The Tomato Heist & Really Tough Love

Joey Giamano’s dad owned Giamano’s Pizza and Bar. A warehouse separated Giamano’s Pizza and Bar from the tenement building where I lived. You’re probably wondering where is Ray going with this boyhood story – you in the last row, turn your iPad off, quit staring at your iPhone.

It’s Joey’s story. Joey and I are the same age – that is, if Joey’s alive. Chances 60-40 Joey’s not with us any longer. Joey never went by Joey. He was always Joey G. I believe he started using Joey G because he couldn’t spell his last name. He told me once, it had too many vowels. He goes, “You know it like the stuff that makes you go to the bathroom.”

I said, “You’re talking bowels or vowels?”

Joey G said, “Bowels, vowels it’s all the same.”

Now you must be getting an inkling of Joey’s intellect.

Here’s where it started to go wrong for Joey. My salvation was the grace of God and a dad who, after he gave me tough love (that’s what they call it these days); except it wasn’t the kind of tough love they talk about these days. It was really, really, really tough love. Lesson delivered. Lesson received. Oh my, was it ever received. I think it still hurts.

One lazy July afternoon, Joey and I were tossing rocks at a telephone poll in front of Giamano’s Pizza & Bar – this is what kids did before the Internet. It was harmless fun until a rock accidentally hit a passing car. Throwing rocks helped me to … did you think I was going to say become a pitcher? No, they help me to think that there had to be more to life.

Well, Joey G’s dad, Rocco Giamano, opens the door. I never saw Rocco without a full white apron with sauce stains. He calls Joey G, and said, “Joey G, we’re running short of fresh tomatoes. I want you to go to the store (it was 50 yards down the street) and get me a basket full. Tell the Beak to put it on my tab.” The Beak was Aldo

He calls to Joey G, “Joey G, we’re running short of fresh tomatoes. I want you to go to the store (it was 50 yards down the street) and get me a basket full. Tell the Beak to put it on my tab.” The Beak was Aldo

The Beak was Aldo Mangi. We all had big noses, but Aldo’s nose was something else. Hence, he got the nickname, The Beak.

Joey G said, “Pop, Aldo is way over there (Joey’s pointing at Aldo’s store). I’m in the middle of a game with Ray. Can it wait?”

Rocco wiped his pizza sauce hands on his apron and said, “You don’t get your bleep moving (only he didn’t say bleep) I”m gonna kick a field goal and you find yourself landing at the Beaks.”

“Okay, okay, I’m going. Can I take Ray?”

“I don’t care if you take Goldilocks, get me my tomatoes.”

Joey G turns to me, “Listen up. We’re going steal Aldo’s tomatoes from his garden in back of his store. He won’t miss anything.”

“I don’t know Joey G.”

“You chicken or something?”

That did it for me in those days. You could live with most things, but being called chicken was not one of the things you could live with. I agreed to go on the tomato heist.

We snuck into Larry Z’s garden. The problem is that Aldo is not in the store. He is in the garden. I said to Joey G, “We got to leave before Aldo sees us.”

Joey G doesn’t say anything. He grabs three ripe tomatoes and starts throwing them at Aldo. One of them catches Aldo smack on his clean white shirt. Joey G, throws the fourth one and takes off. Aldo runs after him only stopping after he spots me on the ground. He grabs hold of me and marches me home. He and my dad talked. They shook hands. I do not want to go into the details of tough love. Let’s say, I could no longer pal around with Joey G. Joey G was no longer welcome in the house.

Joey G was in juvenile detention when I graduated from high school. He got out when I enlisted in the army. He was in the state prison when I graduated from college. That’s the last I heard about him. The moral of the story is don’t toss ripe tomatoes at Aldo. Hey, that’s the best I could come up with on one cup of coffee.

I’m grateful for parents who made me walk a straight line. Grateful they knew who was a good influence on me and who was a bad influence on me. And, I am grateful after receiving tough love, I still felt loved.

 

Love Finds A Way

This past weekend, Mother’s Day, I traveled to Illinois to spend time with a daughter and her family. It’s my first Mother’s Day without Babe. No sadness, a time for celebration for what was, what is, and what will be.

Love finds a way to heal.

Love finds a way to renew.

Love finds a way to rekindle the fire of life.

Love always finds a way through even the darkest of nights.

Love is the beginning, the middle and the new beginnings of all things.

Love Finds a way

Always trust love.

Love always finds a way

The Power of Family

“That’s what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when you’re not so lovable.” ― Deb Caletti

“I sustain myself with the love of family.” ― Maya Angelou

A family has always been a big deal for me. When I was growing up, it was a place I called home. I felt wanted, loved, and encouraged. Was it perfect? Not by any measure. We all held our measure of imperfection. It didn’t matter, it was family. Mom and dad always held an open door and waited for me with open arms.

When I married Babe, we decided we would be a family filled with love. We wanted our five girls to know their mom and dad loved each other and modeled their love for them. We loved, we laughed, we celebrated, we cried, and we forgave. Through it all, we remain a family.

All through Babe’s suffering and death, the five girls rallied around me. They sustained me. They did it because that is what loving families do.

All through my grieving period, their love was the foundation from which I gleaned strength, courage, and determination to go on. Why? Because it is what loving families do.

Family is the place we come from and where we feel we can always return.

Family is the place where, in spite of differences, when the chips are down, we count on each other.

Not everyone has the same experience of family as I did. It is never too late to create a sense of family. It takes two people who care deeply about each other. Two people who dare venture into tomorrow. And, two people who will always have each other’s back. I found strength in my large family. I hope you find strength in your family.

Family

 

Are You Ready To Soar?

“Don’t let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.” ~John Wooden

“A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.” –  Harry Truman

Are you ready for today?

Give me my cup of coffee, a hot shower, a time to give thanks to a loving God I have a new day and a new chance. I am ready. I am so ready for a great day. I ask myself:

Am I ready to go all in and give it my best every moment?

Am I ready to believe good things will come my way today?

Am I tougher than my challenges?

Am I ready to love everyone who comes my way today?

Am I ready to leave a positive imprint on every place I travel and on everyone I meet?

Am I ready to see, perhaps for the first time, all the blessings that surround me and to give thanks for them?

Am I ready? I am. Are you ready? Together we will leave it all on the table. We will give it our best each moment. We will make today better than yesterday. We will positively touch the lives of all whom we meet today.

Words to think about

  • Optimism
  • Fervour
  • Zeal
  • Passion
  • Vitality
  • Strength
  • Persistence
  • Effort
  • Soar

 

The Power of Love

“Only those who attempt the absurd can achieve the impossible.” – Albert Einstein

I am a guy dancing alone. In reality, I’m only alone if I choose to be alone. I am surrounded by great neighbors. I have great friends. I have wonderful daughters and grandchildren. Everywhere I travel I meet good people, kind people, compassionate people.

I am attempting the absurd, as Einstein says – I am proving to myself and to all who share a similar journey, suffering doesn’t have the last word. Love has the last word. Despair has no place in the conversation. Love is the conversation. Sorrow will not triumph. Love will triumph over all.

Yes, believing in the awesome, healing, renewing, recreating power of love is absurd. It is the path I follow to achieve the absurd.

Power of Love.jpg

Here For A Purpose

The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well. 
-Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Have you had tough times? Dumb question, right?  We’ve all had our share of tough times. No one is a stranger to life’s storms. We’ve all had moments when our world turned dark, leaving us wondering if the sun will shine again. Life happens

Life happens in ways we don’t understand. The only fair thing about life is that it is unfair, unpredictable, and uncertain.

I believe, in spite of life’s unfairness, unpredictability, and uncertainty, you and I are here for a purpose. I believe our purpose involves other people. It doesn’t take keen insight to know we all need compassion. We all need to feel loved. We all need to feel needed. I know I find my happiness not in things but through my relationships with other people. I find a deep sense of joy when those I love succeed. I feel a deep sense gratitude when I make a difference in someone else’s life.

I’ve come to understand, any happiness I find occurs when I move from ME to We.

Here for a purpose.jpg

A Place Called Home

“The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” Maya Angelu

A few years back, I was traveling with four of my doctoral students to our research site. One of the doctoral students said, “Dr. Calabrese, where do you call home?” He knew my career took me to several states. Without hesitation, I said, “Home is where I am with my wife, the person I love most.” He didn’t understand. He said, “My home is Kansas. I knew he wouldn’t understand what I meant.

I’ve never thought of home as a house or a location. I’ve always thought of it as a place where I am with the person or people I love most in this world.

“Home isn’t where you’re from, it’s where you find light when all grows dark.” ~ Pierce Brown

In that particular place, whether it is a house, car, restaurant, or coffee shop, I am at peace because I know I am loved as I am. I have to be no other than who I am.

Now, nine months since Babe died, I am recreating a home. My five daughters live out of state and here I am in Texas, alone, but not lonely. Together with my neighbors and new friends, I am recreating a place I will call home.

“I don’t care if we have our house, or a cliff ledge, or a cardboard box. Home is wherever we all are, together,”  James Patterson

I hope you have a place called home.

happy family.jpg

 

Designed to Love

“Don’t brood. Get on with living and loving. You don’t have forever.” – Leo Buscaglia

Babe loved Dr. Leo Buscaglia. She watched his specials on PBS and read his books. She called him Dr. Love. He was a man of deep wisdom, common sense, and compassion who understood enjoying life and loving all you meet are at the center of it all.

Brooding and hosting a pity party for one is bad for the disposition and health. There is no benefit to it. I declare today a national no brooding day. Pity parties are relegated to February 30th. That’s right, there is no February 30th. You and I have today – let’s enjoy every moment, each person, each breath of air.

Think of all the wonderful, marvelous things life gives us to enjoy. I speak for myself. I have five daughters who would help me at the drop of a hat. I have grandchildren who enjoy having me toss a football, play basketball, or tell stories. The birds sing to me every morning, noon, and evening. The sun warms me. Music soothes my spirit and makes me smile.

We are designed to love and be loved. We are given the gift of life and love to enjoy and help others to enjoy. I think I’ll go dancing. I may jump on the stage and sing. I am filled with joy.

 

Learning to Let Go

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need. –Lao Tzu

I’m dancing alone. I try to live a simple, uncomplicated life. I get rid of “stuff” whenever I can. If you visit me, you’ll not find a home cluttered with “stuff.” I carry what I treasure in my heart and memories. I know what I carry in my heart and memory will not rust, wear out, rot, or decay.

Living simply for me is learning to let go. It’s not easy to let go of things Babe and I carried with us for years. Many of these “things” carry special memories. Yet, when Babe died, letting go hurt like hell. I didn’t want to do it. I knew I had to do it if I were to open my heart to healing. Letting go is saying goodbye, waving farewell and Godspeed to a friend as a friend leaves on a journey I can’t follow, at least not yet. I cannot stay standing still watching the horizon waiting for my friend to return. Life asks me to turn around and return to living life. I find it is letting my friend go, trusting God to take care of my friend and to guide me on my path forward.

Letting go of the big things makes letting go of the little things easier. As Lao Tzu says in the quote above, “When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need.” I’ve found this to be true in my life.

Learning Common Sense the Hard Way

Lessons From Life

There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.  ~Author Unknown

Why does it take so long to acquire wisdom? I consider myself intelligent. I earned a doctorate. I had a stellar career in higher education. Yet, I am a slow learner. My uneducated dad would tell my brother and me we had a great education, but the university forgot to teach us common sense. I always got a laugh out of that one.

In my dad’s lived experience of growing up with ten siblings, raised by a single mom after his father died, living through the great depression, and fighting in WW II allowed him to gain human wisdom. He called it common sense. He learned early on the things life is now teaching me. I learned:

  • Trusting God is better than asking why.
  • Living in the present moment is better than living in the past.
  • Having a hope-filled heart is better than having a bitter heart.
  • Knowing love wins, love always wins is better than not knowing or ever having experienced love.

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