jokes

Joe: I have the perfect son.
Pete: Does he smoke?
Joe: No, he doesn’t.
Pete: Does he drink whiskey?
Joe: No, he doesn’t.
Pete: Does he ever come home late?
Joe: No, he doesn’t.
Pete: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
Joe: And, he will be six months old next Wednesday.

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Question: Can February march?

Answer: No, but April may.

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Question: What’s a shark’s favorite sandwich?

Answer:  Peanut butter and jellyfish!

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Question: Why are frogs always so happy?

Answer: They eat what ever bugs them.

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Teacher: “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?”

Student: “A drinking problem.”

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Q: What did the duck say when she bought lipstick?
A: “Put it on my bill.”

There were two cows in a field. One said: “Moo.”

The other cow said: “I was going to say that!”

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A guy shows up to work at 9 a.m. The boss yells, “You should’ve been here at 8.30!”

The guy says, “Why? What happened at 8.30?”

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My friend ask me to round up her 4 cats.

I said, “Five.”

How many opticians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Is it one or two? One… or two?