Years ago, I began reading a book by M. Scott Peck and the first sentence was, “Life is difficult.” I called to Babe (my wife) and hollered, “This guy knows what he’s talking about.” Yes, life is tough. We each have moments. The tough times can knock us down. They can knock the wind out of us. They can leave us for dead. But, you and I are strong. We get up again and again. We don’t quit. The following Vimeo video provides a great pep talk on getting up and not quitting for any reason.
I’m Admiring My Hands
“I haven’t seen your main squeeze all day. Did you guys split?” I asked La Flor.
“No, we didn’t split. But we’re not engaged anymore because you made me give the ring back. It was such a beautiful ring. It was so right on my finger and so wrong of you to take it away. I can only guess you don’t understand love,” said La Flor as she texted.
“Who are you texting?” I asked.
“Are you bored? Don’t you have something to do? I know I’m interesting, beautiful, tough, and edgy but I need some space. I was texting LC, if you must know. He’s at Vigeli’s School of Culinary Artists. Today’s his first day. He should be home any minute,” she said.
“I’m impressed. Vigeli’s school is exclusive. He only takes the most promising chef candidates into his classes. How did Little Carmen get in? He doesn’t seem like chef material.”
“The power of persuasion is the way I’d put it,” said La Flor.
“Little Carmen persuaded Chef Vigeli to take him into his classes?”
“No, LC is not in class. He has a better arrangement. Vigeli was persuaded to tutor LC one on one,” said La Flor now unfollowing every woman with what La Flor considered a bad hairdo.
“One on one tutoring? I don’t believe it. Chef Vigeli is a snob. He’s an elitist. He could never handle Little Carmen one on one.”
“He could if Big Carmen persuaded him,” said La Flor.
“Oh,” I said.
Then, the voice from the living room, “I’m home from school, beautiful, tough, and edgy lawyer, model, PI. Did I get them all?” said Little Carmen.
“Come in and give me a hug and kiss, I’m admiring my hands and don’t want to get up,” said La Flor.
Little Carmen bounded in as if he were a dog and the dog’s master said, “Let’s go for a walk.”
Kiss, hug, and squeeze.
“Now, LC. Sit down and tell Ray and me everything you learned at school today,” said La Flor.
I think I heard my mom ask me that same question, years ago.
“It was very thought prefabricating,” said LC. Did he mean provoking?
“How so,” I said.
“Clef Vigeli talked to me for five minutes then said we was going to do advance breakfast meals.”
“Treble or Bass Clef,” I asked.
“I’m not sure what’s his first name is. Reminds me to ask him tomorrow,” said LC. He got up went to the fridge, pulled out a beer. “I’m tursty, anybody else want something. He only got cheap wine, beautiful, tough, and edgy wine colonoscopy.”
I’m sure he mean connoisseur.
“Hurry up and tell Ray what you learned so we can get out of here. I’m getting the heebie-jeebies.”
Little Carmen took a long pull on his beer, hit his chest, and burped.
La Flor made a face. She started breathing through her mouth and fanning herself with her hands, “What is that smell? It’s awful? If you’re going to kiss me, you better brush and gargle.”
“Use smells my first creation, which I hads to eat. Lets me tell use. I would never make it or puts it on a menu. I figured it’s one of those breakfasts the snobbels eat.”
I also caught a whiff of the burp, started breathing through my mouth. I now have a hunch about Little Carmen’s first cooked meal.
Little Carmen sat up proud as a peacock, “Dis is exciting and complicit (I think he meant complicated). First I had to get a flat plate. There’s lots of them. I couldn’t choose one too big or one too small. It had to be just right (Is this a Goldilocks redo?). Then I had to put a piece of bread in the toaster. It seems simple, but it’s worse. Use can’t put it in sideways or upside down. Then I had to make sure the toast was perfectly brown on both sides. This took me six loaves to master. But I learned it. Then I had to spread peanut butter on the toast and give it a little twist at the end. I went through seven jars of peanut butter before I got it right. Vigeli was crying, he must have been so proud of me. Then I had to eat the peanut butter toast. I hates peanut butter almost as much as I hates toast.”
“What’s he going to teach you tomorrow?” I asked.
“I advance to putting jelly on top of the peanut butter.”
“Let’s get out of here. You and I need to talk.”
“Where to, beautiful, tough, and edgy one?”
“The closest wine shop,” said La Flor.
It’s Time: Chase Your Dreams
Tomorrow. Mañana. How many times have each of us put off chasing our dreams until tomorrow? A dream is only a dream until we start to chase it. The chase becomes our story. When we begin the chase, we begin to write a story of courage, hope, and resilience. We write the first line of our story . . . “Today, I decided to chase my dream and follow my destiny.” The short animated Vimeo video gives us a chance to become inspired once again and set out chasing our dream, following our destiny.
Seeing With New Eyes
When we open ourselves to shed our biases, we see with new eyes. What we once saw disappears and we witness a new creation that was always there but impervious to our sight. Our judgments and our notions of how things should be evaporate. Our eyes and hearts open to new ways of seeing. This short Vimeo video will open your eyes to seeing what is familiar to seeing it differently, perhaps for the first time in your life.
La Flor Goes To Court
“You can’t go into court dressed like that,” I said to La Flor.
“Why not? J.Lo dresses like this on the red carpet. And, I look a lot better than she,” said La Flor.
“It’s your show,” I said as I followed La Flor into the courtroom.
The bailiff reached for his angina pills. The district attorney dropped her brief case spilling her files onto the floor. Another bailiff rushed to the railing to open it for La Flor, then let it close on me.
I made my way to the defense table. She whispered to me, “It’s already working.”
“What?”
“I’m the center of attention. That’s the plan.”
A guard brings TT in and sits him at the table. “What are you looking at?” asked J.Lo, I mean La Flor.
“Uh, ah, uh, oh, nothing,” said the guard and left.
“I love to toy with men. Your species is so easy,” said La Flor.
“Are you going to help me,” begged TT.
“Depends,” said La Flor checking herself out in her mirror.
“On what?” whimpered TT.
“On the compliments I get in court,” said La Flor.
“You’re not going to ask me why I’m hear?” said TT tears running down his cheeks.
“Suck it up, TT. Five to ten will do wonders for you. Think of the great tats you’ll get for free. Think of the inspiration you’ll get from all the nice people you meet,” said La Flor applying lip gloss.
“I don’t want to go to prison. They want me to turn state’s evidence against Big Carmen,” said TT
“A minor detail. I’ll handle it. You’ll be back with the little tramp for dinner,” said La Flor.
“You’re speaking about Carmela, right?” I said.
“You know another tramp?” said La Flor.
“All rise, honorable Henry Fleeze presiding,” said the bailiff.
I tugged gently at La Flor’s arm to help her rise. I didn’t want to tear off what little of clothes she was wearing.
“Leave me alone, I’ve got to finish this nail,” said La Flor.
The judge and bailiff glared at La Flor. She ignored them. She finished using her emery board and placed it back into her handbag, then looked at the judge and bailiff, “You boys can sit so we can get this done.”
“Before I hold you in contempt, who are you?”
La Flor nudged me, “She’s the beautiful, tough, and edgy defense attorney,” I said.
“Who are you?” asked the judge.
“I created her, but she’s taken on a life of her own. I’m her as her legal assistant.”
“What she doing now?” demanded the judge.
“I think she posting to one of her many social media outlets.”
“Do you have a name?” he said to La Flor.
“Don’t use that tone of voice with me, fleas,” said La Flor.
“It’s Judge Fleeze,” said Judge Fleeze.
“Trying to impress me that you know your name?” La Flor turned to the courtroom, “Does anyone here not know their name?” No one raised their hand. La Flor added, “Case closed.”
“I’m going to have you removed from the court,” stammered the judge.
“You can’t,” said La Flor.
“And, why can’t I?” asked the judge.
“To start with, I’m eye candy. You’re staring at me. And, Ray will write you right out of here and send you back to wherever you came from. It’s his blog, you know.”
“It’s your blog,” asked the judge.
“Yes sir,” I said.
“Could you get me reassigned to the State Supreme Court. It’s always been my dream,” pleaded the judge.
“On one condition,” said La Flor.
“What’s that?” asked Judge Fleeze.
“You release TT and drop all charges and criticize the district attorney for her stupid hairdo.”
“Done, all charges dropped against TT and he is released immediately. DA Henson, you need to change stylists. Terrible doo.”
With that TT went home to Carmela, La Flor and I walked out of court into the black stretch limo, and Judge Fleeze became a judge on the State Supreme Court.
Make Me A Power Smoothie
“I am so freaking excited. I am the cover girl for the roach’s jewels,” said La Flor lying on her yoga mat doing crunches, some crazy Pilates and core exercises. She added, “I’m already buff, but a cover girl can’t be too buff, suppose they want to feature a diamond in my navel. I have an innie. You can’t feature a diamond in an outie.” La Flor showing great pride in her bully button.
“I think it’s La Roche. What are you doing now?” I asked.
“What did I say? I hate to repeat myself. I’m working my legs and arms together. The best tummy tightener exercise possible. Make me a power smoothie while I finish up.”
“Do you want wheat grass? Gia seeds? Flaxseeds? Green tea? Kale? Spinach? What do you want in it?” I said.
“All the above. I’m in training. Go to one of those health blogs. The weird ones that everyone says they read but don’t. Unlike your blog where everyone says they don’t read and do because of me.”
“I have to time the smoothie. When will you be through with your workout?”
“I’ve got cardio. After cardio, I do upper body weights. Got to keep my natural and I emphasize the word natural wonders firm.”
“It’s a family blog, La Flor.”
“What I say? Lighten up, Ray. Get real. It’s not the Victorian age. Become comfortable with yourself and people will become comfortable with you.”
“Something like you,” I said.
The doorbell rings.
“Exactly. Get the door, it’s probably LC with his arms loaded with gifts for me and he can’t open the door.”
I take a step toward the door. I hear footsteps, it can only be …
“How’s it going beautiful, tough, and edgy and I misses you more than you know every man’s heart throb?” said Big Carmen.
“Hi Big Carmen,” I said.
“I come here to talk to the beautiful, tough, and edgy one. For you, I give you a word, hi,” said Big Carmen.
“Are you upset I didn’t take the job?”
Big Carmen turned toward me, “Upset? Upset? Why woulds use use that milder than my Wednesday night special white cheese pizza, special this week for four ninety nine when use buy eight cannoli for three bucks each word?”
“Something wrong?” I asked.
He turns toward La Flor, “Beautiful, tough, and edgy one, coulds use stop with the bouncing up and downs for a moment. I am getting dizzy with your beauty going back and forth so fast.”
La Flor stops half-way into a crunch. She stares at her abs. “I see a six pack forming. My dream. What is it BC, make it quick, I can’t hold this position for ever.”
“I needs use, but not the ways use thinks I needs use. I gots a question for use. Use may listen. Ray, but let the beautiful, tough and edgy one make up her own, personal, and I will add more brilliant than ten suns and four moons, and six iron stews mind.”
“Did you mean, Einstein?” I said.
“What I tell use abouts repeating what I say. What I say? Iron Stews.”
I pondered telling Big Carmen he repeated himself, but thought it unwise. Not because of him, but because La Flor was giving me a “don’t screw this up” look.
“Yes?” said La Flor flirting with her eyes at Big Carmen.
“Use eyes do something to make my heart have a murmur or someting. I don’t know how it happens. Anyways, there is this problem with someone use know. His name is TT. The cops arrested him. The fool was so happy with his job he thinks he can brags about it. He even text his brother who happens to be an undercover cop. I wants use to be his lawyer. I know use can get him off because use is beautiful, tough, and an edgy legal wizard.”
I said, “His brother turned him in?”
“It was his adopted brother, they’re not blood. But it is the only one he gots.”
“What’s he charged with?”
“Nothing. They want him to go into witness protection, which is a good ting and a bad ting. Now it is a bad ting. What’s that stuff use is making? Use not going to drink it?”
“It’s for La Flor. Part of her conditioning. It’s a power smoothie,” I said.
Big Carmen looked at La Flor, “Use wants to drink someting dat tastes worse than I can’t say because this a family blog and I don’t want use know who to reminds me again. I hate that.”
“What’s in it for me if I get TT out of witness protection?” said La Flor as calm as any Hollywood agent.
“Use gets to name use ticket right to da top of wherevers use wants to go,” said Big Carmen.
“I’ll need a new wardrobe. A personal trainer. A nail and hair tech on call 24/7 for starters. And, I want Ray for my legal assistant.”
“Use got it.”
“Ray, dump the smoothie and bring Big Carmen and me a glass of wine,” La Flor said.
“Huh?”
A Child’s Imagination
A child, filled with imagination, dreams big dreams. Maybe one day, the young boy in this YouTube video will play for the Chicago Cubs, but today in his imagination, he is playing for them and it is real. Free the imagination in your little girl or boy. Let it run wild once again. Let it slay dragons, govern a magic kingdom, discover a new solar system. Set your course, let your inner child guide you.
Life Gives Us A Chance
We can’t all be Olympian Michael Phelps. We can use Michael Phelps’ commitment to preparing for the Olympics to make a difference in life. Life gives us a chance. What we do with the chance is up to us. Perhaps fame and fortune will knock at our door. Perhaps we will toil in obscurity. It makes no difference. Bring a firm commitment to making the most of your precious gift of life. Use your wonderful gift to give joy to our world.
Everyone Loves Me
La Flor and I sit at the table. I’m sipping my coffee, a piece of multigrain toast smothered in peanut butter and raw honey sits in a dish in front of me. A bowl of blueberries off to the side. The temperature in the room is a pleasant 75. Yet, I feel as if I’m back in the freezer.
“Are you going to speak?” I asked La Flor.
“No. No. No. I am never going to speak to you again and this doesn’t count for speaking,” she said.
“Yes it does,” I said.
“No. It was a commercial. And, furthermore you blew a great career opportunity for the both of us.”
“How so?” I asked.
La Flor doesn’t realize she’s talking to me for the first time in five days. “That second rate, oily skinned, horrible hairstyle, who has no class now has my job as the image for Carmen’s Pizzeria. Truth be told, and I will tell the truth, it’s all silicon and collagen. And, a little liposuction from the hips. You think those lips are the same one’s she was born with? Let me tell you about her ….”
“Stop right there, La Flor. Are you talking about Carmela?”
“The itch, I won’t use the B word, stole my job. I am going to trash, trash, trash her.”
“Why don’t you celebrate her success? I’m happy TT is the new manager.”
“That’s because you have no ambition.”
“Do you want half of my toast?”
“No. I’m on a starvation diet.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I’m restricting myself to smoothies and wine and ghuda cheese.”
I hear the door slam, not a moment too soon. Little Carmen comes into the dining room.
“How’s the beautiful, tough, and edgy soon to be model of the world’s most expensive jewelry.”
La Flor cocked her head toward Little Carmen, “Say what?”
“I was talking to Big Carmen and telling him how’s it wasn’t fair that use is not the image for the pizzeria. He’s sorry he did it because his sales has gone down the toilet.”
“I knew it. I knew it. Everyone loves me.”
“Of course. But he had to do it to keeps peace in the big family seeing Carmela is the Whale’s granddaughter and Big Carmen is her godfather.”
“What’s this thing about being a model?” asked La Flor.
“It’s a deal, ifs use wants it. Joe Tomalina, he’s an importer and exporter of certain things. Namely, in this case diamonds is one of his imports. And, cars left for more three hours on the street are what he exports. Well. La Roche Exquisite Jewels needs the importer to procure diamonds. But upon Big Carmen talking to Joe who happens to be a cousin of Big Carmen, Joe tells the roach he got to have you as the new image. TV, Cable, all the big mags. Use got the best deal possible. There’s only one hitch.”
“What and it better not be a deal breaker,” said La Flor.
No, no deal breaker. You still got to be the eye candy for Pepper, Whale and the 5th. They want to watch you do the shoot.”
La Flor bounded out of her chair, threw her arms around Little Carmen’s neck and began to kiss him. For my part, I took my coffee, toast, and fruit to the patio. I’m not one to interfere with love.
Wine Makes The Sun Shine
The Fab Four, AKA, La Flor, Little Carmen, Carmela, and TT, are sitting with me at a corner table at Marzelli’s Trattoria. Geno Marzelli, older, stooped, wearing a silk, handmade Italian suit comes to our table carrying a bottle of expensive wine.
Skip that, I’m rewriting the scene.
“No, you can’t. I don’t want to change a thing. Don’t ruin everything,” said La Flor with a voice sharp enough to slice a hunk of parmesan cheese.
“I don’t want to be part of the mob. I don’t want you to have hot merchandise. I doing a total rewrite.”
“I’m on strike. Who said anything about mob? Not me. Not Big Carmen. Not Pepper. Not Whale. Not the 5th,” said La Flor.
“And, may I add 2 + 3 doesn’t always make 4,” said Little Carmen.
“Huh,” said La Flor, Carmela, TT, and me.
“I’m going to have you becoming a nun and going to South America to live high in the Andes,” I said.
“You are sick. TT call Dr. Phil or somebody over there. We need an intervention and we need it now,” said La Flor trying to play Mozart’s piano concerto without a piano.
“May I intervention to bring this statement to a concluding (I think Geno meant to say, stalemate), said Geno Marzelli.
“We all turned to him. Wine makes the sun shine. It makes the grass green. It makes the birds sing. I give you my best wine. Besides, the beautiful, tough and edgy eye candy is the apples in my eye.” Geno places the wine on the table, bows to La Flor and walks away.
“I think he’s the 5th,” I said.
“Leave it alone, Ray. Do you see how nice Geno was to me? Are you jealous? Of course you are. You could take lessons from him, and so could you, LC.”
“Use wants me to starts practicing bow wowing?” said Little Carmen.
“Yes, and think of ditching the Carmen’s Pizzeria T-shirts with a pepperoni pizza on the back.”
“But I gots a box full, there must be a hundred in there. What am I going to do with them?” asked Little Carmen.
“Do I have to think of everything? My job description says I only have to be eye candy, look beautiful, tough, and edgy. It’s taking all my time.”
“Yah!” said Carmela.
“Ditto,” whispered TT not loud enough for Little Carmen to hear him.
“I thought you rescued me. Instead, you sold me out,” I said gesturing a finger at La Flor.
“Oh Ray. How simple minded you are. Read your job description, out loud please so we all can help you.”
La Flor telling me what to do? I created her. I take a Carmen’s Pizzeria to go menu from the inside pocket of my silk Italian suit. I turn it over because it is on the back side where my job description is written. I start, “Large sausage pizza with Carmen’s special sauce, fourteen seventy-five. Order before seven and get a cannoli.”
“That’s use job description? I thought it was mine,” said Little Carmen.
“Apparently so,” I said.
“Ray, read between the lines, not the menu. Didn’t you listen to Big Carmen? He’s really, very, very, very, smart and handsome,” said La Flor.
“Is he is handsome as his only son,” asked Little Carmen.
“Oh my baby hunk, don’t be insecure. I’m wearing your rock. I have your fur coat. And, might I say keep the furnishings coming.”
“All of which are being donated to the poor today. We’ll stop by the church,” I said.
“No!”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“I’m doing it right now. We suddenly found ourselves at St. Mary’s. We all went to the small building in back of the church that took donations for the poor.”
“Please stop writing. In the name of all that’s good, please stop,” pleaded La Flor.
La Flor, the generous, beautiful, tough, and edgy woman, handed her $10,000 fur coat to the nun taking donations.
“Not my coat!” she hollered.
La Flor seeing the look of gratitude on the nun’s eyes, handed her the $5000 hand crafted black leather boots with spike heels.
“Not my boots!” La Flor shouted.
La Flor, a walking saint, takes off the hot ring and hands it to the nun, “I hope this will help buy food for the hungry,” she said.
“You are the most generous, wonderful, kind, and compassionate woman I’ve met in a long time,” said Sister Monica.
“It’s hard, Sister living in the same house with self-centered, cheap, Ray.
“I understand,” said Sister Monica glaring at me. She turned back to La Flor, “If they give you anymore hot merchandise, bring it over here where it will do some good. Now go back to being eye candy. It keeps those guys calm.
“Thank you, Sister. Now let’s get back to Geno’s I need some wine.”
Can you follow this story? I’m having trouble.
I look at the back of the menu again. She’s right. Between the lines of the menu, are some small words printed with a ball point pen, the hotel variety kind. I read them to the Fab Four, “Use do’s a good job and use gets a bonus on top of the bonus. Don’t ask no question on what use is to do, jus do it. If use don’t know what use is supposed to do, use can clam (yes, it was written clam instead of claim) use is crazy and get off light.”
“See, it’s simple. Anyone can do that job and you’ll finally be making a contribution to society instead of blabbing about me and my entourage on your blog.”
I want to say lots of things. My lips won’t work. My vocal chords are in the Arctic circle and it’s December 21. I feel like I’m hyperventilating when a hand crashes into my back, my forehead hits the table and bounces back.
I hear La Flor say, “Big Carmen how do you get more handsome every time I see you. You make my heart flutter.”
“Beautiful, tough, and edgy one, use the one making my heart turn into chicken cacciatore.”
Big Carmen tells a guy at the table next to us to find another chair. He takes the guy’s chair and pulls it in between La Flor and me. He puts his right arm around me and pulls me tight to him, “Use pulled it off with use intellectual wit, Ray.”
I summon my courage, I said, “What does your organization do?”
“We helps the poor. The unfortunate. The underpriviledged. And, of course ourselves. Use hear what I am saying? We are a charitable organization.”
“You are?”
He whispers, “Dat was for the Feds. Use every heard of Robbing Hood?”
“Robin Hood?” I corrected.
“What I say? We do the same ting. Use is going to manage it cause I’m too busy with my pizzeria.”
I look at TT who’s looking at Carmela. I said, “Why not TT as your manager. Keep it in the family. He’s hot for your godchild, Carmela.”
“Use don’t mind? Use not gonna take it personal?”
“Me? Never.”
“Where does that leave me?” asked La Flor.
“Sipping coffee on the patio with me.”
