resilience

Making it Through the Tough Times

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What you are thinking, what shape your mind is in, is what makes the biggest difference of all.  ~ Willie Mays

You and I experience tough times. You and I have the stuff to make it through tough times. We were created with an inner toughness to get up after being knocked down.

Tough times don’t keep tough people down for long. They get up, shake the dust, and get going again. It’s what they do.  They reach down and find they still have a bit more they give. They don’t save it. They summon it up and give it their all. That’s what they do.

This week. Let’s give it our all.

This week. Let’s stick our face in the wind and bring our best.

This week. Let’s shake the dust, get up, and get going again.

When the weekend comes, we’ll look back together, smile and say, “WE DID IT. WE MADE IT THROUGH. YES WE DID!”

Leap

We Are Strong

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SoulStrong/Breakaway by Siddharth Anand
Abandon the past
Throw away the baggage
Suffer no more. avast(stop now)

Breakaway from the chains and shackles
Which from you, your life, take away;
Breathe again; this time without constraint
And the dreams in your eyes
Realize;

Forget fear. Forget the barriers and the walls
Even the greatest of mountains on your feet will fall
When you with self-trust stand tall.

Walk away from those who try to cheat on your soul. Don’t stall.
Remember the wisdom of those wiremen The universal law will square all.

Dream and don’t give up
And if they don’t shape up
Try. try once more.
Don’t breakup.

For the race of life
Is won, not, by the fastest or the strongest
But, by the one who can give his all……….

I want to report life is easy – I can’t.
I want to report you and I will easily climb the next mountain – I can’t.
I want to report suffering will not ever again knock at your door or mine – I can’t.
I can report that you and I are strong.
We have an inner guide and an abundance of strength to take over the next mountain and the mountain after that, and whatever mountains await us.
I can report that suffering will not have the last word. You and I will not let it.
We are a strong, hope-filled people and we know if we join hands, lift our hearts and minds to a loving God, it’s all going to turn out right.

Fight On – Fight On – Fight On

strength in chaos

You are Phenomenal

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“A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.” – Christopher Reeve

You’re not so ordinary. In fact, you are phenomenal. You are strong. You are resilient. You have an inner mental toughness.

Don’t believe me? Well, think again. And, I promise you will not have to think too hard and you will know that every word I spoke about you is true.

Here is a little exercise for you to do. It’s not hard. It won’t take long. You don’t need anyone but you.

All it takes is three small steps:

  1. Remember a time in your life where you faced a challenge. Perhaps the challenge overwhelmed you at first. But, you stayed with it. You didn’t run away. You didn’t hide. You were successful in overcoming it.
  2. Visualize the challenge. What was the challenge? Who was there? What time of year did it happen? What were you feeling?
  3. Picture in your mind’s eye the events of you triumphing over the challenge. How did you feel when you knew you conquered the challenge? What did it teach you about yourself?

It’s all in your history. Your history is the history of a strong, resilient good man or woman. Don’t ever doubt your capacity to overcome any challenge.

“All the adversity I’ve had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me… You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.” – Walt Disney

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Music Touches The Soul

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Without music life would be a mistake. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

I have always enjoyed music. Music touches the deepest part of my soul. It rouses memories, stirs emotions, and connects me to the deeply spiritual source within me. Music can make me cry and shout for joy. When Babe went into the hospital, I stopped playing music. Making the decision to being to listen to music was difficult for me. It was nearly two months after Babe’s passing before I let music reenter my life. It was a good decision to start to listen to music again.

Yes, some songs still flood my eyes with tears and my soul with emotions. That’s okay. Music is therapeutic for me. It is good medicine. I sing along with the performer (glad no one hears me). I even feel the beat down into my feet again. It is a good feeling.

If, you, like me, are grieving and music stirs your deepest emotions, don’t fear to listen to music. The joys it brings far outweigh anything else. Now, when songs play and remind me of Babe, I am filled with good memories and heartfelt gratitude.

I feel like singing. I think I’ll play some of my favorite tunes.

Couple Walking on Beach

You Are Strong

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“The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure.” – Joseph Campbell

Life is an adventure. Today quickly becomes yesterday. Tomorrow rushes toward us. Would have, could have, and should have are excuses of no use to us. Our adventure constantly tests us. It asks you and me if we are up to living this wonderful gift called life. When we say yes to the great adventure. We have no idea if love will knock on our door. We hope it does. We have no idea as to the number of our days, we hope they will be many. We have no idea what challenges the next moment will bring, we hope we can master them and move on.

The adventure never stops. Oh, sometimes it rewards us with an oasis where we rest and renew our strength. We’re not allowed to stay there. Ready or not, our adventure rouses us from our slumber and tosses out of the oasis into a new challenge.

You are strong. I am strong.  Don’t back away from the adventure. Life would not call you to face it if it did not think you had the “stuff” to handle it.

“When you are going through hell, keep going” ― Winston Churchill

waves rock

A Place Called Home

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“The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” Maya Angelu

A few years back, I was traveling with four of my doctoral students to our research site. One of the doctoral students said, “Dr. Calabrese, where do you call home?” He knew my career took me to several states. Without hesitation, I said, “Home is where I am with my wife, the person I love most.” He didn’t understand. He said, “My home is Kansas. I knew he wouldn’t understand what I meant.

I’ve never thought of home as a house or a location. I’ve always thought of it as a place where I am with the person or people I love most in this world.

“Home isn’t where you’re from, it’s where you find light when all grows dark.” ~ Pierce Brown

In that particular place, whether it is a house, car, restaurant, or coffee shop, I am at peace because I know I am loved as I am. I have to be no other than who I am.

Now, nine months since Babe died, I am recreating a home. My five daughters live out of state and here I am in Texas, alone, but not lonely. Together with my neighbors and new friends, I am recreating a place I will call home.

“I don’t care if we have our house, or a cliff ledge, or a cardboard box. Home is wherever we all are, together,”  James Patterson

I hope you have a place called home.

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We Are Not Defeated

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“The sea is not less beautiful in our eyes because we know that sometimes ships are wrecked by it.” ― Simone Weil

I enjoy walking barefoot on the seashore. There is something soothing, peaceful about the rhythm of the ocean’s waves. The seagulls and sandpipers dance above and in front of me. I look out over the great expanse of the ocean and marvel at this beautiful, awesome planet I live on. I see the beauty of it. I don’t snap photos with my iPhone. The photos will never do justice to the emotions I feel as I enjoy the scene. I know, at the same time, this peaceful place can turn its back on me and swamp me with high, crashing waves. I’ve seen the videos of the destruction and damage it can cause when its power is unleashed. We have not yet learned how to tame the oceans. It laughs at our puny efforts. All we can do is wait out the fury, knowing it will once again return to its peaceful place. And we can once again walk on its shores enjoying its beauty.

We have not yet learned how to tame the oceans. It laughs at our puny efforts. All we can do is wait out the fury, knowing it will once again return to its peaceful place. And we can once again walk on its shores enjoying its beauty.

It’s the same way with life. We find ourselves in a peaceful space and want to remain in that place for the rest of our lives. It doesn’t work that way. Life’s storms thrash us and knock us down. We are not defeated nor are we destroyed by life’s storms. We know the storms will end and we once again will find our peaceful space.

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Drenched in Love

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Where is the door to God?

In the sound of a barking dog,

In the ring of a hammer,

In a drop of rain,

In the face of

Everyone

I see. ~ Hafiz

Those who grieve know grieving is not easy. It’s more like drowning and knowing you have to learn to breathe underwater if you are to survive.

It’s been nine months since Babe died. I am blessed. Each day God’s love drenches me, soaks me through and through. I receive it from the people I exercise with at the Y. I receive it from the checkout clerks at the market. I receive it from the barista at the coffee shops.I receive it from the people I worship with.I receive it from the people I follow on Twitter. I see it in the mockingbirds who sing to me each morning, and the cardinals who sing to me in the evening. It is everywhere, I can’t escape it, nor do I want to escape it. I am no longer sad. Gratitude fills my heart for the life Babe and I shared. It was all grace and gift at the same time. God’s love has taught me how to breathe underwater and I am happy.

I walk into today with arms wide open to receive and share the love heading my way.

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Life Grabs Hold Of Me

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“Those who are wise won’t be busy, and those who are too busy can’t be wise.” ~ Lin Yutang

Life has a way of grabbing hold of me, tossing me in the air, and daring me to land on my feet. I get out of bed, filled with great intentions and goals for the day, then boom, life literally knocks at the door. A neighbor stops by and asks to borrow lawn chairs. I didn’t have time to save my work on the computer, I silently pray there will be no power surge or my Mac decides to freeze. I help my neighbor carry the chairs to his garage. I get back on task, the cell rings.  I see by the caller ID I need to take the call. I hit command s, save my work. I take the call. A friend says, “Can we have coffee in an hour, I need some advice? I push my morning workout to the afternoon. Coffee with my friend takes an hour and a half. I get home in time to make a light lunch. I want my workout. I offer a silent prayer, “Please God, no more interruptions.” Sometimes, I think the angels must laugh and laugh at me. A daughter calls and wants to FaceTime. What’s a dad to do? I happily FaceTime. After our call, I check the time, I can squeeze in a workout. I hurry to Y. Do I hear the angels laughing again? I hit three school zones with the orange lights flashing. I get to the Y.  I hit it hard. On the way out, Jerry, an eighty-something-year-old man calls me over and starts talking. I’ve heard these stories before. I see he needs to talk. I listen as if they are the first time I’ve heard them. This is becoming my typical day.

In the early evening, I sit on the patio and gaze into the sacred space Babe and I created. It is time to pray. I quiet my mind. In a moment of grace, I realize I accomplished none of what I wanted to accomplish, but everything I had to accomplish. Sometimes, you have to let the wind fill your sails and take you where it wants to take you.

I helped a neighbor.

I had coffee with and listened to a friend.

I FaceTimed with my daughters.

I drove safely through the school zones.

I thank God for the grace of letting my business go and embracing His business.

RSVP for a Joy-Filled Place

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This past weekend, one of my daughters and her two girls visited me. Here I am a guy dancing alone, getting into a rhythm of living alone and having my life disrupted. What I eat, when I eat, what I do and when I do it, all disrupted. What a glorious disruption! I wouldn’t trade it.

I played with the girls. We went to the zoo. We went to the pastry counter at HEB’s Central Market. The girls took me out of my game. We all went walking on nature trails. We went out for Tex-Mex. Every moment was joy-filled. I thought often of Babe and how easily she moved out of her game and joined in with whoever was in her presence. I am grateful I followed her example. Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!

It’s a good thing to be taken out of my game. I’ve learned the world doesn’t revolve around my game. I’m on this wonderful planet for the ride. I want to make it a joyful and joy-filled ride. Joy is a shared event. Other people need to be involved. It’s a funny thing, we feed each other’s joy when we are invited into their space.

This week, I will extend an open invitation to all who want to enter my space and share my joy with me. I will also readily accept any RSVP to enter a joy-filled space with another. I think I’ll start passing out the smiles, eye sparkles, and hugs.

Three Cheers for Joy

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