A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads āTalking Dog for Sale.ā Intrigued, he walks in.
āSo what have you done with your life?ā he asks the dog.
āIāve led a very full life,ā says the dog. āI lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.ā
The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dogās owner, āWhy on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?ā
The owner says, āBecause heās a liar! He never did any of that!ā
A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. āMy life is a mess,ā he says. āMy owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and Iām as jittery as a cat.ā
āWhy donāt you go see a psychiatrist?ā suggests the collie.
āI canāt,ā says the poodle. āIām not allowed on the couch.ā
I asked my Mom if I was ugly.
She said, “I told you not to call me Mom in front of people.”
A turtle is crossing the road when heās mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened.
The shaken turtle replies, āI donāt know. It all happened so fast.ā
Did you hear about the mathematician whoās afraid of negative numbers?
Heāll stop at nothing to avoid them.
