“Love begins by taking care of the closest ones – the ones at home.” ~ Mother Teresa
Life radically changed when I began grieving. One change for me was the home Babe and I shared. I still lived at the same address. The difference now, my home became a house. Here is an excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again that talks about this change:
“My house was empty. It was no longer a home. A home was what Babe made it. It was now as empty as I was. I wandered from room to room. I didn’t know where to begin. Everywhere I turned, a memory stared back at me. I stared momentarily at a photo of us together and cried. I turned and saw the flowers she loved and the tears continued to flow. I walked into the bedroom and gazed at her side of the bed. I turned and walked into the study, my eyes staring at Babe’s empty seat with her unopened computer sitting on her desk. I quickly walked to my desk, got my computer, and closed the double doors to the study. It was too painful for me to work in there. Pain was everywhere. I couldn’t avoid it.”
Ordering information for the paperback or ebook version of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again may be found here.
Excerpt From: Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again by Ray Calabrese. This material is protected by copyright
If there is to be peace in the world,
There must be peace in the nations.
If there is to be peace in the nations,
There must be peace in the cities.
If there is to be peace in the cities,
There must be peace between neighbors.
If there is to be peace between neighbors,
There must be peace in the home.
If there is to be peace in the home,
There must be peace in the heart.
– Lao-tsu
“I don’t care if we have our house, or a cliff ledge, or a cardboard box. Home is wherever we all are, together,” James Patterson
Dear readers, The characters in my stories and I wish you the most joy-filled and peaceful Christmas. Here is to love filling your heart, homes, and all who enter. Merry Christmas, Ray
“The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” Maya Angelu
A few years back, I was traveling with four of my doctoral students to our research site. One of the doctoral students said, “Dr. Calabrese, where do you call home?” He knew my career took me to several states. Without hesitation, I said, “Home is where I am with my wife, the person I love most.” He didn’t understand. He said, “My home is Kansas. I knew he wouldn’t understand what I meant.
I’ve never thought of home as a house or a location. I’ve always thought of it as a place where I am with the person or people I love most in this world.
“Home isn’t where you’re from, it’s where you find light when all grows dark.” ~ Pierce Brown
In that particular place, whether it is a house, car, restaurant, or coffee shop, I am at peace because I know I am loved as I am. I have to be no other than who I am.
Now, nine months since Babe died, I am recreating a home. My five daughters live out of state and here I am in Texas, alone, but not lonely. Together with my neighbors and new friends, I am recreating a place I will call home.
“I don’t care if we have our house, or a cliff ledge, or a cardboard box. Home is wherever we all are, together,” James Patterson
I hope you have a place called home.
When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need. –Lao Tzu
I’m dancing alone. I try to live a simple, uncomplicated life. I get rid of “stuff” whenever I can. If you visit me, you’ll not find a home cluttered with “stuff.” I carry what I treasure in my heart and memories. I know what I carry in my heart and memory will not rust, wear out, rot, or decay.
Living simply for me is learning to let go. It’s not easy to let go of things Babe and I carried with us for years. Many of these “things” carry special memories. Yet, when Babe died, letting go hurt like hell. I didn’t want to do it. I knew I had to do it if I were to open my heart to healing. Letting go is saying goodbye, waving farewell and Godspeed to a friend as a friend leaves on a journey I can’t follow, at least not yet. I cannot stay standing still watching the horizon waiting for my friend to return. Life asks me to turn around and return to living life. I find it is letting my friend go, trusting God to take care of my friend and to guide me on my path forward.
Letting go of the big things makes letting go of the little things easier. As Lao Tzu says in the quote above, “When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need.” I’ve found this to be true in my life.
