Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. His buddy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: “I think my friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Stay calm. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of a coughing syrup.
–
Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks: “Well? Are you still coughing?”
–
The patient replies: “No. I’m afraid to.”
My Dad said to me, “Son, I wanted you to know you were adopted.”
I shouted, “You’re kidding!”
He said, “It’s true. Get your things together, they’re coming to pick you up in an hour.”
I just got a photo from a speeding camera through the mail.
I sent it right back – way too expensive and really bad quality.
Of course I should clean my windows. But privacy is important too.
A man walks into a coffee shop carrying a big chunk of asphalt under his arm.
At the counter he says, “I’ll take a large latte for myself, please, and one for the road.”
What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don’t look, I’m about to change.
A man is walking in the desert with his horse and his dog when the dog says, “I can’t do this. I need water.” The man says, “I didn’t know dogs could talk.”
The horse says, “Me neither!”
Husband: “Last night I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach.”
Wife: “That explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.”
