dialogue

We Are Part of the Fabric of the Human Community

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We do not live isolated lives. We live in a community. We depend on each other. Think of how much you will depend on others as you drive today. You are counting on every driver who shares the road with you to drive carefully. Our dependence exists on the micro and macro levels. We are a part of the woven fabric of life where what we do affects other people. When we bring to the forefront of our minds that we are integral part of the human community we begin to see how dependent we are on each other. Discover creative ways to dialogue, cooperate, and seek common ground.

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Today’s Thought: Dialogue, the Path to Peace

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There are lots of folks who don’t view the world the way I do. That’s good. Think of how boring life would be if we all viewed the world in the same way. Having different viewpoints has its light and dark sides. The dark side occurs when our viewpoint is the only viewpoint and not open to learning and adapting. The light side, like AI, is always learning, discovering and modifying. If we enter into a dialogue with those whose viewpoint is different from ours we both have an opportunity to learn from each other. Pope Francis speaks about the importance of dialogue, “If there is one word that we should never tire of repeating, it is this: dialogue. We are called to promote a culture of dialogue by every possible means and thus to rebuild the fabric of society. “

Today’s Thought:

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Imagine you’re a detective. You’re at a crime scene. You remember all your TV crime shows so you’re all set. There are three witness to the crime. You decide to question them separately since you don’t want them colluding on what they should tells you. One thing you won’t do is to ask them how they’re doing and then walk away. You’ll have a whole list of questions to ask. Some of the witnesses answers will lead to questions you haven’t thought about.

When we want a good relationship with someone it’s important to show interest in them. We politely probe to discover more information about their likes and dislikes. It’s as if we are detectives and we are attempting to draw information from the person we’re with. We forget about ourselves and focus totally on the other person

Today’s Thought: Regaining the Art of Civility

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There is an art to civility where two people can disagree and be civil to each other. It is becoming a lost art. To me, a civil conversation morphs into a dialogue where the parties not only explain their positions, they also seek to understand the other person’s position. One doesn’t have to attack another to prove his/her point is correct. When we can ask, What can I learn from listening? What questions does it raise in my mind? What common areas of agreement exist? And, let me check to make sure I understand what he/she is saying. When we regain the art of civility in our dialogues/conversations personal relationships, political relationships, and work relationships all benefit.

Thinking Out Loud: Daring to Ask Dangerous Questions

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Today’s Thinking Out Loud reflection is on Lewis Carroll’s work, Alice in Wonderland. Alice in Wonderland is available for free download from Project Gutenberg here.

“How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice.

“You must be,” said the Cat, “or you wouldn’t have come here.”

Alice didn’t think that proved it at all; however, she went on. “And how do you know that you’re mad?”[77]

“To begin with,” said the Cat, “a dog’s not mad. You grant that?”

“I suppose so,” said Alice.

“Well, then,” the Cat went on, “you see a dog growls when it’s angry, and wags its tail when it’s pleased. Now I growl when I’m pleased, and wag my tail when I’m angry. Therefore I’m mad.”

“I call it purring, not growling,” said Alice.”

Note: How many arguments are started because we’re sure we’re right? My experience is that a lot of arguments are started because two people refuse to admit that there may be more than one perspective. And, both persons may not have a complete grasp of what is right. When we set aside our perspective and listen to the other we create a fertile field for dialogue to occur. Dialogue is hard work. When we engage in dialogue we dare to ask previously unexplored questions because they were “too dangerous” to ask. Here’s a dangerous question: “Can we talk about ______ without either one of us getting upset?” The follow up question: “How do we do that?” Dare to have the courage to dialogue.

Today’s Power Thought ~ Creating an Environment for Dialogue

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Most people shut down when we tell them what to do. When we ask, would you like some help? We inform them that our door is open and they’re  invited in. Once they walk through the door, we can say, ‘have you thought about this? The opportunity suddenly appears for a dialogue around the central issue.

Something to Think About

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It’s easy to criticize, condemn, and portray people who hold different views than us as evil, foolish, or ignorant. Often, these projections are made onto whole groups, e.g., those who hold different political views, without ever knowing the individual and why the individual feels the way he/she feels. There is no dialogue. There is no attempt to understand. There is no effort to dig deeper into either one’s own views or the views of the other. When we lose our fear of dialogue or discovering that we may possible be wrong, divisiveness remains in control.

Something to Think About

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I have friends who are extremely liberal. I have friends who are extremely conservative. They won’t discuss politics with each other because they know those that don’t believe like them are wrong (or nuts). I think discussing hot topics is a good thing when those discussing them can set aside their biases and discuss the hot topics intelligently without rancor. Discussion of hot topics is central to growth and understanding. It is possible to enter into a civilized conversation about a hot topic and keep one’s integrity in check. 

Something to Think About

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News media and politicians often demonize the opposition. They try to control our emotions and generate our anger toward a perceived enemy. They make the case that the enemy’s goal is to harm us, take away our long held freedoms and values. What if we didn’t listen to the news media and politicians? What if we chose to see those with different views as not much different from ourselves? What if we sought to engage those different from us in honest dialogue seeking areas of common agreement? Different opinions will not go away. They exist for a purpose. They exist to challenge us to think more deeply and seek underlying truths. 

A Better Life ~ Dialogue Beats Arguing

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Relationships are better when both parties enter into a dialogue over issues where they disagree. When we enter a dialogue we implicitly agree to listen to the other and continue to dialogue until we can reach a reasonable agreement. Dialogue is hard work. It takes time. It takes patience. Dialogue is far better than destructive arguments where there are only winners and losers. In the end, dialogue brings both parties closer together.

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