You’re So Jealous of My Success

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Six of us stand at various places in Carmen’s Pizzeria. La Flor, sporting way too much cleavage; Little Carmen appears to be a kid with an unlimited account to iTunes. I can’t tell if TT is blushing or if the hives are lingering. Then there’s Big Carmen and Carlo. Who’s Carlo? Read on. I’m a bit confused. Am I real, or, am I an alt ego? I’m walking a very thin tightrope between sanity and whatever else exists.

“What do use thinks of the beautiful, tough, and edgy model I gots to be the image for Carmen’s Pizzeria?” Carmen speaking to Carlo.

“Big bro, use thinks she digs older men?” said Carlo. Carlo’s nose has the shape of a large deli dill pickle.

“Listen up Lil Carlo, I gonna tell use the facts of life. I know’s use flips your lid. Nobody can holds a candle to her. And, if I mays use another overused cliche, I don’t want use acting like the green eyed monster. My baby, Little Carmen is enumerated wit her.”

Sometimes the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree (Another cliche? Is he losing his mind? Is this the best he can do?).

All five feet two inches of Lil Carlo looks up at Big Carmen, who is not as big a Little Carmen, but earned the title of Big Carmen because his five feet five inches is three inches taller than his older brother, Carlo, who by nature’s design has to physically look up to Big Carmen (You’ll be tested at the end on this, make notes).

“Now, that Ray is through writing some filler, use gots to know that Little Carmen’s gagaroni overs her.”

“Can we start Big Carmen. Did I forget to mention I know where LC gets his good looks?” said La Flor.

“Use got the good eyes, beautiful, tough, edgy and who’s gonna put Carmen’s Pizzeria all over the maps.”

Lil Carmen speaks, “I sees whats use means. She’s gots what chu call star powers. She’s one of a kind. Use hit paydirt wit her …”

Lil Carlo is interrupted by Big Carmen, “Enough with the cliches. I tinks we used up the quota.”

“How about me standing on top of the counter and you behind it, Big Carmen making a pizza for the first shot? I’ll say, ‘Big Carmen delivers.’ I made it up all by myself,” said La Flor.

“The kid’s …” Carlo’s interrupted by Big Carmen.

“A natural. A genius. A miracle. One in ten million. Use wants me to keep going?”

“I get the picture, Big Bro.”

Big Carmen takes a step toward La Flor. He concentrates to stare at her eyes. A difficult task for any male member of Carmen’s lineage. He said, “I never thought of something so profounding, use is gonna take this town like a tornadacane. For those who don’t know whats I mean, that’s a combo, like my pizza special for tonight, between a tornado and hurricane.”

“I got it all Big Carmen. We can put this one on Cable and on TV and on the Internetting and on Dishes,” said Little Carmen.

“LC, don’t you dare until I approve it. Besides, we haven’t really started. I’ve got a lot more poses for you. How about this pose,” said La Flor.

Big Carmen coos, “Use is making my blood rush to my head with that one, beautiful, tough, edgy and sexy model for Carmen’s Pizzeria.”

“And, this one?” said La Flor.

“Stop shooting. Lil Carlo passed out,” screamed TT.

Big Carmen started laughing, “You’re too much for him beautiful, tough, edgy and hotter than my extra spicy with three toppings large pizza for eight-ninety-six.”

TT hovers over Lil Carlo. He’s rubbing ice on Carlo’s face. TT looks at Big Carmen, “Do you think we should call 911?”

“No,” shouted Big Carmen. Then he added, “The cops raided me last week, but they didn’t find nothing. Use a cop or something?”

TT’s almost cleared up case of the hives is now in midseason form. He held Carlo’s hand and stared at him, “You’ll be okay. You’ll be okay.”

Carlo opened his left eye, he stammered, “What the hell you holding my hand for? I not your girlfriend.” He paused for a moment, then screamed, “I tinks I’m going blind. I only gots one eye.”

I said, “TT, gently pull his right eyelid up.”

“I can sees. I can sees. This guy over here, he healed me.”

Big Carmen said, “This calls for celebrity (I think he meant to say celebration). I don’t feel like cooking. We all gonna go to Antonio’s Mexicano Supremo. He owes me a favor or three besides the five thousand dollars with compounding interest. It’ll be one the house. Or, like Antonio says, ‘It’ll be on the castanetoes (I’m sure he meant casa).

The photo shoot isn’t over. It’s interrupted, but not over.

“Wait a minute. Don’t end the blog. Did I get top billing today in the dialogue?” hollered La Flor. She added, “If I didn’t I don’t work until we do a redo.”

“But beautiful, tough, edgy, sexy, hot, and one in a google million zillion, Ray told me to intro Lil Carlo,” a downhearted Big Carmen said.

“I knew you were behind it, Ray. You are so jealous of my success.”

 

 

Don’t Dare Quit

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Giving up is easy. It throws away hope. It doesn’t give the heart a chance to rise to the occasion. Be stouthearted. Be courageous. Be strong. Perhaps only you will know what you had to endure. Perhaps only you will know how many times you wanted to quit, but a voice deep inside screamed, “Don’t quit. Don’t you dare to quit.” The following YouTube video is a short trailer for Ernest Shackleton’s Antartica Odessey. Get inspired. Don’t Quit.

 

It’ll Be An Oscar Performance

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“How did you sleep last night,” I asked La Flor knowing her Carmen’s Pizzeria photo shoot took place today.

“I didn’t. I am so, so, so, excited. It’s my chance at the big time, Ray. The whole enchilada. It’s going to be the Super Bowl of photo shoots,” La Flor acting more like she drank a couple of Red Bulls.

“Did you drink a Red Bull last night?” I asked.

“No. I did not drink a Red Bull last night,” she answered.

“How many, give it up,” I said.

“I stopped counting at six. I had to stay awake to practice posing.”

“In front of the mirror?” I asked.

“No. I made LC and TT watch me. Every time I drank a Red Bull I made them drink one too,” she said.

“Where are they? They’re usually closer than your shadow. The Red Bulls didn’t bother TT’s caffeine intolerance,” I said.

“Minor problem. LC had to take TT to the ER.  For some unexplained reason he broke out in hives, and his pulse rate was over 200. Good thing LC watches reruns of ER so he knows what to do,” said La Flor.

“You made him drink Red Bull with his intolerance?”

“Not me, I asked LC to make him drink them. Not to worry. They pumped out his stomach. His color returned from a flaming red to a gorgeous deep pink. I’m changing the subject to something more important.”

“What’s more important than TT’s health?”

“My photo shoot, silly,” said La Flor. She added, “The boys will meet us at the pizzeria after the stomach pumping. LC is taking the photo’s and TT is going to hold up cards with my lines.”

“LC is taking the photo’s.”

“Everything is working out perfectly. He has the new iPhone. You know the special secret one that’s coming out in the fall.”

“Can LC take good photos? How did he get the new iPhone? Who’s writing the script for TT to hold?” My heads going around faster than a tilt-a-whirl.

“Are you on Instagram? Check out the photo’s LC posted of me? I have zillions of likes. Next question. Big Carmen has a friend who owes him a favor. This friend has a friend who owes him a favor. You keep going down the chain and Big Carmen delivers. I think that’s a good line for a commercial. What do you think?”

“I got to give it to you, La Flor. Big Carmen delivers is a great line. Now about the script.”

“I am so lucky, lucky, lucky everything turns out right for me. I told LC to write the script for the photo shoot while TT was having his stomach pumped out. LC has a way with words if you haven’t noticed.”

“Oh, I’ve noticed,” I said.

“How do you plan to dress for the photo shoot?”

“I discussed that with Big Carmen,” said La Flor.

“First of all, he wants me to be myself.”

“Beautiful, tough, and edgy?”

“That goes without saying. He suggested I show enough cleavage to get guys to watch the ad, but not enough to make the mom’s demand the channel be changed. I’m also going to wear a short, tight, black leather skirt, and stilettos. It’ll be an Oscar performance.”

“An Oscar for your role in an ad for Carmen’s Pizzeria?”

“Yes. But keep it secret. You know how rumors spread around the alt ego circus.”

“We’s home beautiful, tough, and edgy next Oscar winner.”

“TT, you look worse than a corpse. What happened?” said La Flor.

“TT’s lobotomy is in a slight delay. It’s like his plane is circling the airport and can’t land, if use know what I mean,” said Little Carmen.

A blank look crossed La Flor’s face.

I said, “Did they sedate him?”

“No. I did. I gave him a couple of knockout drops because he was too hyper. He’s slowly coming out of it.”

“I’m ready to shoot now. Will TT be ready? He looks like a zombie, which is worse than a corpse,” said La Flor.

“I got’s a solvent to the problem,” said Little Carmen.

“What?” said La Flor.

“Ray-mo can hold the cards. I printed big enough with Crayola crayons so’s use can read them,” said Little Carmen.

I answered, “I’ll do it until TT wakes up. Can I look at the cards?”

“No, use will spoils the sauce with some stuff use think is smarter, but which is not smarter when it comes to selling the sauce, if use knows what I means.”

Come back tomorrow for the photo shoot – I think. Maybe the day after. You know how it is with this gang.

 

 

5 Stories to Inspire You

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Having a tough day? RSVP’d to a pity party? Down in the dumps? The following YouTube video shares 5 brief stories to lift you up; to put a smile on your face: and, to put a kick back into your step.

 

 

When Does The Photo Shoot Start?

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What happened in Vegas, stayed in Vegas.

The four of us are out for free pizza courtesy of Big Carmen.

“It’s a good ting my daddy is generous to us seeing he knows I spents a lot of cash on the beautiful, tough, and edgy woman in Vegas. And, it was all worth it,” said Little Carmen. I give the boy credit for a quick recovery. I want to high five him, but decide not to.

I give the boy credit for a quick recovery. I want to high five him, but decide not to.

“Who’s your daddy?” asked TT.

TT needs some work on his street smarts. It’s a toss up if he’ll survive the rough and tumble world of the alt egos.

“Are you clueless?” asked La Flor. “Who do you think sired this hunk?” La Flor now stroking the dark black hair of her well trained Little Carmen.

“Did he says ‘who’s my daddy?” Little Carmen makes squeezing motions with his fists., he needs a clue, beautiful, tough, edgy and I

“Easy, easy, big fellow. He doesn’t understand the way of the world like my hunk,” said La Flor.

“For use, I will give him a clue,” said Little Carmen. His voice about as suck up as a masculine male voice can sound.

TT acted as if he was the recipient of a series of electrical prods. He squirmed non stop. His hives spread across his neck rising to his cheeks. Both eyes twitching. His knees jerking.

“Do use have hemorrhoidals, TT? asked Little Carmen.

“I love it when TT gets nervous. He changes colors so quickly,” said La Flor.

“Uh, no.”

“Then whys use squirming like a bug on an anchovy pizza?” asked Little Carmen.

I interrupted, “TT has never met Big Carmen. He doesn’t know Big Carmen is your daddy,” I said.

“It’s okay, Ray. LC knows I love it when TT gets nervous. Look at him move. He could be on America’s Got Talent,” said La Flor.

“I’s gonna interest him to my daddy, utterwise (yes, he said, utterwise and interest instead of introduce) who is known to all, including me as Big Carmen,” said Little Carmen. Then he hollered toward the counter, “Big Carmen, if use can spare us a moment or four, can use come over? I want use to meet TT.”

“Lemmie finish this pie, Little Carmen. Since you’ve been with, and don’t get me wrong, the beautiful dish who is sitting next to use and I don’t mean, Ray, I has to work twice, maybe six times as hard making pizza. This is because I don’t have no quality help around here,” Big Carmen hollered from behind the counter.

“What happened to cousin Ernie? He didn’t work out?” asked Little Carmen.

“Ernie was working out fine. He was even doing deliveries for me. How’s I to know that he was casing houses when he delivered pizza. If I’d know that I would not have him doing deliveries. Now, the cops are detaining him until bail can be posted. I will not bail his sorry butt out. I will let Rogerio bail out his son.”

“Where’s Rogerio gonna come up with the cash?” asked Little Carmen.

“Not to worry. I loaned it to him at a favorable interest rate,” said Big Carmen.

TT said, “That’s your dad? He won’t hurt me, right?”

“Why’s he gonna hurt use? Use swiping the sugar or pepper packets? Maybe use is swiping the sugar substitute packets. If use is doing this, give them up now and I will speak in your behalfs,” said Little Carmen.

“I, I never stole anything. Honest,” TT’s voice a tick below high C. His right knee timed out at ninety-three miles an hour.

Big Carmen strolled over, “How’s the most beautiful girl on the planet doing?” He ignored the rest of us.

“If you were only twenty years younger, I’d dumped LC,” smiled La Flor.

“Use gonna dump me for Big Carmen,” a note of panic in Little Carmen’s voice.

“I said if Big Carmen is twenty years younger, LC. You don’t have to worry unless Big Carmen can make himself twenty years younger.”

“Big Carmen, use is not going to make useself twenty years younger, promise me that,” begged Little Carmen.

“No, I will do use that favor. But’s I have a big favor. I mean a really, really, really big favor I to ask this beautiful woman. If she says yes, I will be in her debt and possibly yours. But I will not be in Ray’s debt or in the skinny radish with the high pitched voice. Doesn’t he have any use knows what?”

“They was twisted in a misunderstanding, Big Carmen,” said Little Carmen. “I am hoping they get better of their own accordion.”

La Flor’s interest is piqued, “What is it BC?”

“I wants use to be the public Image of Carmen’s Pizzeria. I will plaster your beautiful image all over this city and television. When peoples see use, they will thinks Carmen’s Pizzeria. Can we make a deal that will be generous to two faults for use?”

“I need time to think it over,” said La Flor.

“How much times do use need?” asked Big Carmen.

“It’s a deal. When do we do the photo shoot?” she said.

A photo shoot? La Flor, the image of Carmen’s Pizzeria? Where is this all leading?

 

 

Never Quit – No Matter The Climb

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We all experience tough moments! The tough moments have a special gift for us. They challenge us to toughen up, to show we are filled with faith, courage, and tenacity. They give us an opportunity to be examples that it is possible to transform tough situations into triumphant situations.

Never Quit, no matter how difficult the climb.

 

I Am Nice

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“I’m not happy, Ray,” pouted La Flor.

“What’s your problem. You’re going on vacation with me. Your two puppies are coming along and they don’t have to be in cages. Why are unhappy?” I said. I know the answer, I’ll let La Flor do the honors.

La Flor gestured with her finger, “Why are you TSA approved and I am not? There’s a mistake. I don’t want to stand in the long line. I don’t want to take off my shoes. Anybody tries to pat me down, I’ll have LC smack them.”

“You don’t want to do that. It is not a good idea. He may get ten to twenty. Be nice or they won’t let you go to the gate,” I said.

“I am nice. That’s the point, Ray. Do I have to put my expensive, Italian leather handbag through the metal detector? I have important things in my handbag like my iPhone. My lip gloss. My concealer. My mascara. My moisturizer. Need I continue? They’ll ruin it. I’ll sue. I promise I’ll sue everyone who works at the airport.”

“Everyone?”

“Everyone. Even the retirees.”

The girl will not take no for an answer. I’ve got to admire her gumption.

I turned from La Flor to Little Carmen, “Is that a gold chain almost hidden by your chest hairs?”

“Un huh. I don’t believes in shaving my chest.”

“You’ll need to take off the gold chain, the gold bracelet, the expensive watch, and please button up your shirt, no one wants to see waving fields of black hair. Be like TT, he already has his shoes off. his belt is off and he has his plastic baggies with toiletries ready to go.”

“Look, Ray. See my sides. Uncle Guido game me the bracelet. Aunt Josephine gave me the gold chain.”

“What about the expensive watch?”

“Cousin Carl found it. Use know finders keepers. And, don’t asks where he found it. And also, if use thinks I’m taking these off for these TAS guys, use got another three guesses coming.”

“You tell him, LC,” said La Flor encouraging LC.

“It’s TSA. I’m ready to get in the pre approved line. If you guys make it through security, our plane to Vegas is at gate 11.”

“What do you mean, if? Can’t you write it in that we’re through security without a hitch and TSA said I was the most beautiful, tough, and edgy woman to ever go through?” said La Flor.

“No. Look, TT is in line. He has his boarding pass in his hand. He has his ID out. Looks like he’ll be going with me.”

“He is such a suck up,” said La Flor.

“Yah. And I could say other things abouts him, but I don’t want to offense anybody I already offended, if use knows what I mean,” said Little Carmen.

I got in the TSA approved line. I kept an eye on La Flor and Little Carmen. I wasn’t sure how the TSA blog writer was going to handle these two going through security. I wanted to holler a warning when I saw La Flor grab hold of Little Carmen’s hand and pull him out of line and walk around the security maze TSA uses to see who is intelligent enough to get to the screening area. It’s not going to be pretty.

TT is waiting for me when I pass through the metal detector. I go to the conveyer belt and wait for my suitcase and backpack. I hear my name,

“Ray, Ray hurry up, we’ll miss our flight. I need coffee. I need a snack,” shouted La Flor.

“Yah, the beautiful, tough, and edgy woman with friends every place needs use to hurry,” said Little Carmen.

I grabbed my backpack and took hold of my luggage and walked over to La Flor and Little Carmen. “How did you manage to get through security? You cut the line.”

“And, we didn’t take off our jewelry. We didn’t get scanned. We got through before you and you were pre approved,” La Flor said smugly.

“But how?”

“The beautiful, tough, and edgy woman is personal friends with the TSA blog writers girlfriend,” said Little Carmen.

“So, I made a call and told Emily that I was going to friend her if she encouraged her boyfriend to do me a tiny favor,” said La Flor.

“Just because you’re going to friend her?”

“I don’t give friending away easily. You have to do something for me,” said La Flor. Then she turned her attention to TT, “TT do you want to be my friend and do you want me to be your friend?”

A high pitched voice said, “Uh huh.”

“Good decision. TT, you can carry my carry on. Be careful with it, I have my extended beauty center in there. LC, you can get me my fav Starbucks drink and tell them who they’re making it for. Ray, you can walk with me to the gate and find me a seat where I won’t be near screaming kids. One other thing, Ray.

“What’s that, La Flor?” I was almost too afraid to ask.

“What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”

How does she get away with it? It’s a mystery.

 

 

 

Give It Your Best

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Challenges surround us, problems overwhelm us. At times we may wonder if they’ll ever end; if we’ll ever have the strength, wisdom, and courage to overcome them. The answer is YES. A resounding YES. Things may not turn out the way we want, but if we give it our best and let our Creator do the rest, something good will come from our actions. Never quit. Never give up. Give it your best.

 

You Can’t Live Without Me

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“Question, Ray. When we go on our trip, why do I have to go through security?” said La Flor.

“Are you speaking about you and your two groupies?” I asked.

“No, I am speaking about the trip you and I are taking,” said La Flor matter of factly.

“I am going solo. Alone. Traveling with only those who fly with me, which does not include you, Little Carmen, or TT.”

“The way I see it, Ray. You’re wrong. Incorrecto. Mistaken. Try again, you had two choices and the one you chose does not work,” said La Flor laying out three suitcases.

“Give me one, only one good reason why I should let you accompany me on my trip,” I said.

“Oh please. Only one good reason?”

“Yes, and it better be solid gold.  A reason every sane person on the planet would agree as perfect,” I said as I put protein bars in my backpack.

“You’re not packing protein bars for a trip? How awful. To begin with, they taste horrible. The only reason to eat them is to let people think you eat healthily. While you’re at it, why don’t you stuff some kale and spinach leaves in your backpack.”

“I would but I can’t take EVOO on the plane. Don’t change the subject. You haven’t given me one good, solid gold reason for taking you along.”

“I’m going to give you three reasons. Will that satisfy you? said La Flor.

“They better be good,” I said.

“You can’t live without me,” a smug smile on La Flor’s face. Before I could answer, she added, “And, if you try, I’ll find you. I have alt ego friends at BookIt, Jetsetter, and Trivago. You can’t escape. I’ll have your photo plastered all over Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.”

“Are you threatening me?” I asked.

“No. I’m using the third rule of power persuasion.”

“Which is, La Flor?” I asked.

“If they don’t agree to your idea, give them an alternative that makes the idea sound great.”

“Where did you learn that?”

“LC’s uncle Carmen. He said it a little differently. But, I’m nice,” said La Flor.

“You’re not going to give me any peace until I say yes, am I right?” I asked.

“I promise I’ll be good. I won’t create a scene. I’ll stay in the background. You won’t have to worry about me.”

La Flor has a way of wearing me down, “You’ll have to go through TSA security. No check-in luggage and I get the window seat,” I said.

La Flor turned away from me, “Boys, he agreed. We’re going on vacation.”

From the adjoining room, two voices in acapella, one soprano, the other baritone said, “Thank you beautiful, tough, and edgy persuader.”

The Heart of a Champion

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Within you is a heart of a champion. Your heart is waiting for you to set the spark to light its fire. What kind of champion will you be? If you try, try, and try again in the face of resistance, failure, and ridicule you’ll have proved yourself worthy. More than fame and fortune, a heart afire and refusing to quit is the mark of a true champion. You have that kind of heart.

 

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