comedy

8 p.m. I get an SMS from my girlfriend: Me or football?!

11 p.m. I SMS my girlfriend: You of course.

Source

Q: Why do so few men end up in Heaven?

A: They never stop to ask directions

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”

Source

Of course I should clean my windows.

But privacy is important too.

Source

“I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.”

Source

What do you call the soft tissue between a shark’s teeth?

The slow swimmer.

Source

Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher?

There was no chemistry.

Source

Police officer: Can you identify yourself, sir?

Driver pulls out his mirror and says: Yes, it’s me.

Source

Mom: “Jeffrey, do you think I’m a bad mother?”

Son: “Mom, my name is Tom.”