grieving

Stumbling Forward ~ Learning to Live

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Stumbling Forward ~ Learning New Ways to Live While Grieving

The following is an excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again: 

“I feel as I’m stumbling forward, M. You know how it is, two steps forward and then I step on a rock, causing me to lose my balance. I stumble to the ground—always forward, never backward.”

“I like the metaphor,” M said. “Stumbling forward describes how I felt during my periods of intense grieving. When I stumbled forward, I chose to pass through grieving’s doorway and stumbled forward knowing I had to learn new ways to live. I learned to do many things Peter previously did for me. I didn’t want to learn to do them, I had to stumble forward. I had to grow.”

I am giving away an ebook copy (available on iTunes) of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again to 50 lucky winners who like this post by midnight, tonight, December 17th. Winners will be randomly selected and notified by email with the iTunes code for downloading Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again. If you liked this post or previous Dancing Alone posts and want to receive an ebook copy of Dancing Along: Learning to Live Again, please complete the contact form below or email me directly (ray.brese@gmail.com) with your email address. I will not share your email address or place you on any newsletter mailing list. 

Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again is available in paperback and ebook formats from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, and Kobo.

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Grieving & Unanwered Prayers

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Grieving and Unanswered Prayers

The following is an excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again: 

“M shrugged and said, “I don’t know why God answers some prayers and others are unanswered, Ray. No one knows. I don’t know why good people suffer and bad people thrive. I don’t know, and I have no answers. I know you’re angry. You’re not the first person to be mad at God, and you won’t be the last. You may not see it today or tomorrow, but you’re loved. When you open your eyes to love, and you will, you will see little flowers of love coming your way in unexpected ways. It may be a stranger who asks you casually how you’re doing. It may be a neighbor doing something nice for you. I don’t know. I received thousands of love flowers—that’s what I call them—and, I’m still receiving them.”

I am giving away an ebook copy (available on iTunes) of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again to 50 lucky winners who like this post by midnight, December 17th. Winners will be randomly selected and notified by email with the iTunes code for downloading Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again. If you liked this post or previous Dancing Alone posts and want to receive an ebook copy of Dancing Along: Learning to Live Again, please complete the contact form below or email me directly (ray.brese@gmail.com) with your email address. I will not share your email address or place you on any newsletter mailing list. 

Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again is available in paperback and ebook formats from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, and Kobo.

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Bringing Sorrow Into The Sunlight

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Giveaway Opportunity – Receive the Free ebook: Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again

The following excerpt is from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again

“You’re carrying a lot of baggage, Ray. You need to unpack it, or it’s going to burden you for the rest of your life.” M replied. “Journaling will help lighten the load so one day you will fly unafraid through the clouds. Let your journal reflect your deepest emotions, your deepest feelings, and your perceptions of what happened to Babe and you.”

I began journaling following M’s advice and it made all the difference. Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again contains all of my journals. They will give you ideas on how journaling can help you move through the grieving process.

I am giving away an ebook copy (available on iTunes) of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again to 50 lucky winners who like this post and complete the contact form below by midnight, December 17th. Winners will be randomly selected and notified by email with the iTunes code for downloading Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again on December 20th. 

Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again is available in paperback and ebook formats from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, and Kobo

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Grief Strikes Like a Rattlesnake

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Grief Strikes Like a Rattlesnake

“[Grief] strikes like a rattlesnake: quick, painful, and intense, releasing its poisonous venom into you. Life is different, Ray. Whatever way you experienced life as before, that’s over. You can’t have it back.” (Excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again).

Grieving isn’t easy, it hurts like hell. I am giving away an ebook copy (available on iTunes) of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again to 50 lucky winners who like this post and email me (ray.brese@gmail.com) by midnight, December 17th. Winners will be randomly selected and notified by email with the iTunes code for downloading Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again on December 20th. 

Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again is available in paperback and ebook formats from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, and Kobo. 

Grieving Hurts Like Hell

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Grieving Hurts Like Hell

I began writing Dancing Alone: Learning to Love Again less than a week after I buried my wife and best friend. Dancing Alone – Learning to Live Again is for all who grieve and want to believe the power of love will lead to healing of the physical, emotional, and spiritual pain experienced from their devastating loss. Dancing Alone – Learning to Live Again is my experience of the grieving journey. I learned grieving isn’t easy, and I had to learn how to live all over again.

Grieving isn’t easy, it hurts like hell. I am giving away an ebook copy (available on iTunes) of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again to 50 lucky winners who like this post and email me by midnight, December 17th. Winners will be randomly selected and notified by email with the iTunes code for downloading Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again on December 20th. 

Solitude ~ Poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

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Solitude

by Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone;
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is lost on the air;
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
But shrink from voicing care.
Rejoice, and men will seek you;
Grieve, and they turn and go;
They want full measure of all your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all,—
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
But alone you must drink life’s gall.
Feast, and your halls are crowded;
Fast, and the world goes by.
Succeed and give, and it helps you live,
But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a large and lordly train,
But one by one we must all file on
Through the narrow aisles of pain.

Something to Think About

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“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”

Friedrich Nietzsche

 

When my wife and soul mate died from glioblastoma my heart shattered into 1000’s of pieces.  I have five daughters, all who live out of state. The girls would do anything for me.

In my lowest moments, I decided to be an example to the girls. I wanted to show them it was possible to survive and thrive. This became my WHY. This became my motivation to get up and get going each day and not give in to depression and despair. Slowly, the sun began to shine, the birds began to sing, and I began to smile.

What is your why?

In your darkest moments, what “why” carried you through until your sun once again shined on you?

“Transience” ~ Poem by Sarojini Naidu

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Transience

Nay, do not grieve tho’ life be full of sadness,
Dawn will not veil her splendour for your grief,
Nor spring deny their bright, appointed beauty
To lotus blossom and ashoka leaf.

Nay, do not pine, tho’ life be dark with trouble,
Time will not pause or tarry on his way;
To-day that seems so long, so strange, so bitter,
Will soon be some forgotten yesterday.

Nay, do not weep; new hopes, new dreams, new faces,
The unspent joy of all the unborn years,
Will prove your heart a traitor to its sorrow,
And make your eyes unfaithful to their tears.

Poem by Tagore on Grief & Love

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Say not in grief that she is no more
but say in thankfulness that she was
A death is not the extinguishing of a light,
but the putting out of the lamp
because the dawn has come.

– R. Tagore

A Year of Grieving

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August 19 – Today is the first anniversary of the death of my best friend, soul mate, and wife, Barb Calabrese. I called her Babe. A remarkable woman who taught me more about love than all the words I’ve read on the subject. She touched a large Twitter following, @Barb_Calabrese, reaching out in simple, love-filled ways.

My year has been a year of learning to dance with grieving. A year of learning how to live without someone whom I shared the most intimate secrets of my soul. A year of grappling with why? And, discovering I’ll never know the answer. A year of discovering I am not alone on this journey. All who have suffered a deep loss understand the grieving experience without speaking. They understand by looking into each other’s eyes. Their messages travel silently from heart to heart.

In my year of grieving, I rediscovered a deep faith in God. For unexplained reasons people I know, and strangers enter my life as messengers of love at unexpected times, times when I am low; times when sadness knocks at my door. They pick me up. Make me smile. And, encourage me. I find the strength to go on another day.

Each day, I grow stronger. Each day, I grow more optimistic. And, each day I find my path forward unfolding before me. How does it happen? I believe it is grace. I have no other explanation for it. I don’t think grieving ever ends. But I choose to dance with it.

To all my brothers and sisters who grieve over the loss of a loved one, together let’s find the strength and courage to go on. Together, let’s smile more often. Together, let’s sing joyful and happy songs. Together, let’s celebrate the gift of the life of the person we loved and love; and, together let’s not waste a moment of the wonderful gift of life you and I still share.

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