clean jokes

Joe: “I broke up with my seismologist girlfriend.”

Pete: “Why? I thought you guys were getting along.”

Joe: “Trouble is, she was always looking for faults.”

Joe: “I’m looking for new job. I can’t take my boss’s bad language.”

Pete: “What did you boss say?”

Joe: “You’re fired.”

Joe: “When I got to work today, my boss cornered me and said, ‘You missed work yesterday.”

Pete: “What did you say?”

Pete: “I said, ‘Not really.'”

Joe: “This morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water.”

Pete: “How did it work out?”

Joe: “After 30 minutes of driving on the highway, I realized i left my car at home.”

Joe: “My neighbor knocked on my door at 2 a.m. and said, “Do you know it’s 2 a.m.?”

Pete: “What did you say?”

Joe: “I thanked him for telling me the time and then invited him in to hear me play my bagpipes.”

Joe: “I was sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee in my slippers.

Pete: “That sounds relaxing.”

Joe: “Not so, I really have to wash some mugs.

Joe: “My girlfriend told me why girlfriend is one word and best friend is two words.”

Pete:  “What did she say?”

Joe: “She said, ‘A best friend gives you space.”

Joe: “I saw my ex-girlfriend on the other side of  the early American history room at the museum.”

Pete: “Did you talk to her?”

Joe: “No, there was too much history between us.” 

Joe: “My girlfriend accused me of treating our relationship like a game.”

Pete: “What did you say?”

Joe: “I said, ‘That will cost will 15 points and a chance to go the bonus round,'”

Joe: “I went online to check my car’s value.”

Pete: “What did you learn?”

Joe:  “I had to disclose if my fuel tank was empty or full.”