clean jokes

“I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me….
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.”

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What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? “If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!”

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Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?

A. Sue.

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Two couples at a retirement community were sipping iced tea one afternoon.  Harry, started talking about this fantastic restaurant he went to the other night with his wife.

“What’s it called,” Pete asked.

After thinking for a few seconds Harry said, “What are those good smelling flowers called?”

“Do you mean a rose?” asked Pete.

“Yes, that’s it,” said Harry. Harry glanced at his wife and said, “Rose what’s that restaurant we went to the other night?”

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

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Q. What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?

A. I don’t know and I don’t care.

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I asked my North Korean friend how it was there.

He said he couldn’t complain.

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Just burned 2,000 calories.

That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

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