The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Have you had tough times? Dumb question, right? We’ve all had our share of tough times. No one is a stranger to life’s storms. We’ve all had moments when our world turned dark, leaving us wondering if the sun will shine again. Life happens
Life happens in ways we don’t understand. The only fair thing about life is that it is unfair, unpredictable, and uncertain.
I believe, in spite of life’s unfairness, unpredictability, and uncertainty, you and I are here for a purpose. I believe our purpose involves other people. It doesn’t take keen insight to know we all need compassion. We all need to feel loved. We all need to feel needed. I know I find my happiness not in things but through my relationships with other people. I find a deep sense of joy when those I love succeed. I feel a deep sense gratitude when I make a difference in someone else’s life.
I’ve come to understand, any happiness I find occurs when I move from ME to We.
Abandon the past Throw away the baggage Suffer no more. avast(stop now)
Breakaway from the chains and shackles Which from you, your life, take away; Breathe again; this time without constraint And the dreams in your eyes Realize;
Forget fear. Forget the barriers and the walls Even the greatest of mountains on your feet will fall When you with self-trust stand tall.
Walk away from those who try to cheat on your soul. Don’t stall. Remember the wisdom of those wiremen The universal law will square all.
Dream and don’t give up And if they don’t shape up Try. try once more. Don’t breakup.
For the race of life Is won, not, by the fastest or the strongest But, by the one who can give his all……….
I want to report life is easy – I can’t.
I want to report you and I will easily climb the next mountain – I can’t.
I want to report suffering will not ever again knock at your door or mine – I can’t.
I can report that you and I are strong.
We have an inner guide and an abundance of strength to take over the next mountain and the mountain after that, and whatever mountains await us.
I can report that suffering will not have the last word. You and I will not let it.
We are a strong, hope-filled people and we know if we join hands, lift our hearts and minds to a loving God, it’s all going to turn out right.
“The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure.”– Joseph Campbell
Life is an adventure. Today quickly becomes yesterday. Tomorrow rushes toward us. Would have, could have, and should haveare excuses of no use to us. Our adventure constantly tests us. It asks you and me if weare up to livingthis wonderful gift called life. When we say yes to the great adventure. We have no idea if love will knock on our door. We hope it does. We have no idea as to the number of our days, we hope they willbe many. We have no idea what challenges the next moment will bring, we hope we can master them and move on.
The adventure never stops. Oh, sometimes it rewards us with an oasis where we rest and renew our strength. We’re not allowed to stay there. Ready or not, our adventure rouses us from our slumber and tosses out of the oasis into a new challenge.
You are strong. I am strong. Don’t back away from the adventure. Life would not call you to face it if it did not think you had the “stuff” to handle it.
“When you are going through hell, keep going” ― Winston Churchill
“The sea is not less beautiful in our eyes because we know that sometimes ships are wrecked by it.” ― Simone Weil
I enjoy walking barefoot on the seashore. There is something soothing, peaceful about the rhythm of the ocean’s waves. The seagulls and sandpipers dance above and in front of me. I look out over the great expanse of the ocean and marvel at this beautiful, awesome planet I live on. I see the beauty of it. I don’t snap photos with my iPhone. The photos will never do justice to the emotions I feel as I enjoy the scene. I know, at the same time, this peaceful place can turn its back on me and swamp me with high, crashing waves. I’ve seen the videos of the destruction and damage it can cause when its power is unleashed. We have not yet learned how to tame the oceans. It laughs at our puny efforts. All we can do is wait out the fury, knowing it will once again return to its peaceful place. And we can once again walk on its shores enjoying its beauty.
We have not yet learned how to tame the oceans. It laughs at our puny efforts. All we can do is wait out the fury, knowing it will once again return to its peaceful place. And we can once again walk on its shores enjoying its beauty.
It’s the same way with life. We find ourselves in a peaceful space and want to remain in that place for the rest of our lives. It doesn’t work that way. Life’s storms thrash us and knock us down. We are not defeated nor are we destroyed by life’s storms. We know the storms will end and we once again will find our peaceful space.
This past weekend, one of my daughters and her two girls visited me. Here I am a guy dancing alone, getting into a rhythm of living alone and having my life disrupted. What I eat, when I eat, what I do and when I do it, all disrupted. What a glorious disruption! I wouldn’t trade it.
I played with the girls. We went to the zoo. We went to the pastry counter at HEB’s Central Market. The girls took me out of my game. We all went walking on nature trails. We went out for Tex-Mex. Every moment was joy-filled. I thought often of Babe and how easily she moved out of her game and joined in with whoever was in her presence. I am grateful I followed her example. Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!
It’s a good thing to be taken out of my game. I’ve learned the world doesn’t revolve around my game. I’m on this wonderful planet for the ride. I want to make it a joyful and joy-filled ride. Joy is a shared event. Other people need to be involved. It’s a funny thing, we feed each other’s joy when we are invited into their space.
This week, I will extend an open invitation to all who want to enter my space and share my joy with me. I will also readily accept any RSVP to enter a joy-filled space with another. I think I’ll start passing out the smiles, eye sparkles, and hugs.
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Not a day goes by where life doesn’t teach me a lesson. Most days I’m too busy to listen to what life is trying to teach me. There are times when I have no choice but to listen. Nine months ago life knocked me down. I lay flat on my back. Life towered over me and said, “You’re going to listen to me. You’ve no choice. Whether you take to heart the lesson I’m going to give you is up to you. But you will listen to what I have to say.” Tough words from a tough teacher.
It’s strange how life’s challenges always come down to a choice. I have the freedom to choose. I can choose to hear life’s lesson, learn from it, and grow. Or, I can hear it, refuse to embrace it, and shrivel. It’s always my choice. The ultimate freedom.
Losing someone I deeply loved knocked me flat on my back. I chose not to stay down, but to get up and learn the lessons life is trying to teach this reluctant learner. The words of Saint Francis of Assisi sum up many of life’s lessons for me. It’s my job to live them more fully day by day. Life will continue to teach me each day until my days are over and by that time I hope to have learned and applied all I need to go on to the next part of my journey.
I’m grateful for the storm Made me appreciate the sun I’m grateful for the wrong ones Made me appreciate the right ones I’m grateful for the pain For everything that made me break I’m thankful for all my scars ‘Cause they only make my heart Grateful, grateful, grateful, grateful, grateful, oh Grateful (Written by Diane Eve Warren; Performed by Rita Ora)
Some years ago Babe and I and our five daughters and dog moved to a small western Massachusetts town. I had a new job. Four of the girls were going to new schools, and the youngest, only two years old, stayed at home with Babe while I went to work. The town, Belchertown, is in a picturesque setting near the Quabbin Reservoir, built in the 1930’s. The state appropriated four towns and flooded them to provide water for Boston and 40 other communities. The reservoir is one of the largest man-made reservoirs in the U.S. Soon after moving to Belchertown, I rode my bicycle out to Quabbin. I had no idea it existed at the time. My route, not by design, took me past Quabbin, I turned in, crossed a huge dam and soon began to climb a steep road, a mile long. The view from the dam and climb were breathtaking to me. When I reached the top, I pulled my bicycle into a pullout and stared at the water, huge hills jutting out of the water, and eagles soaring high in the sky. Excitedly, I rode home, packed Babe and the girls in our Volkswagen van and headed back to Quabbin. As months went by, we always enjoyed hiking and berry picking in Quabbin. Yet, the initial excitement and wonder disappeared. We became used to it. I think that is why we need storms in our life to appreciate the sun. I don’t like the pain, nor wish pain for anyone, but the storms turn on a gratitude button within me that I want to make present 24/7.
I appreciate the extraordinary wisdom the songwriter expressed in this song. Her wisdom touched me at a deep place in my human spirit.
I’m thankful for all my scars ‘Cause they only make my heart Grateful, grateful, grateful, grateful, grateful, oh Grateful
I planned ahead for this week when I went shopping over the weekend. I bought red, green, jalapeno, and poblano peppers. The peppers invited two of their BFFs, sweet onions, and mushrooms. So sweet onions went into the shopping cart. As for the mushrooms, I bought the already sliced kind. I want to save my fingers for blogging.
It didn’t take me long to decide on the star for this meal. Do I hear a drumroll? The announcer speaks, “And, here’s shrimp, straight out of a great appearance in the Gulf.” You know my dancing alone, single guy rule, “HEALTHY & EASY.” I bought frozen, already peeled, deveined, and cooked shrimp. I might get three meals out of the bag.
I’m going to make a Stir Fry, shrimp and veggie meal. I’m a visual guy. I see things in my mind’s eye before they become real. In my mind’s eye, my meal looks so good, the Food Channel wants me to compete with Bobby Flay. In my dreams, right? I’ll answer that, right!
Making this meal is easy. It’s healthy. And, it’s fun. I try to put lots of love into my meals. That’s a lesson Babe taught me. She’d say, “Ray, always give thanks for the food, the people who farmed it, those who harvested it, and the people who brought it to the marketplace.” Babe was spot on. I’ll show how I prepared this meal in steps.
Step one: Get the veggies ready for fiesta. I sliced and diced my way through red, green, and poblano peppers. I’m only feeding one guy, so I used a half of each type of pepper. I placed the remainder in baggies for another meal. I sliced and diced a chunk of onion – that’s how a guy measures, in chunks. I poured EVOO over it and tossed the veggies together. I wanted them to get to know each other a bit better before dinner. Let’s call it an icebreaker for veggies.
Step Two – Turn up the heat. I spray my pan with Pam and add a splash of EVOO (guy speak) and turn up the heat to high. I put the glass cover on the pan and wait a minute or two for the popping sound. When I hear it, it’s time for the veggies, They hit the pan with a nice sizzling sound. I cut some fresh from the garden basil and rosemary and add it to the mix, put the top back on and watch ESPN for a few minutes. Every once in a while I have to go to work and turn the mix over. In the meantime, I take the shrimp out of the freezer. I think fifteen is a nice number, no, I’m not preparing food for a Quinceañera (note the number 15). My friends tell me my sense of humor is a little out of step. I pop the shrimp in the microwave for one minute to mostly thaw. Then, I toss (I was going to say dump, but I’m watching my guy speak language) the shrimp in with the veggies. I grab my iced tea take a long sip, check out ESPN again. I flip the combo around like they’re doing the salsa on a Friday night and I’m ready for the next step.
Step Three – Adding the money – Well, not actually money, but the green stuff, which is money because it is so good for your health – I add spinach and chopped kale. I don’t add them until the veggie’s and shrimp are nearly done. Here’s the deal with spinach and kale. They cook quickly.
Spinach Added
Kale Added
I made myself a healthy meal. It was fun to cook, great to eat, and it was easy (good thing I’m buddies with the dishwasher). Check it out:
“A single sunbeam is enough to drive away many shadows.” ―Saint Francis of Assisi
Grieving has taught me to look outward, to search for the light, and to walk in hope. Turning inward is natural when one suffers a great loss. I felt angry, bitter, and constantly asked, “Why?” I discovered there are now answers to why. Life’s sense of fair play is to be unfair to all. It happens.
I also learned that living in darkness offers no hope, no way out, and becomes a self-imposed prison. The warden of the prison is me, and I hold the key to open the door and walk into freedom.
It takes courage to take the key, insert it into the door, and walk out of the darkness. Once out of the darkness, the light warms, It heals. It renews. It restores.
Let the light drive away your shadows. Be the light for others.
“The heart is the place where we live our passions. It is frail and easily broken, but wonderfully resilient. There is no point in trying to deceive the heart. It depends upon our honesty for its survival.” ~ Leo F. Buscaglia
Babe’s death didn’t break my heart, it shattered it into a thousand pieces. At first, I thought my heart would never heal. Then, I don’t know when it happened, but it happened. I stopped looking inward and turned my attention outward toward other people. Toward creation. A desire arose within me to be a friend to everyone and every creature I met. I wanted to make each person I met have a better day because I interacted with them. It started slowly, like a gentle spring rain. A sprinkle or two of love returned to me. I didn’t pay much attention at first. Then the sprinkle turned into a gentle rain and love began to flow to me non-stop from unexpected and surprising sources. It happens wherever I travel, with whomever I meet. Someone told me it is happening because it is my expectation. I think a bit differently. I think it is happening because God’s grace turned me inside out and turned my attention away from me to others.
Love is healing my shattered heart. My heart will be stronger, more loving, more compassionate than ever before. Love heals. Love restores. Love renews. I’m grateful I didn’t hide until love found me. Love was waiting for me to answer its call. When I turned my vision toward others, love welcomed me with arms wide open.