love

A Place Called Home

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“The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” Maya Angelu

A few years back, I was traveling with four of my doctoral students to our research site. One of the doctoral students said, “Dr. Calabrese, where do you call home?” He knew my career took me to several states. Without hesitation, I said, “Home is where I am with my wife, the person I love most.” He didn’t understand. He said, “My home is Kansas. I knew he wouldn’t understand what I meant.

I’ve never thought of home as a house or a location. I’ve always thought of it as a place where I am with the person or people I love most in this world.

“Home isn’t where you’re from, it’s where you find light when all grows dark.” ~ Pierce Brown

In that particular place, whether it is a house, car, restaurant, or coffee shop, I am at peace because I know I am loved as I am. I have to be no other than who I am.

Now, nine months since Babe died, I am recreating a home. My five daughters live out of state and here I am in Texas, alone, but not lonely. Together with my neighbors and new friends, I am recreating a place I will call home.

“I don’t care if we have our house, or a cliff ledge, or a cardboard box. Home is wherever we all are, together,”  James Patterson

I hope you have a place called home.

happy family.jpg

 

Designed to Love

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“Don’t brood. Get on with living and loving. You don’t have forever.” – Leo Buscaglia

Babe loved Dr. Leo Buscaglia. She watched his specials on PBS and read his books. She called him Dr. Love. He was a man of deep wisdom, common sense, and compassion who understood enjoying life and loving all you meet are at the center of it all.

Brooding and hosting a pity party for one is bad for the disposition and health. There is no benefit to it. I declare today a national no brooding day. Pity parties are relegated to February 30th. That’s right, there is no February 30th. You and I have today – let’s enjoy every moment, each person, each breath of air.

Think of all the wonderful, marvelous things life gives us to enjoy. I speak for myself. I have five daughters who would help me at the drop of a hat. I have grandchildren who enjoy having me toss a football, play basketball, or tell stories. The birds sing to me every morning, noon, and evening. The sun warms me. Music soothes my spirit and makes me smile.

We are designed to love and be loved. We are given the gift of life and love to enjoy and help others to enjoy. I think I’ll go dancing. I may jump on the stage and sing. I am filled with joy.

 

Learning to Let Go

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When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need. –Lao Tzu

I’m dancing alone. I try to live a simple, uncomplicated life. I get rid of “stuff” whenever I can. If you visit me, you’ll not find a home cluttered with “stuff.” I carry what I treasure in my heart and memories. I know what I carry in my heart and memory will not rust, wear out, rot, or decay.

Living simply for me is learning to let go. It’s not easy to let go of things Babe and I carried with us for years. Many of these “things” carry special memories. Yet, when Babe died, letting go hurt like hell. I didn’t want to do it. I knew I had to do it if I were to open my heart to healing. Letting go is saying goodbye, waving farewell and Godspeed to a friend as a friend leaves on a journey I can’t follow, at least not yet. I cannot stay standing still watching the horizon waiting for my friend to return. Life asks me to turn around and return to living life. I find it is letting my friend go, trusting God to take care of my friend and to guide me on my path forward.

Letting go of the big things makes letting go of the little things easier. As Lao Tzu says in the quote above, “When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need.” I’ve found this to be true in my life.

Learning Common Sense the Hard Way

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Lessons From Life

There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.  ~Author Unknown

Why does it take so long to acquire wisdom? I consider myself intelligent. I earned a doctorate. I had a stellar career in higher education. Yet, I am a slow learner. My uneducated dad would tell my brother and me we had a great education, but the university forgot to teach us common sense. I always got a laugh out of that one.

In my dad’s lived experience of growing up with ten siblings, raised by a single mom after his father died, living through the great depression, and fighting in WW II allowed him to gain human wisdom. He called it common sense. He learned early on the things life is now teaching me. I learned:

  • Trusting God is better than asking why.
  • Living in the present moment is better than living in the past.
  • Having a hope-filled heart is better than having a bitter heart.
  • Knowing love wins, love always wins is better than not knowing or ever having experienced love.

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