I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!Ā š
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts.
I wanted to go on a diet, but I feel like I have way too much on my plate right now.
A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. āMy life is a mess,ā he says. āMy owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and Iām as jittery as a cat.ā
āWhy donāt you go see a psychiatrist?ā suggests the collie.
āI canāt,ā says the poodle. āIām not allowed on the couch.ā
A turtle is crossing the road when heās mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened.
The shaken turtle replies, āI donāt know. It all happened so fast.ā
Why did the burglar shower?
He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Woman 1: “What would you do if you sent your husband to bring potatoes up from the cellar and he fell down the stairs and broke his neck?
Woman 2: Pasta I guess.
The cable repairman was on my street and asked me what time it was. I told him it is between 8 am and 1 pm.
