Comedy fun

Joe: “I asked my wife if she fantasizes about me.”

Pete: “What did she say?”

Joe: “She she fantasizes about my putting the toilet seat down and picking up my clothes.

Joe: “I made dinner for two last night.”

Pete: “I see things working out with your new girlfriend.”

Joe: “I ending up eating both meals.”

Joe: “My girlfriend said she’s a compulsive liar.”

Pete: “What did you do?”

Joe: “Nothing. I don’t believe her.”

Joe: “I was raised as an only child.”

Pete: “How was that?”

Joe: “I like it, but it was annoying to my brother.”

Joe: “My ninety-nine year old uncle gets upset every time he goes to his local diner for breakfast.”

Pete: “How so, Joe?”

Joe: “When he orders they ask for the money up front.”

Joe: “My professor at my night class told me I procrastinate too much.”

Pete: “What did you say?”

Joe: “I told my professor, ‘Let me think about that for a week or so.'”

Joe: “I was sitting at a bar when my proctologist walked in.”

Pete: “What did he say?”

Joe: “He asked me if the stool next to me was taken.”

Joe: “My girlfriend told me the last thing she wanted to do was hurt me.”

Pete: “That’s nice.”

Joe: “But, she added, it’s still on her to do list.”

Joe: “There have been a lot of break-ins in the parking garage where I work.

Pete: “That’s too bad, Joe.”

Joe: “It’s wrong on lots of levels.”