Q:Ā What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?
A: A friend you can count on.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He’s all right now!
I was at the museum recently.
I asked a worker there if I was allowed to take pictures.
He said no, they had to stay on the walls.
I challenged the number 1 to a fight . . .
. . . but he brought his friends 3, 5, 7, and 9.
The odds were against me.
They all laughed when I told them that one day I would discover the secrets of invisibility.
If only they could see me now.
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, āIs this good for wasps?ā
He said, āNo, it kills them.ā
I didnāt sleep very good last night.Ā
So this morning I put Monster energy drinks in my coffeeā¦
I was half way to work when I realized I forgot my car.
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says āSorry we donāt serve food in hereā
The past, present and future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
