suffering

Nothing But Stone – by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

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Nothing But Stone

I think I never passed so sad an hour,
   Dear friend, as that one at the church to-night.
The edifice from basement to the tower
   Was one resplendent blaze of coloured light.
Up through broad aisles the stylish crowd was thronging,
   Each richly robed like some king’s bidden guest.
“Here will I bring my sorrow and my longing,”
   I said, “and here find rest.”

I heard the heavenly organ’s voice of thunder,
   It seemed to give me infinite relief.
I wept.  Strange eyes looked on in well-bred wonder.
   I dried my tears: their gaze profaned my grief.
Wrapt in the costly furs, and silks, and laces,
   Beat alien hearts, that had no part with me.
I could not read, in all those proud cold faces,
   One thought of sympathy.

I watched them bowing and devoutly kneeling,
   Heard their responses like sweet waters roll
But only the glorious organ’s sacred pealing
   Seemed gushing from a full and fervent soul.
I listened to the man of holy calling,
   He spoke of creeds, and hailed his own as best;
Of man’s corruption and of Adam’s-falling,
   But naught that gave me rest:

Nothing that helped me bear the daily grinding
   Of soul with body, heart with heated brain;
Nothing to show the purpose of this blinding
   And sometimes overwhelming sense of pain.
And then, dear friend, I thought of thee, so lowly,
   So unassuming, and so gently kind,
And lo! a peace, a calm serene and holy,
   Settled upon my mind.

Ah, friend, my friend! one true heart, fond and tender,
   That understands our troubles and our needs,
Brings us more near to God than all the splendour
   And pomp of seeming worship and vain creeds.
One glance of thy dear eyes so full of feeling,
   Doth bring me closer to the Infinite
Than all that throng of worldly people kneeling
   In blaze of gorgeous light.

Your Pain Is … ~ Poem by Khalil Gibran

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Your pain is the breaking of the shell 
that encloses your understanding. 

Even as the stone of the fruit must break,that its 
heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain. 

And could you keep your heart in wonder 
at the daily miracles of your life, your pain 
would not seem less wondrous than your joy; 

And you would accept the seasons of your 
heart, even as you have always accepted 
the seasons that pass over your fields. 

And you would watch with serenity 
through the winters of your grief. 

Much of your pain is self-chosen. 

It is the bitter potion by which the 
physician within you heals your sick self. 

Therefore trust the physician, and drink 
his remedy in silence and tranquillity: 

For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided 
by the tender hand of the Unseen, 
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, 
has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter 
has moistened with His own sacred tears.

Suffering Isn’t Easy, But it Happens

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Suffering isn’t easy. Healthy people don’t want it for themselves or for others. Yet, it happens. In Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again, M shared her wisdom with me about suffering. I listened because I knew she suffered a great loss before me. Here is an excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again:

“Remember what Saint Teresa of Ávila said: ‘All things are passing; God never changes, patience obtains all things.’ Don’t be afraid of suffering. It’s unavoidable. You can do nothing to make it go away. It has a life of its own. You did not purposely will this suffering upon yourself. It happened. It happened as it will happen to everyone. It is part of the human condition. We can push aside all thoughts of it to some remote canyon in Texas, but it waits patiently, knowing its time will come. Instead of suffering being a curse, think of your unavoidable suffering as a wonderful gift to help you become a more loving and compassionate person. If you’re willing, you will see the lessons it is teaching you”

Excerpt From

Dancing Alone: Learning to Live again by Ray Calabrese

This material is copyright protected

Trusting My Intuition

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Trusting My Intuition as I Grieved

On one of our visits, M encouraged me to trust my intuition as I grieved. Here is an excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again. 

“M stared at me. A slight smile appeared. She slowly shook her head and said, “When you trust your intuition, you’re trusting God. Even if you fail, God will draw good out of your failure. It’s why, in the end, following your instincts will be the right course for you.”

M’s words resonated with me as I replied, “Oftentimes, I don’t see the hand of God until I look back over the distance I’ve traveled. When I look back, I realize how life prepared me for the moment. It is a moment of grace. It is a moment of gratitude. In that moment, I thank God for my teachers on the journey, for the strength and capabilities given to prepare me for the challenge. Most of all, I thank God for always being near me, even when I couldn’t sense He was there.

Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again. Available in paperback and ebook formats from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, and Kobo.

Excerpt From

Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again

Raymond Calabrese

This material is copyright protected

Grieving is Different for Everyone

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Early in my grieving process, I received lots of advice on how to grieve as if there was a right or wrong way to grieve. In Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again, I asked M if there was a right or wrong way to grieve. Here is an excerpt from the book:

“What do you think? Is there a right and wrong way to grieve?”

M didn’t answer as we kept walking. A hundred yards further, she broke our silence.

“What makes you think there is a right way to grieve?” she asked.

“I read it in a newsletter,” I felt foolish. M let it pass.

“I know you love sports, Ray. Is there a right way to hit a baseball?” asked M.

I thought about it for a second and said, “No. As long as you can hit a baseball, it doesn’t matter. There are some general mechanics all ballplayers share, but each one hits with a personal style.”

“What does that tell you about grieving?” M asked. “It’s not a trick question.”

“Everyone has their own way of dealing with grief. There is no one size fits all,” I said.

M patted my shoulder and said, “You’ve got it on your first attempt. Like you said, there are mechanics everyone needs. In the end, using the baseball metaphor, it’s you in the batter’s box and grief pitching. No one else can hit the ball but you.”

Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again is available in print and eBook formats worldwide. eBooks can be downloaded from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, iBooks, Kobo and eBooks2go.com

Excerpt From

Dancing Alone

Raymond Calabrese

This material is protected  copyright.

Hope In Suffering ~ Quote by Dostoyevsky

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“The darker the night, the brighter the stars, 
The deeper the grief, the closer is God!” 
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Love ~ Quote by Sophocles

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One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life:
That word is love.

~ Sophocles

Emotional Storms & Grieving

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In Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again I journal about emotions that swirled about me. I had to learn to live with them or be overwhelmed by them. Here is an excerpt about the emotions I experienced from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again:

“I think about the emotions that flood me without notice. They arrive with gale force winds in any environment and spark from any trigger. I sum up how my emotions affect me in four simple, easy-to-understand words: It hurts like hell.

It hurts in a way only one who experienced the pain of losing someone they love understands. What does it feel like? It’s not physical pain, yet I experience it physically deep in the pit of my stomach, with a clenched jaw, or through the endless tossing and turning at three in the morning when sleep does not return. It hurts like hell.

I run from away from dealing with my emotions by engaging in exercise, prayer, and writing. Even in those times of distraction, my emotions rear their ugly heads into my space, grab ahold of me, and throw me to the floor. My emotions stand over me, waving their fists and daring me to get up, all too willing to knock me down again. I wearily rise to my knees. I stand again, my legs wobbly. I try to clear my head. It hurts like hell.”

Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again is available in print and eBook formats worldwide. eBooks can be downloaded from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, iBooks, Kobo and eBooks2go.com

Choose to Live

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Excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again

“M continued, “It doesn’t matter if your steps are small. It doesn’t matter if you trip and fall. When you stumble forward, dare to rise and take another step. Each time you rise and courageously face your suffering, you look to the future and signal to your mind and body you choose to live. Don’t count the times you stumble, Ray. One day you’ll wake up and realize you’re walking without stumbling. You’ll stop walking or doing whatever you’re doing and give thanks to God. Until the moment arrives, continue to stumble forward. Keep acting on that choice. There’s a short Chinese proverb that’s very fitting for you right now, ‘Talk does not cook rice.’”


Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again is available in print and eBook formats worldwide. eBooks can be downloaded from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, iBooks, Kobo and eBooks2go.com

Stumbling Forward ~ Learning to Live

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Stumbling Forward ~ Learning New Ways to Live While Grieving

The following is an excerpt from Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again: 

“I feel as I’m stumbling forward, M. You know how it is, two steps forward and then I step on a rock, causing me to lose my balance. I stumble to the ground—always forward, never backward.”

“I like the metaphor,” M said. “Stumbling forward describes how I felt during my periods of intense grieving. When I stumbled forward, I chose to pass through grieving’s doorway and stumbled forward knowing I had to learn new ways to live. I learned to do many things Peter previously did for me. I didn’t want to learn to do them, I had to stumble forward. I had to grow.”

I am giving away an ebook copy (available on iTunes) of Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again to 50 lucky winners who like this post by midnight, tonight, December 17th. Winners will be randomly selected and notified by email with the iTunes code for downloading Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again. If you liked this post or previous Dancing Alone posts and want to receive an ebook copy of Dancing Along: Learning to Live Again, please complete the contact form below or email me directly (ray.brese@gmail.com) with your email address. I will not share your email address or place you on any newsletter mailing list. 

Dancing Alone: Learning to Live Again is available in paperback and ebook formats from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, and Kobo.

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