relationships

Feel Good Tip ~ Don’t Get Caught Up

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What’s Making You Feel Angry?

There’s enough stuff in the news to toss anyone in downward spiral. I had a conversation with someone who sat next to me on a recent flight.  She offered a great suggestion. She spoke of how the news had a habit of grabbing hold of her, especially the political news. She said that she had a moment of awareness of how the news was making her feel,his angry, anxious, and edgy. She didn’t like feeling this way.  She does not watch the news or listen to the talk shows/podcasts that create those emotions in her. I asked her how she stays in formed. She said, she reads it online and is aware of how it is making her feel. If she feels negative emotions arise as she reads it, she turns the switch off. She said she feels much better now. It may not be the news that gets you angry. It may be a family member, neighbor, or co-worker. Move them out of your circle. If you can’t move them out of your circle, minimize the contact time you have with him/her. That’s a feel good tip for all of us.

Thinking Out Loud ~ It Takes Time Understand Others

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Listening Reveals New Discoveries

Saint-Exupéry in writes in The Little Prince, “and that is How I Met the little prince. It took me a long time to understand from where he came. The little prince, who asked me a lot of questions never seemed to understand mine. The words spoken by chance, little by little, are the ones revealing me everything.

NOTE: When we meet someone new it takes time for us to get to know them. We can only get to know the new person we meet if we are more interested in him or her than we are in ourselves. The more we move out of ourselves toward the other the more we learn about the other allowing us to discover the treasures this new person holds. When we listen to another, the other will reveal himself or herself to us as trust builds.

Feel Good Tip ~ When Good Advice is Not Taken

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Have you ever given your best advice to someone you love then watched them ignore it? I have.  Some folks have to learn the hard way. They believe they have all the answers. We create anxiety for ourselves when we give advice to people we know will not listen to us.  It takes effort, but letting go and letting others figure it out for themselves is often best. When we keep our own counsel we relieve our pressure and those who are not listening eventually will learn a hard lesson.

Feel Good Tip ~ It’s All So Simple

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You’ll Feel Better

In my experience, the answer seems simple. We can eliminate much of the angst we feel today simply by making an effort to connect. I understand it’s difficult if you’re shy or an introvert or too busy. I understand it’s easy for extroverts and folks who easily move into relationships. When things are difficult for us, that is a a great sign. It is a challenge to learn, grow, and become more adept at something that was once difficult. When we connect with others, the world is a bit more friendly. When we connect with others, we gain an understanding of the other person and his/her struggles, beliefs, and dreams. When we connect with others, we discover we’re all in it together on a grand adventure on our trip around the sun. Connect, connect, connect. You’ll feel better.

Feel Good Tip – Staying Connected with Loved Ones is Important

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Make the Call

Every once in a while I’ll hear the complaint, “My kids never call me.” Where I hear the complaint, I ask, “Do you call them?” The answer I get is, “No, they’re suppose to call me.” Ah, I think, I see the problem. Whether it’s children or a friend or someone else who is close, we can’t read their minds. We don’t know their struggles. All we get is a glimpse and it is a fast one at that. If staying in touch with folks you love is important (it’s important for me). Make the effort to make the call. Take responsibility for nurturing the relationships. You’ll be surprised how fast it will grow.

Poem of the Day ~ An Adieu

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An Adieu

Florence Earle Coates

Sorrow, quit me for a while!
    Wintry days are over;
Hope again, with April smile,
    Violets sows and clover.

Pleasure follows in her path,
    Love itself flies after,
And the brook a music hath
    Sweet as childhood’s laughter.

Not a bird upon the bough
    Can repress its rapture,
Not a bud that blossoms now
    But doth beauty capture.

Sorrow, thou art Winter’s mate,
    Spring cannot regret thee;
Yet, ah, yet—my friend of late—
    I shall not forget thee!

Source

Feeling Good Tip ~ A Pleasant Surprise at the Supermarket

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Taking Time to Connect

I went to the supermarket today. While I was pushing my cart through the produce section, this guy comes up and taps me on the shoulder. I look at him. He looks familiar. My brain is racing for a name and location. Fortunately, my brain didn’t have to race to far. It stopped at A. I said, “Hi, Al. How are you?” Al said, “You remembered me. I recognized you, but I don’t remember you name.” From there we blocked the area in front of the jalapeños and avocados and had a nice conversation. Ten minutes later we split. Taking time to have a catch up conversation is always a good thing. I felt good after talking with Al and I hope I he felt the same after speaking with me.

Feeling Good Tip ~ Looking for the Good in Each Other

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I was talking to a friend at the gym today. My friend also lives in my neighborhood. I mentioned another neighbor who was doing some landscaping. My gym friend went off on her and told me why he didn’t like her. His take was much different than min. I viewed her as kind and compassionate. She was there for me during my two hip operations. Two different takes on the same person. When we overlook another’s faults, there’s a good chance they’ll overlook our faults. The world is always a bit better when we see the good in each other.

Daughter and Dad Podcast Episode #7

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Enjoy Episode 7: Daughter and Dad Podcast.

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The Daughter and Dad Podcast Episode 7 is also available on all podcasting venues.

Thinking Out Loud ~ Are You Invisible?

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In her book, We Should All be Feminists, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie writes about her experience in a Nigerian restaurant where the waiter will speak to the man and ignore her. She writes, “I know that they don’t intend harm, but it is one thing to know something intellectually and quite another to feel it emotionally. Each time they ignore me, I feel invisible. … I want to tell them I am just as human as the man, just as worthy of acknowledgement.” P.20

 

NOTE: You may be thinking, ‘Yes, that happened in Nigeria, it doesn’t happen in the U.S. or other western countries.’ I speak from personal experience in academia. As the only assistant professor in my department I could speak, but I wasn’t heard. I quickly learned I hadn’t yet been accepted. I was invisible. Later, in my career, when I was a full professor, I spoke in defense of a woman seeking to be promoted to full professor. The other full professors voted unanimously to deny her promotion. They were angry with me for being the lone holdout. I quickly became invisible to them. Perhaps you’ve had similar experiences of feeling invisible. I’d like to hear from you.

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