Comedy fun

Joe: “My psychiatrist told me me I have acute paranoia.”

Pete: “What did you say?”

Joe: “I told the psychiatrist I want to be cured not admired.”

Joe: “I called my doctor’s office for an appointment and the receptionist said, “How about 10 tomorrow?”

Pete: “Did that work?”

Joe: “No, I didn’t need that many appointments.”

Joe: “I told my psychologist that I think I’m psychic.

Pete: What did your psychologist say?”

Joe: “She asked me when I first experienced being psychic. I said, Next Tuesday.”

Joe: “I asked my personal trainer at the gym what machine I should use to impress the ladies.”

Pete: “What did your personal trainer recommend?”

Joe: “The ATM.”

Joe: “I moved into a new apartment building today.”

Pete: “That’ great. Does it have a gym in the building?”

Joe: “I don’t know, I haven’t met everyone yet.”

Joe: “I was asked to be an organ donor.”

Pete: “What did you do?”

Joe: “I donated a piece of liver I had in the freezer.”

Joe: “What do you call a person who cheated on every test in school and college?”

Pete: “I have no idea, what?”

Joe: Hopefully, not your doctor.”

Joe: “I walked into my doctor’s office with a cucumber in my nose, a carrot in my left ear, and a banana in my right ear.”

Pete: “What did the doctor say?”

Joe: “My doctor said I wasn’t eating properly.

Joe: “I broke up with my optometrist girlfriend.”

Pete: “Why did you break up?”

Joe: “She was always saying do you like me like this . . . or this.”

Joe: “I told my libra girlfriend zodiac signs and horoscopes are a waste of time.”

Pete: “Why is that, Joe?”

Joe: “I’m a scorpio and we’re all skeptics.”