Joe: “I asked my lawyer if I could sue the airlines after my case ended being broken in several pieces,”
Pete: “What did your lawyer advise?”
Joe: “My lawyer said I didn’t have much of a case.”
One-Liners
Today’s Joke: Joe’s Girlfriend Tells Joe What She Wants
Joe: “My girlfriend told me she wanted a new dishwasher.”
Pete: “What kind did she want?”
Joe: “She said she wanted one about six feet, two percent body fat, and has lots of money.”
Today’s Joke: Joe Has Chores to Do
Joe: “My girlfriend asked me to vacuum and I asked, ‘the whole apartment?'”
Pete: “What did she say?”
Joe: “She said, ‘No, just the floor.'”
Today’s Joke: Joe Ponders His First Universal Remote
Joe: “I remember the profound thought I had when I got my first universal remote.”
Pete: “What was it?”
Joe: “I thought, this changes everything.”
Today’s Joke: Joe’s Girlfriend Wants to Break Up
Joe: “I think my girlfriend wants to break up with me.”
Pete: “What makes you think that?”
Joe: “Last night while we were watching TV she said, ‘Is it hot in here or is our relationship suffocating me?”
Today’s Joke: Joe’s Girlfriend Gave Joe Some Advice
Joe: “My girlfriend told me I reminded her of Halley’s Comet.”
Pete: “Was that a compliment?”
Joe: “No. She said she didn’t want to see me for another 76 years.”
Today’s Joke: Joe’s Nurse Girlfriend Taught Him Something New
Joe: “My nurse girlfriend taught me the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer.”
Pete: “What is it?”
Joe: “The taste.”
Today’s Joke: Joe’s Doctor Gives Him Bad News – Sort of!
Joe: “My doctor told me I was going deaf.”
Pete: “How did you feel?”
Joe: “The news was hard for me to hear.”
Today’s Joke: Joe’s Girlfriend is Having a Baby
Joe: “My girlfriend called me while I was at the bar and said, ‘I think the baby’s coming.'”
Pete: “What did you say.”
Joe: “I told her not to worry, he won’t get in, he’s underage.'”
Today’s Joke: Joe Thinks His Landlord is a Snob
Joe: “My landlord is a snob.”
Pete: “What makes you think that?”
Joe: “He walks around like he owns the place.”
