Carmen was home schooled seeing how he speaks perfect Big Carmen English.
“I’ll do it if it’s not too much trouble. It’s hard being a working girl. Now I understand how the big time models who are not as beautiful as me, or as nice as me, or as intelligent as me look like they need a Frappuccino,” said La Flor.
“Dis is my foist fav.”
“Yes, what’s the second fav?” asked La Flor.fav?”
“What’d she say?” asked Big Carmen to no one and everyone.
“Yes,” said Little Carmen.
“I’m talking about the second part, not the first part. Don’t go confusing the confused,” said Big Carmen.
TT waved his arm, “What’s use want pinky pole?”
TT’s brain was working overtime trying to process pinky pole. TT knew he wasn’t Polish so Big Carmen couldn’t have meant Pol. What other kinds of pol could there be, maybe a politician? Yet, he wasn’t a politician. He looked around the room for something pink, something pol. He came up empty.
“What chu looking for? No body gonna come and pulls your skinny butt out of the pizza oven,” said Big Carmen.
“The beautiful, tough, edgy and burned out super model said yes,” said Little Carmen.
“Use is repeating the repeated, LL. Use don’t has the second part, which is more important than the first part. Now, I’m gonna ask my second fav,” said Big Carmen.
“I want’s use to meets my godchild by my friend Mario who owes me many favs and he just added a big one because he hasn’t done a fav for me,” said Big Carmen.
“Why do I get all the hard stuff?” bemoaned La Flor.
“This leads me to the turd fav,” said Big Carmen (yes, he said turd).
“What is the turd fav? You know you owe me big time for doing turd favs for you?”
La Flor is the master of the suck up as well as the master of many other wonderful gifts as as well.
“I know I owes use, beautiful, tough, edgy and I owes use a big fav,” said Big Carmen.
“As long as we got it straight, you handsome beyond all measures father of LC,” said La Flor.
“Big Bro, she’s got a way with the words. They spell binds me,” said Lil Carlo.
“Use is righteous, Lil Carlo. La Flor’s I wants use to mentor my godchild, Carmela. She’s waiting in the tomato sauce pantry. Use can tell she was named after some big shot.”
“Oh kay,” La Flor drew out the ‘Oh’ for five seconds and clanged the symbols on ‘kay.”
“What’s Pinky pole doing with his arm in the air?” asked Lil Carlo.
“I dunno. I tinks he gots to go number one or number two or number three, which is what I don’t want to know,” said Big Carmen.
“Hold it Pinky,” said Lil Carlo.
“Hey Carmela, get use selfie out here to meets use mentor,” hollered Big Carmen.
A smaller, younger, but not too much younger splitting image of La Flor walked out of the tomato pantry. She saw La Flor. She stopped. She gasped. She threw her hands over her heart, “Oh, La Flor. You are the most admired woman in the world. I want to be just like you. I try to look and dress like you, but no one can capture you exactly,” said Carmela.
“Come on over, girlfriend. Let’s go out for some wine and girl talk,” said La Flor.
“Can I come?” asked Little Carmen.
“LC, you drive. Wait in the car. Don’t bother us.”
“Okay.”
Use My Good Side
“How many times do I have to tell you LC, take the photos and video from my good side,” La Flor barking orders like a Marine drill sergeant.
(Note: after La Flor’s complaints about not getting top billing in dialogue I had no choice but to start today’s blog with her).
“But beautiful, tough, edgy and sexy and spicy model for Carmen’s Pizzeria use only has good sides,” pleaded Little Carmen.
“That’s true. A little English 101, LC, good, better, best. Comprehende? Only use my best sides. Good is not good enough and better is for losers,” La Flor fired at Little Carmen.
Off to the side, Big Carmen and Lil Carlo kibitz, “This is what I likes about the beautiful, tough, edgy and more popular than my pepperoni special on Super Bowl Sunday.”
“Big Bro, do use has to toss the salad for your establishment every time use mentions her,” said Lil Carlo.
“What I tell you about the cliches? Enough already. I forgot to mention the pepperoni pizza comes with extra cheese and is seven sixty-three today only.”
“Cut the chatter, LC can’t concentrate,” barked La Flor while checking herself out in the mirror.
“That’s because use is showing too much cleavage, which to me is not a bad thing,” said Big Carmen.
“The kid can’t handle it, Big Bro. She gots him wrapped around her little toe.”
“I agrees with that. Maybe I gots to find a substitute to handle the photos and video. What chu tinks?” said Big Carmen.
“What about the skinny red pencil with the comb over and eye twitch?” suggested twitch?” suggested
TT was standing next to LC holding a poster board that read, “If you want to be beautiful and nice as me, you’ll love Carmen’s Pizza.”
“LC, LC, LC zoom in on my face, por favor,” shrieked La Flor.
“I, keep forgetting too beautiful, tough, and edgy super model,” apologized Little Carmen.
“We gonna take a break and make some changes. Tings are not going as well as I tinks they should be going if use know what I means,” said Big Carmen.
“I know what you mean,” said TT trying his best to suck up to Big Carmen.Carmen.trying his best to suck up to Big Carmen.
“What was not going right?” demanded La Flor.
“Use was perfect, beautiful, tough, edgy and no one better cross your path super model. I was speaking about the photographer and I am going to make a switch.”
“What photographer?” said Little Carmen.
“The only one we got,” answered Big Carmen.
“I take great photos, can I take his place? Let me show you my work I did today,” said Little Carmen. He holds up his iPhone to Big Carmen.
“Dis is a family blog, delete those photos.”Dis is a family blog, delete those photos.”
“But Big Carmen, they’re all of the beautiful, tough, and edgy, brighter than the brightest star woman?”
“Delete or use knows what’s gonna happen.”
“Darn it.”
“Use is regulated to holding the poster board and TT gonna take use place. Gives him the iPhone.”
“My new, nobody in the world but me has one, iPhone? No. Please, No,” pleaded Little Carmen.
“That’s the one. Go get your Android.”
“Not my Android.”
“It’s all about me, remember,” shouted La Flor.
“Opps,” Big Carmen, Little Carmen, and TT said. Lil Carlo didn’t say anything, He was studying the horses for the fifth race at Pimlico.
Will the photo shoot ever end? Will Little Carmen get his new iPhone back? Will Lil Carlo pick a winner? Will La Flor ever be happy with any photo or video? So many questions. Did I mention Big Carmen’s sister Carmela?
You’re So Jealous of My Success
Six of us stand at various places in Carmen’s Pizzeria. La Flor, sporting way too much cleavage; Little Carmen appears to be a kid with an unlimited account to iTunes. I can’t tell if TT is blushing or if the hives are lingering. Then there’s Big Carmen and Carlo. Who’s Carlo? Read on. I’m a bit confused. Am I real, or, am I an alt ego? I’m walking a very thin tightrope between sanity and whatever else exists.
“What do use thinks of the beautiful, tough, and edgy model I gots to be the image for Carmen’s Pizzeria?” Carmen speaking to Carlo.
“Big bro, use thinks she digs older men?” said Carlo. Carlo’s nose has the shape of a large deli dill pickle.
“Listen up Lil Carlo, I gonna tell use the facts of life. I know’s use flips your lid. Nobody can holds a candle to her. And, if I mays use another overused cliche, I don’t want use acting like the green eyed monster. My baby, Little Carmen is enumerated wit her.”
Sometimes the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree (Another cliche? Is he losing his mind? Is this the best he can do?).
All five feet two inches of Lil Carlo looks up at Big Carmen, who is not as big a Little Carmen, but earned the title of Big Carmen because his five feet five inches is three inches taller than his older brother, Carlo, who by nature’s design has to physically look up to Big Carmen (You’ll be tested at the end on this, make notes).
“Now, that Ray is through writing some filler, use gots to know that Little Carmen’s gagaroni overs her.”
“Can we start Big Carmen. Did I forget to mention I know where LC gets his good looks?” said La Flor.
“Use got the good eyes, beautiful, tough, edgy and who’s gonna put Carmen’s Pizzeria all over the maps.”
Lil Carmen speaks, “I sees whats use means. She’s gots what chu call star powers. She’s one of a kind. Use hit paydirt wit her …”
Lil Carlo is interrupted by Big Carmen, “Enough with the cliches. I tinks we used up the quota.”
“How about me standing on top of the counter and you behind it, Big Carmen making a pizza for the first shot? I’ll say, ‘Big Carmen delivers.’ I made it up all by myself,” said La Flor.
“The kid’s …” Carlo’s interrupted by Big Carmen.
“A natural. A genius. A miracle. One in ten million. Use wants me to keep going?”
“I get the picture, Big Bro.”
Big Carmen takes a step toward La Flor. He concentrates to stare at her eyes. A difficult task for any male member of Carmen’s lineage. He said, “I never thought of something so profounding, use is gonna take this town like a tornadacane. For those who don’t know whats I mean, that’s a combo, like my pizza special for tonight, between a tornado and hurricane.”
“I got it all Big Carmen. We can put this one on Cable and on TV and on the Internetting and on Dishes,” said Little Carmen.
“LC, don’t you dare until I approve it. Besides, we haven’t really started. I’ve got a lot more poses for you. How about this pose,” said La Flor.
Big Carmen coos, “Use is making my blood rush to my head with that one, beautiful, tough, edgy and sexy model for Carmen’s Pizzeria.”
“And, this one?” said La Flor.
“Stop shooting. Lil Carlo passed out,” screamed TT.
Big Carmen started laughing, “You’re too much for him beautiful, tough, edgy and hotter than my extra spicy with three toppings large pizza for eight-ninety-six.”
TT hovers over Lil Carlo. He’s rubbing ice on Carlo’s face. TT looks at Big Carmen, “Do you think we should call 911?”
“No,” shouted Big Carmen. Then he added, “The cops raided me last week, but they didn’t find nothing. Use a cop or something?”
TT’s almost cleared up case of the hives is now in midseason form. He held Carlo’s hand and stared at him, “You’ll be okay. You’ll be okay.”
Carlo opened his left eye, he stammered, “What the hell you holding my hand for? I not your girlfriend.” He paused for a moment, then screamed, “I tinks I’m going blind. I only gots one eye.”
I said, “TT, gently pull his right eyelid up.”
“I can sees. I can sees. This guy over here, he healed me.”
Big Carmen said, “This calls for celebrity (I think he meant to say celebration). I don’t feel like cooking. We all gonna go to Antonio’s Mexicano Supremo. He owes me a favor or three besides the five thousand dollars with compounding interest. It’ll be one the house. Or, like Antonio says, ‘It’ll be on the castanetoes (I’m sure he meant casa).
The photo shoot isn’t over. It’s interrupted, but not over.
“Wait a minute. Don’t end the blog. Did I get top billing today in the dialogue?” hollered La Flor. She added, “If I didn’t I don’t work until we do a redo.”
“But beautiful, tough, edgy, sexy, hot, and one in a google million zillion, Ray told me to intro Lil Carlo,” a downhearted Big Carmen said.
“I knew you were behind it, Ray. You are so jealous of my success.”
It’ll Be An Oscar Performance
“How did you sleep last night,” I asked La Flor knowing her Carmen’s Pizzeria photo shoot took place today.
“I didn’t. I am so, so, so, excited. It’s my chance at the big time, Ray. The whole enchilada. It’s going to be the Super Bowl of photo shoots,” La Flor acting more like she drank a couple of Red Bulls.
“Did you drink a Red Bull last night?” I asked.
“No. I did not drink a Red Bull last night,” she answered.
“How many, give it up,” I said.
“I stopped counting at six. I had to stay awake to practice posing.”
“In front of the mirror?” I asked.
“No. I made LC and TT watch me. Every time I drank a Red Bull I made them drink one too,” she said.
“Where are they? They’re usually closer than your shadow. The Red Bulls didn’t bother TT’s caffeine intolerance,” I said.
“Minor problem. LC had to take TT to the ER. For some unexplained reason he broke out in hives, and his pulse rate was over 200. Good thing LC watches reruns of ER so he knows what to do,” said La Flor.
“You made him drink Red Bull with his intolerance?”
“Not me, I asked LC to make him drink them. Not to worry. They pumped out his stomach. His color returned from a flaming red to a gorgeous deep pink. I’m changing the subject to something more important.”
“What’s more important than TT’s health?”
“My photo shoot, silly,” said La Flor. She added, “The boys will meet us at the pizzeria after the stomach pumping. LC is taking the photo’s and TT is going to hold up cards with my lines.”
“LC is taking the photo’s.”
“Everything is working out perfectly. He has the new iPhone. You know the special secret one that’s coming out in the fall.”
“Can LC take good photos? How did he get the new iPhone? Who’s writing the script for TT to hold?” My heads going around faster than a tilt-a-whirl.
“Are you on Instagram? Check out the photo’s LC posted of me? I have zillions of likes. Next question. Big Carmen has a friend who owes him a favor. This friend has a friend who owes him a favor. You keep going down the chain and Big Carmen delivers. I think that’s a good line for a commercial. What do you think?”
“I got to give it to you, La Flor. Big Carmen delivers is a great line. Now about the script.”
“I am so lucky, lucky, lucky everything turns out right for me. I told LC to write the script for the photo shoot while TT was having his stomach pumped out. LC has a way with words if you haven’t noticed.”
“Oh, I’ve noticed,” I said.
“How do you plan to dress for the photo shoot?”
“I discussed that with Big Carmen,” said La Flor.
“First of all, he wants me to be myself.”
“Beautiful, tough, and edgy?”
“That goes without saying. He suggested I show enough cleavage to get guys to watch the ad, but not enough to make the mom’s demand the channel be changed. I’m also going to wear a short, tight, black leather skirt, and stilettos. It’ll be an Oscar performance.”
“An Oscar for your role in an ad for Carmen’s Pizzeria?”
“Yes. But keep it secret. You know how rumors spread around the alt ego circus.”
“We’s home beautiful, tough, and edgy next Oscar winner.”
“TT, you look worse than a corpse. What happened?” said La Flor.
“TT’s lobotomy is in a slight delay. It’s like his plane is circling the airport and can’t land, if use know what I mean,” said Little Carmen.
A blank look crossed La Flor’s face.
I said, “Did they sedate him?”
“No. I did. I gave him a couple of knockout drops because he was too hyper. He’s slowly coming out of it.”
“I’m ready to shoot now. Will TT be ready? He looks like a zombie, which is worse than a corpse,” said La Flor.
“I got’s a solvent to the problem,” said Little Carmen.
“What?” said La Flor.
“Ray-mo can hold the cards. I printed big enough with Crayola crayons so’s use can read them,” said Little Carmen.
I answered, “I’ll do it until TT wakes up. Can I look at the cards?”
“No, use will spoils the sauce with some stuff use think is smarter, but which is not smarter when it comes to selling the sauce, if use knows what I means.”
Come back tomorrow for the photo shoot – I think. Maybe the day after. You know how it is with this gang.
