Nothing But Stone – by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Nothing But Stone

I think I never passed so sad an hour,
   Dear friend, as that one at the church to-night.
The edifice from basement to the tower
   Was one resplendent blaze of coloured light.
Up through broad aisles the stylish crowd was thronging,
   Each richly robed like some king’s bidden guest.
“Here will I bring my sorrow and my longing,”
   I said, “and here find rest.”

I heard the heavenly organ’s voice of thunder,
   It seemed to give me infinite relief.
I wept.  Strange eyes looked on in well-bred wonder.
   I dried my tears: their gaze profaned my grief.
Wrapt in the costly furs, and silks, and laces,
   Beat alien hearts, that had no part with me.
I could not read, in all those proud cold faces,
   One thought of sympathy.

I watched them bowing and devoutly kneeling,
   Heard their responses like sweet waters roll
But only the glorious organ’s sacred pealing
   Seemed gushing from a full and fervent soul.
I listened to the man of holy calling,
   He spoke of creeds, and hailed his own as best;
Of man’s corruption and of Adam’s-falling,
   But naught that gave me rest:

Nothing that helped me bear the daily grinding
   Of soul with body, heart with heated brain;
Nothing to show the purpose of this blinding
   And sometimes overwhelming sense of pain.
And then, dear friend, I thought of thee, so lowly,
   So unassuming, and so gently kind,
And lo! a peace, a calm serene and holy,
   Settled upon my mind.

Ah, friend, my friend! one true heart, fond and tender,
   That understands our troubles and our needs,
Brings us more near to God than all the splendour
   And pomp of seeming worship and vain creeds.
One glance of thy dear eyes so full of feeling,
   Doth bring me closer to the Infinite
Than all that throng of worldly people kneeling
   In blaze of gorgeous light.

Suffering Isn’t Easy, But it Happens

Suffering isn’t easy. Healthy people don’t want it for themselves or for others. Yet, it happens. In Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again, M shared her wisdom with me about suffering. I listened because I knew she suffered a great loss before me. Here is an excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again:

“Remember what Saint Teresa of Ávila said: ‘All things are passing; God never changes, patience obtains all things.’ Don’t be afraid of suffering. It’s unavoidable. You can do nothing to make it go away. It has a life of its own. You did not purposely will this suffering upon yourself. It happened. It happened as it will happen to everyone. It is part of the human condition. We can push aside all thoughts of it to some remote canyon in Texas, but it waits patiently, knowing its time will come. Instead of suffering being a curse, think of your unavoidable suffering as a wonderful gift to help you become a more loving and compassionate person. If you’re willing, you will see the lessons it is teaching you”

Excerpt From

Dancing Alone: Learning to Live again by Ray Calabrese

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Trusting My Intuition

Trusting My Intuition as I Grieved

On one of our visits, M encouraged me to trust my intuition as I grieved. Here is an excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again. 

“M stared at me. A slight smile appeared. She slowly shook her head and said, “When you trust your intuition, you’re trusting God. Even if you fail, God will draw good out of your failure. It’s why, in the end, following your instincts will be the right course for you.”

M’s words resonated with me as I replied, “Oftentimes, I don’t see the hand of God until I look back over the distance I’ve traveled. When I look back, I realize how life prepared me for the moment. It is a moment of grace. It is a moment of gratitude. In that moment, I thank God for my teachers on the journey, for the strength and capabilities given to prepare me for the challenge. Most of all, I thank God for always being near me, even when I couldn’t sense He was there.

Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again. Available in paperback and ebook formats from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, and Kobo.

Excerpt From

Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again

Raymond Calabrese

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There Will Be Another Season

There was a time during the depths of my grieving when I felt as if I were drowning. M and I went for a walk in nearby park. Here is an excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again where she helped me through the moment:

“M didn’t answer right away. Instead, she stopped and pulled out her iPhone, turning to the wild flowers just off the trail’s edge.

“I love wild flowers. I must take a photo,” she said. “They only come once a year. They give us their beauty if we are awake to appreciate their gift. They die in the fall, and spring forth again for their next growing season. Think God is sending us a message about life with the flowers?” She didn’t wait for me to answer. “Babe gave us her beauty, especially to you, and she gave it to all she met. Always be grateful for her gift, Ray. You don’t cry when the wild flowers die, you know there will be another season. God is telling you there will be another season.”

I couldn’t help myself as tears rolled down my cheeks. I embraced M. After a moment, I let go.

“Thank you. There will be another season,” I said, reassuring myself.”

Excerpt From

Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again. Available in paperback and ebook formats from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, and Kobo.

Ray Calabrese

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Grieving is Different for Everyone

Early in my grieving process, I received lots of advice on how to grieve as if there was a right or wrong way to grieve. In Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again, I asked M if there was a right or wrong way to grieve. Here is an excerpt from the book:

“What do you think? Is there a right and wrong way to grieve?”

M didn’t answer as we kept walking. A hundred yards further, she broke our silence.

“What makes you think there is a right way to grieve?” she asked.

“I read it in a newsletter,” I felt foolish. M let it pass.

“I know you love sports, Ray. Is there a right way to hit a baseball?” asked M.

I thought about it for a second and said, “No. As long as you can hit a baseball, it doesn’t matter. There are some general mechanics all ballplayers share, but each one hits with a personal style.”

“What does that tell you about grieving?” M asked. “It’s not a trick question.”

“Everyone has their own way of dealing with grief. There is no one size fits all,” I said.

M patted my shoulder and said, “You’ve got it on your first attempt. Like you said, there are mechanics everyone needs. In the end, using the baseball metaphor, it’s you in the batter’s box and grief pitching. No one else can hit the ball but you.”

Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again is available in print and eBook formats worldwide. eBooks can be downloaded from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, iBooks, Kobo and eBooks2go.com

Excerpt From

Dancing Alone

Raymond Calabrese

This material is protected  copyright.

Life Asks Everyone the Same Questions

Life Asks Everyone he Same Questions

There’s a big difference between existing and living. While I grieved I felt I existed and stopped living. M challenged me to live. In Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again I write:

“M stared at me for a moment, and then said, “Life asks the same two questions of everyone. It asks if we want to live. If we say yes to the question, it asks another question. It asks if we are ready to look forward to the joys of living. Each time you choose to live and not give in to despair, Ray, you choose to live. Then, you have a chance to answer the second question.”

Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again is available in print and eBook formats worldwide. eBooks can be downloaded from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, iBooks, Kobo and eBooks2go.com

There Are No Life Jackets in the Sea of Grief

Early on during my grieving process I grew tired of well meaning people telling me time will heal me.  I smiled politely and went on grieving privately. In Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again I write:

“I am impatient with the grieving process. In the end, I want to trust God to lead me. I’m not fully on board with the trusting part. Change is difficult. I have a simple choice: drown or swim. There is no in between. There are no life jackets in the sea of grief.”

Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again is available in print and eBook formats worldwide. eBooks can be downloaded from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, iBooks, Kobo and eBooks2go.com

Emotional Storms & Grieving

In Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again I journal about emotions that swirled about me. I had to learn to live with them or be overwhelmed by them. Here is an excerpt about the emotions I experienced from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again:

“I think about the emotions that flood me without notice. They arrive with gale force winds in any environment and spark from any trigger. I sum up how my emotions affect me in four simple, easy-to-understand words: It hurts like hell.

It hurts in a way only one who experienced the pain of losing someone they love understands. What does it feel like? It’s not physical pain, yet I experience it physically deep in the pit of my stomach, with a clenched jaw, or through the endless tossing and turning at three in the morning when sleep does not return. It hurts like hell.

I run from away from dealing with my emotions by engaging in exercise, prayer, and writing. Even in those times of distraction, my emotions rear their ugly heads into my space, grab ahold of me, and throw me to the floor. My emotions stand over me, waving their fists and daring me to get up, all too willing to knock me down again. I wearily rise to my knees. I stand again, my legs wobbly. I try to clear my head. It hurts like hell.”

Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again is available in print and eBook formats worldwide. eBooks can be downloaded from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, iBooks, Kobo and eBooks2go.com

Greiving Support Groups Were a Blessing

Participating in a Grieving Support Group Taught Me I Wasn’t Alone

The following is an excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again

I was among strong women who endured suffering. They went on living and caring for those around them “while they grieved. They were aware of their need for help in the grieving process and had the courage to seek it. I listened to a woman openly cry while telling the story of her husband who died of a heart attack in her arms. I thought of how strong she was to recognize her need to grieve. She wanted to be healed. Another woman described how her husband of 54 years died unexpectedly this summer. A woman sitting next to me, Chris, showed me her ring finger with a tattoo of her deceased husband’s name, Nick, on it. Even though a tattoo isn’t something I would personally do, I empathized with her heartbreak. Terry, who sat two seats over to my right, still mourned the loss of her dad after four years. Her sadness was etched all over her face. Her loss, like mine, resided in the deep, dark places of her soul. Each woman spoke with honesty, searching for comfort amongst their deep losses. At times, they spoke of the physical suffering they were experiencing.

“At times it feels like I can’t breathe my heart hurts so much,” a woman named Janet shared.

For each of us, our suffering and pain manifested itself in similar and different ways. In the end, it led to the same place of grief. We hurt. We ached. We wondered if we would ever be happy.

Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again is available in paperback and ebook formats from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, and Kobo.

Choose to Live

Excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again

“M continued, “It doesn’t matter if your steps are small. It doesn’t matter if you trip and fall. When you stumble forward, dare to rise and take another step. Each time you rise and courageously face your suffering, you look to the future and signal to your mind and body you choose to live. Don’t count the times you stumble, Ray. One day you’ll wake up and realize you’re walking without stumbling. You’ll stop walking or doing whatever you’re doing and give thanks to God. Until the moment arrives, continue to stumble forward. Keep acting on that choice. There’s a short Chinese proverb that’s very fitting for you right now, ‘Talk does not cook rice.’”


Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again is available in print and eBook formats worldwide. eBooks can be downloaded from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, iBooks, Kobo and eBooks2go.com

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